LAST NIGHT'S POST

current mood: Current mood: fuck.
Current music: modern romance- yeah yeah yeahs
 
Don’t- hold on
Go- get strong
Well
Don't you know
There is no modern romance
 
I was wrong
It never lasts
This is no
There is no modern romance
 
Eh. Everything is a huge fucking turd, and I include YOU and YOU and YOU in that generalization. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who has any conviction to ANYTHING! Everyone is just so… wishy-washy. You know? Like fucking Charlie Brown, man! Nobody has any real passion for art of music or sports, even. Nobody gives a shit what happens. Am I the only person who isn't so apathetic? At times I feel so iscolated, like… uh. I'm the only one paying attention to anything!
 
Geoff couldn't think of a single female singer he liked. He knows that he DISLIKES Kathleen Hanna and Karen O, simply because they're "screechy" but he couldn’t think of a single goddamned singer he did like. Male OR female. Recorded or live. Anyone at all. It was… weird. It's not like I'm mad at him or anything, that’s a stupid thing to be mad about, it's just that… that's really fucking weird. How can anyone be so spaced out there entire damned life as to never take note of a single female singer? It isn’t like he's sexist and purposefully ignored them, he just never cared enough about their music to bother to discover their identity or anything about them. The sad part is that this is probably true of a lot of people. Honesty, it's so fucking sad. How can you listen to the radio and not be DRIVEN INSANE by not knowing who's playing the song? Jesus.
 
I like music a lot.
 
Well I may be just a fool
But I know you're just as cool
And cool kids- they belong together.
 
So today was my cousin Sarah's wedding. It was so beautiful. It was in this tiny, funky church, and the pastor was this cool lady who told a story about Sarah and Chris meeting in the shoe store where Sarah worked. It was really very funny, and sweet, and everyone was so happy. I smiled and almost cried. It was great.
And then Sara, my aunt Sara, Dan's wife, and her three kids and I, all went to her house to grab something, and then went for coffee. We saw Elliott Street, where Elliott Smith got his name when he lived in Portland, (he changed it from Steve) and we saw the big building where they had this memorial to him. Sigh. Kinda made me… ech. The last album is going to be released on October 19th, you know, on Anti Records. It's only 16 tracks, the other 19 are remaining unreleased. Oddness. Whatever, they'll leak to Soulseek pretty soon anyway.
 
Ugh.
Anyway and then we went to the reception, and my cousin Samantha and I discovered that no one was carding at the bar! Bwahahaha! So we both drank wine with dinner, and uh, wine with desert. I'd never had it before, it was kinda really really really fucking sour at first, but then we learned how to not taste it so much and drink only in little sips, and it was actually pretty cool. Sammy is such a drunk, its ridiculous. She's six months my junior and she lives in the smallest town EVAR so I guess she's pretty bored. You know how life is.
 
Anyway… uh… and I got to see all of my relatives, which was great, because I hadn't seen some people like Uncle Chris, and Delci and her boyfriend Matt, in like 7 or 8 months, since Thanksgiving. I absolutely had a fabulous time. And then we went back to grandpas but no one was there but grandpa and Richard and Harris. We played with the kitten for a bit.
 
On the ride home, Dad was kinda being a dick, and he shut off the music and was an asshole to me, and he made me cry. Sigh. Another instance of me being the only one who cares about music, or ANYTHING. Even he admitted it.
 
"Don’t you remember being 16 at ALL? Didn’t you ever have music that meant that much to you, that if someone insulted it you took it as a personal affront?"
"*pause* I guess the music doesn't mean as much to me now as it used to"
"Well don't you have ANYTHING that means that much to you?"
"*pause*"
 
 
heh… sigh. Anyway I guess I'm ok now cuz we talked about Al Franken. Heh.
 
I tried animation. I'll get better at it. I hate my scanner and I hate my processor. And I hate not being able to draw.
 
 
Augh headache fuck! Sudden onslaught of headache!! Auuuugfhjahdfksdjvdfv beedddddddd
current music:

and, today's post:

cryptorchyld14: oh my god, i just found the postal service version of such great heights, the original

cryptorchyld14: oh... my god

cryptorchyld14: its like... hyper electronica

cryptorchyld14: its so different

cryptorchyld14: i like iron and wines so much better

blindxsj: ... i've had that for quite some time.

cryptorchyld14: well i've never heard anything by the postal service before

cryptorchyld14: oh my god this sucks

cryptorchyld14: *turns it off*

blindxsj: i like it better than iron and wine's version.

cryptorchyld14: are you serious? its retarded! its like all, "boopedy boop, lets make J-Pop!" they could at least do the lyrics the service of being slow and sleepy

cryptorchyld14: i mean the words are amazing, but the music sounds like they recorded it on their Casios or something

blindxsj: but iron and wine puts me to sleep.

blindxsj: it's just ... boring and dull and nothing pleases my sense.

blindxsj: senses*

cryptorchyld14: i think thats kinda the effect sam beam was aiming for.

cryptorchyld14: man i'd rather be sleepy than pissed off and nauseated

blindxsj: but the postal service doesn't piss me off or nauseate me.

blindxsj: iron and wine pisses me off for having faith in it.c

ryptorchyld14: the song is supposed to bring to mind hot air balloons and old photographs, weathered in sepia tones in someone's attic

cryptorchyld14: ... for having faith in what?

blindxsj: that i would like iron and wine enough to even download it.

cryptorchyld14: dont you like ANY iron and wine?

blindxsj: none that i have ever heard.

blindxsj: blasphemous.

cryptorchyld14: god, you're weird

cryptorchyld14: i'm practically in love with sam beam. he's a true musician, a romantic heart and a anachronism

blindxsj: i'm sure he is all of that, i just don't like iron and wine.

cryptorchyld14: ben gibbard can suck my dick and go play with his keyboards in his basement until he's ready to play real music

blindxsj: i'm not saying that i actually LIKE the postal service. i was saying that i would sooner listen to his version of it over sam beam's.

cryptorchyld14: thats still ridiculous. dont you find it at least a small affront to your senses to have that much ENERGY thrown at you? isnt the constant disco beat annoying, and kind of at odds with the sweet romanticism of the song?

blindxsj: sam beam's version doesn't entertain me. there isn't enough to it. it's just one small, boring, sleepy voice and a slow, slow quiet guitar.

cryptorchyld14: well i'll give it that its not the most enthralling thing in the world

blindxsj: i mean i'm sure the lyrics are beautiful and all, but i'm really  not looking for JUST lyrics in music.

cryptorchyld14: but honestly wouldnt you say that its better to have space for your own ideas? iron and wines cover allows so much territory uncharted, you can fill in the creative blanks yourself. with ben gibbard, everything is prepackaged. it sounds like a commercial for Greatest of the 80s.

blindxsj: there has to be a loud drum beat to keep me awake, and for me to slap my knees or clench my teeth together with every beat.

cryptorchyld14: its almost cruel to it's own words, in that sense. a betrayal of their poetry.

cryptorchyld14: so you'd rather be entertained and cheapened than bored and intellectual?

blindxsj: but there is PLENTY of music out there that keeps me entertained and still feeling intellectual (despite the fact that i am NOT intellectual in any way at all.)

cryptorchyld14: ... bleh, thats irrelevant. given the choice between the two, what would you chose?

blindxsj: the two what? we've discussed selections of two twice in this conversation. which one was it? choice in either iron and wine or the postal service, or being bored and intellectual or entartained and dumb?

cryptorchyld14: the latter, the second

blindxsj: well there isn't a third choice out of that, which is remarkably unreasonable. there has to be a selection of "being entertained and intellectual at the same time"

cryptorchyld14: no there doesnt because we're only discussing the two songs, one of which is cheap and one of which is smart.

blindxsj: well then you aren't asking me if i would be entertained and dumb, or bored and smart.

cryptorchyld14: if we were discussing, say, the iron and wine cover of such great heights, the postal sevice original, AND stairway to heaven, then we could have a third option of entertaining and intellectual, but neither of the songs we're talking about falls into both of those catagories.

blindxsj: yes i'm aware of that. but i thought you were asking me as a whole, going out of just those two bands.

blindxsj: but out of those two, i would rather listen to the postal service's version.

cryptorchyld14: you honestly would?

blindxsj: yes.

blindxsj: i already said that before.

cryptorchyld14: you, my freind, are a full-fledged, raving lunatic.

cryptorchyld14: but that's alright.

blindxsj: okay.

blindxsj: but as for being entertained and intellectual at the same time, can't you think of bands at the top of your head that go into that category?

cryptorchyld14: sure. radiohead.

blindxsj: there you go.blindxsj: i had modest mouse listed ... which kind of works and kind of doesn't i.e. sad sappy sucker. what the hell was that?

cryptorchyld14: good call, another album that crosses the line between experimentation and contempt for one's audience

blindxsj: yep.

blindxsj: ... holy crap. i just had a long discussion about music. isn't that HOT?

 
 
 
 
(pssst... down here. today i went to gaileas wedding, and watched belly dancing and drank CHARDONEY or however you spell that, which tasted like less of ass than the other stuff yesterday. for future reference, in order to not wince when drinking wine, you have to drink it in tiny little sips and make it hit your front teeth before your tongue, so the shock is diverted. also, i cleaned up my room. tomorrow: geoff)

shut out what they say
x 21:34

16.7.04



current mood:  ok
current music: much finer- le tigre
 
    

take the which femme are you? test! 
so i havent updated in a while. this: i know.
 
http://nakkidnerds.com/images/freepix/015.jpg  but look how pretty her tattoos are! (lookout, boobies!)
 
 
so just to get this out of the way, i didnt get to see le tigre. it was a huge, huge, huge fucking dissapointing thing, but i was ok after a bit. i found out that they had cancelled their summer tour at a point when i was feeling pretty crappy anyway, and that just made stuff worse. but it turned out ok in the end, as things have a habit of doing!
and also, katie didnt end up coming with us. *sad face* because her rents are tools. she couldnt find a ticket, and so we found a scalper who had tickets, but she still couldnt get a ride in, despite all of our efforts, so there was no katie sighting for any party involved. it was a sad thing. BUUUT. her rents are gonna let her come visit sometime soon, so some good dallas times will be had. we'll prolly eat some ice cream, and uh do lots of drugs and have lots of sex. i dont know. shit.
but anyway back to the show. on the way up we listened to a lot of Stryper, this horrid christian hair metal band from the 80s. and then uh uh uh we had to find the address of music millenium and while we were finding that, i drew tattoos on everyone, the most classic one being the large ASS on travis' arm, with the phrase "!!!FLEX!!!" underneath it. and then we went over to the old millenium, which was sweet because i'd only been there once and trav had never been there, and it was generally pretty cool. we went upstairs and looked through the vinyl and trav found Her Majesty The Decemberists, and it was purchased, and all was well. so then we hitailed it to the show.
thats when we met the scalper guy who was basically mike withams older brother. it was pretty crazy. he signed my arm. it says "AlecBradshaw#FAT"... except it doesnt saybradshaw so much as Bjn. but he said that it said Bradshaw. a strange guy, certainly.
and some other creepy scalper with a mullet offered me a buncha money to climb a drainpipe cuz i had on a skirt.
and then we went in. and sonic youth tshirts were ours. and it was good. and then this band, we THINK they were wolf eyes, played, and they were ok. kinda really dull but they would be a good band to listen to when you were trying to sleep or making out or shooting up or something, just not the most enthralling concert experience. and then this other band called, (we THINK) hair police played, and it was absolutely the most godawful sound i have ever heard in my entire life. i realize that i am, as of yet, only 16 and thus have not heard so many godawful sounds, but that was probably the most godawful sound that i will ever heard for the rest of my life, which i intend to be long, fruitful and full of godawful sounds. so there's that. it was just one, lomg, half-hour long, distorted and feedbacked sound. no tune, no structure, and even the guy screaming couldnt audibly be seperated from the feedback from the "guitarist" and the "keyboardist"/ "saxophonist" / "big metal sheet whacker" guy. it was... a thing to be heard. no one cheered.
and then sonic youth played, but we were REALLY tired, and way too hot where we were standing, and bummed and mad at the second bands and our feet hurt, so we went to the back and basically sat and watched for a while and talked a bunch. dont get me wrong, that was probably a lot cooler than staying up front. i really love brandt and travis and ryan to death. they're some of the closest people to my heart *sniffles* and they're really all just awesome, great friends. that opinion is further cemented by experiences like that.
anyway and then afterwards we went out to montage and got some kickin mac and cheese, and salad for ryan! it was awesome times, i really love that restraunt. to quote travis "i really hope i go to art school up here, just for places like this" so true, trav.
and then we rode home, and listened to the yeah yeah yeahs... a LOT. and sang along a LOT. and ryan said a really dumb thing... "oh, your food is actually IN there?" hehe... *hugs ryan*
and uh then we all got dropped off and i came home and crashed. and today mom and i went into salem to sears to buy a shirt for my father to wear to the wedding, and fought a lot.
and i wore my new holly hobby skirt (made from a little girls nightgown- shorter than knee length, thin white cotton with a holly hobbie print and a ruffle, i wear it over an old lacey skirt with the bottom 2-3 inches of slip, also a ruffle, showing under it- its sweet and cute and summery. i loves it. mommy made it) and my new bright green sonic youth shirt! whoa! its green and it has a photo of a woman wearing a sonic youth tshirt! whooooa!
 
well thats basically it... katie might come down soon! aaaaaah! that means we'll have to have a party at brandt, or at someones, with nightswimming and a vegan barbaque and lots of loud indie rock!
 
also, ryan and trav and brandt and i wanna be in a band! i dunno what i'm playing. various things were discussed. they say i can sing. i honestly cant sing. but then again, neither can kathleen hanna or karen O, two of my favourite vocalists of all time. and grace slick, who COULD sing, had a really weird, deep voice that she prolly hated. so i dunno. maybe i can sing. whatever. i can certainly have "amusing onstage antics!" heh... and uh i cant play guitar cuz i suck, but i could do basic rhythm, or i could attempt keys/synth or something. eh? eh? the point is, we should rock out and write some ultra-experimental indie sadcore songs, and sound like le tigre, belle and sebastian, bright eyes, modest mouse and the yeah yeah yeahs. we decided that those should be some of our influences. eh? also... uh... some german bands you've never heard of... hehe. like hasslehoff?
 
that's all, i'm out. i love you all. please call and tell me a story.

shut out what they say
x 21:10

13.7.04

little girls got the blues

current mood: tired
current music: tunic (song for karen) - sonic youth

happy to see le tigre and sonic youth soooon
blogger will be down tomorrow, but i will be at the beach with my cousins so i'm ok with that. are you?

i dont even want to talk about the polk county fair art contests. theyre retarded, fuck you. i have until the 9th to enter like 20 peices, all of which are mixed media, in their ONE mixed media lot, or their ONE prints lot, even tho all photos are by nature prints, and... gah. gah. i'll figure it out i guess, tho its hardly worth the effort.

on thursday we're gonna go see le tigre and sonic youth! promises to be a VERY fun show. i think before the show or maybe after the show if we feel up to it, we'll go over to montage for some MACARONI AND CHEESE or in ryans case, something without so very much cheese. oui? that's always a fun place to eat, and a fun place to rehash shows. even tho i've been there *counts on fingers* once.

<3 !

i can't draw lately.
but tomorrow i'm going over to the beach with my grandmother and my mother, and my uncle mike and my younger cousin rosalyn (read: spoiled brat who isnt even spoiled- how's that work? just demanding) and i'll prolly draw some, i dunno. i'll take my notebook and uh some watercolours. maybe we'll end up going down to waldport, and i can find my goth pal and he can show me his PAAAAINTINGS! BWAHAHAHAAA! long story. nevermind.

anyway er
i got 100% on my latest quiz for chemeketa! yay?
i made geoff sad today, tho, by not being able to hang out with him today or tomorrow. sigh. i'm SORRY! i didnt mean to!
*hugs geoff*
go play at aumsville and play with a kitten! wheee!

that's pretty much all. i dont know if my cezzle will get reception at the beach, but feel free to give me a call at 503 409 8840 if you feel the need to tell me something. maybe mike will bring his laptop and i can connect? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW. regardless: i'm out for the night. loves to everybody, and i'll see all (most) of you on thursday at about 5! w00t!

current music update: what a wonderful world- joey ramone
yah thats better. i want this song to be played at my funeral.

i see skies of blue, and clouds of white
bright sunny days, and dark sacred nights
and i think to myself, what a wonderful world!!!
i see friends shakin' hands, saying "how do you do?" they're really saying:
I LOVE YOU.

shut out what they say
x 08:29

12.7.04

please pretend that i'm out of town, ok?

current mood: tired
current music: much finer- le tigre

My mind's on rewind
And quicksand
(What?)
I was up all night doing nothing
(Last night? Again?)
Do you wanna stay in bed all day?
(Yeah!)
Do remember feeling any other way?
(No!)
I musta been sleeping when you called
I'm not feeling well at all
Got this thing that's been going around called
"Please pretend that I'm outta town"
(OK!)
Do you wanna stay in bed all day?
(Yeah!)
Do remember feeling any other way?
(No!)

I'll make some coffee
Put on some eyeliner
I think I'll find that things are fine
and they're gonna get much fiiiiiner!
Do you wanna stay in bed all day?
(Yeah!)
Do remember feeling any other way?
(No!)
Do you wanna stay in bed all day?
(Yeah!)

Hey look I'm really sorry
I couldn't make it to your party
I know it looks like I'm gonna cry
Got up to do this behind my eyes.
Go tell your friends I'm still a feminist
But I won't be coming to your benefit

I give up

I'll be at home today.


man i'm happy that i get to go see le tigre soon.
i havent really done anything noteworthy in the past few days. have you?
i drew a thing, its on my DA account.
i slept a LOT.

i went to country fair, it was fun, as i would expect. i walked around the whole damned fair with rosie like 1900000 times and so i was exhausted- fell asleep on the car ride home, got home at 7:30, crashed and didnt get up for 16 hours. and then i slept for like 12 hours last night too. its been nice. went grocery shopping today.

i get it. i get it i get it i get it.


ahhh so tired. tomorrow i'll do more nothing. and prolly uh... eat some food, and maybe draw a picture. maybe go into town to hang out with geoff and get stonex0red but prolly not cuz moms a butt.

dad gave me all the beer in the fridge. he was like, "here, you can have this. i'm never gonna drink it. just dont take it out of the house. you dont need to be 21 to drink as long as someone who is 21 buys it for you." i giggled. he's a funny dude, my dad.

the other night i went to an easterly show with trav, brandt and riley and that was fun but MORE fun was riding home with mrs albert who yelled things at people. we pulled up next to a guy in a biiig truck and she yelled "ARE YOU OVERCOMPENSATING? DO- YOU- HAVE- A- SMALL- PENIS?!?!" at him. it was great. great times.
*yawn*

can you feel the summer? it feels nice.

shut out what they say
x 01:01

8.7.04

(katies dad is a republican. i'm sure hes actually really a wonderful person, but since this is all i know about him, i simply cannot resist)

music junkie 119: I forced my dad to see Fahrenheit 911 with me.
music junkie 119: we haven't gone yet, but we will.
cryptorchyld14: good.
cryptorchyld14: what will he say?
cryptorchyld14: imagine what his golf buddies would think! oh the scandal
cryptorchyld14: they'd kick him out of their shareholders meetings for sure
music junkie 119: haha
cryptorchyld14: no more saturdays watching the dust settle on their money. no more walks in the park to kick the homeless. no siree, he'd be right ousted from republicanism as a whole.
music junkie 119: hah, my dad isn't that bad.
cryptorchyld14: i'm sure he isnt.
music junkie 119: He'll agree with everything we talk about, like all of the enviormental issues and stuff, but.. he just had a hard childhood, his father graded him on how much money he made and how nice of a house. His father was the republican to go after.
music junkie 119: anyways, he always put my father down as a kid, and it's still affecting him.
music junkie 119: he didn't nessicarally have a childhood full of love. He didn't have much family support at all. And it's caused him to have some... bumbs in the road.
cryptorchyld14: haha! did he hit them as he went by, and yell "get a job"? oh, wait, you mean BUMPS. not bums. haha- so sorry. my bad.

shut out what they say
x 21:50

all my lies are always wishes
i know i would die if i could come back new

The cash machine is blue and green
Four hundred in twenties and a small service fee
I could spend three dollars and sixty-three cents
On Diet Coca-Cola and unlit cigarettes
I wonder why we listen to poets when nobody gives a fuck
How hot and sorrowful, this machine begs for luck
All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new
I want a good life with a nose for things
the fresh wind and bright sky to enjoy my suffering
A hole without a key if I break my tongue
Oh, speaking of tomorrow, how will it ever come?
All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new
I'm down on my hands and knees
every time a doorbell rings
I shake like a toothache
when I hear myself sing
All my lies are only wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new
I would like to salute
the ashes of American flags
And all the fallen leaves
filling up shopping bags

shut out what they say
x 20:46

young smart kids at parties roughly 20 years old
or
a collection of human moments

(someone): Sunsets are my favorite thing in the whole world. I could go forever without talking to someone as long as they're there. I have so many layers tath I put on. they aren't me. well I don't think they are. maybe just the siple fact that I wear them makes them me. but I feel like I'm always hiding in an image that doesn't fit right
(Someone): it's hard to find myself in this mess of everything else.

(someone): hehe
(someone): im lonely
(someone): at my house
(someone): i think im going to go on a walk around 3:30
(someone): but maybe not
(someone): i want to talk
(someone: lets have deep conversations
(someone): about life
(someone): and emotions
(someone): and thoughts
(someone): and everthing that goes on in our head
(me): alright, lets. where do we begin?
(me): did it ever occur to you that we're writing lyrics as we talk?
(someone): yeahwow
(someone): i just wrote a song!
(me): someday when we're older, we'll speak in meter and rhyme, it will be astonishing
(someone): yes
(someone): or pig latin
(Someone): etsey bay
(me): (omeone say)
(someone): (omeone say)
(someone): oh wow!
(me): ep yay
(someone): haha!
(me): well our meaningful lyrics-jam there dissolved into silliness rather quickly
(me): but even that is almost meaningful
(me): everything is layers, isnt it
(someone): yeah
(someone): very true
(someone): i hope you never die betsey
(me): never ever?
(someone): never
(someone): or at least until i die
(someone): i would be sad
(me): forever is a pretty long time to go without loving anybody.
(me): so i think maybe it wouldnt be so fun.

(me): why did you do all that?
(me): are you doing a rebellion thing?
(someone): I don't know why I do anything anymore.
(someone): so it's grey
(someone): and so are my favourite cities
(someone) signed off at 3:18:37 AM.
(someone) signed on at 3:18:49 AM.
(someone) signed off at 3:21:52 AM.
(someone) signed on at 3:22:24 AM.

(someone): I still love you

(me): hey i understand that
(someone): of course you do
(me): is that a universal experience or are we just oddballs?
(someone): I think it's us
(me): who else then?
(me): and thats sort of elitist isnt it?
(someone): how so. we're the ones preeching about being different but yet we're also the (someone): we're the D-end of the bell curve
(me): but at the same time we're taking pride in that fact, and in our obscurity and rarity. its like the glamour of the downtrodden. its like rocknroll.
(someone): ah, how true it is.
(someone): we take pride in being prideless
(me): haha exactly

(someone): it says in small font : "blah blah i love you..."

(someone): hey you know whos hot like sex and makes everyone hot?
(someone): ....hot in the pants, that is
(someone else): who's that?
(someone): betsey and katie!
(someone else): hell yeah!

shut out what they say
x 03:17

wait
they dont love you like i love you
maps
they dont love you like i love you

shut out what they say
x 02:42

7.7.04

lift the anchor sha sha sha sha

current mood: bored
current music: diamonds on the face of evil- ugly casanova

so i thought "gee this will be nice for a change, a whole evening all to myself. geoff is in aumsville, travis is busy with brandt, katie is... somewhere, and ryan isnt on! so i can just rellaaaax and draw and listen to ugly casanova!"


well...
that lasted like 12 seconds

i miiiiiiiss my friends! where IS everyone?!? *sad frown*
sigh
i guess i'll draw something. i honestly cant think of ANYTHING to talk about right now so i guess i'll shut up.

shut out what they say
x 23:07

hotcha girls

current mood: mmm mmm good.
current music: hotcha girls- ugly casanova (sharpen your teeth)

smells like autumn, smells like leaves
you don't know that you'll rust and not belong so much, and then get left alone.
suck it up, take a ride and take a walk.
and don't you know that old folks' homes smell so much like my own?
the hotcha girls at the palisades,
dime store keets, pretty birds, pretty mouths.
mama's little truck stop rose, her dancing feet, her happy laugh.
we were dropping dimes on the ponies in the cul-de-sac,
casting shadows, throwing sparks.
we left our teeth marks on the barrel of the gun.
the clipper ship across your chest.
turns out the pony only had one trick, a wink for the truck stop boys.
they learned it all from the polaroids.
smells like autumn, smells like leaves,
you don't know that you'll rust and not belong so much and then get left alone.
suck it up, take a ride and take a walk.
and don't you know that old folks' homes smell so much like my own?
time blends light, paint's all peeling, wait outside, take four rights.
the hotcha girls in the palisades,
dime store keets, pretty birds, pretty mouths.
glass eyes and the wooden teeth,
the engine's rusting, in deep deep sleep, it waits.
the mail came from miles away, the postal man is always late,
and we wait, and we wait.
tight lipped with a big ol' mouth,
the government workers all headed south while it rained.
glassy eyes and wooden teeth,
the engine's rusted, in deep deep sleep it waits, and it waits, it waits to awake.

shut out what they say
x 22:50

current mood:
current music:

i roll the window down and then begin to breathe in
the darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen as
you are driving me home
then looking upwards, i strain my eyes and try
to tell the difference between shooting stars and sattellites
from the passanger seat as you are driving me home
"do they collide?" i ask, and you smile.
with my feet on the dash, the world doesn't matter.
when you feel emberassed, then i'll be your pride.
when you need directions, i'll be the guide.

today was a good day. pretty much the best day ever.
so i woke up at like 8, because my mother was telling me too. thats like 5 hours of sleep. the least sleap i've had all summer. ergh it sucked. my eyes were really dry and sticky, and it was just annoying as hell.
so then i got dressed and grabbed my gleetar and went into lesson with gary, which was fun cuz we had to redo this whole white stripes song because we had it in the wrong tuning. it turns out that instead of a power chord on 1, 4, 3, 6, its a bar chord on 2 and then power chords on 3 2 and 1. insane huh?

uh
and then mom and i went to the humane sociey charity second hand store
and i found this pair of old skool vintage converse, theyre not chuck taylors theyre... jack parsells. solid white with a blue stripe. pretty sweet. and then we went to the as-is store which was dull, and ross! which is always a pain in the ass, but i found like 19 very similar sundresses that i tried on, and only one was small enough (apparently i think i am fatter than i am- i thought i was a 12 and the one i ended up getting is an 8/9.... weird huh?) so then we called geoff, to see what he was up to
picked him up
hung out in readers guide books for a while
and then went to the mall, because mom wanted a dress for HER for sarahs wedding (thats what the sundress is for) and geoff and i wandered around for like an hour while mom looked. finding nothing. GEOFF STOPPED THE ESCALATORS. BUT HE DID NOT MEAN TO, AND WAS SORRY.

so then we went to see napolean dynamite! the lady who runs the indie theatre says that they had no more "vote for pedro" buttons. saaaaaad. i really wanted one, too. saaaad. that movie was really really good, in case you're wondering. really good. prolly the best movie ever made. pretty sweet.

hehe.

anyway so then we took geoff home and drove home. that day may not sound like so much fun to you, but it was for me. oh and another thing, mom bought me WINGS! theyre these little fake pink wings for a little girl to wear at halloween- i think i might wear them to country fair on friday. then again, i might just wear jeans. YOU NEVER KNOW. i'm going to country fair with rosie, so that promises to be fun. i think i'll take $20 and like 7 rolls of color film and survive on that alone for what, 7 hours? sweet.

i've been having these really vivid dreams lately
and lots of IDEAS!

1) it would be cool if someone were to break into joe's house. no not joe wileys house. but joe montez's house, the abandoned condemned house right down the hill from me. they've bolted the doors and boarded up the windows, but i bet you a dollar i could get the door open with a sledgehammer. i mean, i should be able to just break the knob off, right? the door is like, an INDOOR door. or we could just pry off the boards over the cellar door (oooh cellar door) and go in the way. that might be a bit donnie darko for me, tho. but it would be cool if someone got in there. all the food and appliances and furniture have been thrown out, and i bet theres a ghost since that kid killed himself there. someone should do that with me and we can smoke pot and get scared. cmon it'l be great.

2) i wanna try eating mushrooms. i really do. i hear they taste like ass but are super-fun. i dont care what you say, geoff. i wanna try it at least once. and if i hate it, then i'll STOP! see?

3) i want to draw this thing i saw in the as-is store today. this teenager girl, wearing a marilyn manson tshirt, was pushing this cart, looking sullen. and up in the front of the cart, standing up, like a captain at the head of a ship, was her baby sister, about 5. and she had a toy ray gun that went FWEE FWEE! when she shot it at something. and she had this crazed smile on her face and was blasting everything in sight with it. and her sister just kept pushing, like, jesus christ. stop it. it was a very funny image.

4) another funny image was this urban hipster guy talking to this businessman, i saw that on a streetcorner in salem today.

5) i uh... i had a thought. being sad for a year has made me so much more appreciative of genuine happy, carefree, childlike moments. the word "carefree" has always seemed stupid and been assosciated with bubblegum, but i kinda like it now. do you understand what you mean, tho? lately i have been feeling so much better. lately i have been able to pay so much more attention to the times when i am happy, than i do to the times when i am sad. how does that work out? its probably due, in a large part, to wearing so much pink lately. seriously, try it out. wearing pink makes me so happy.

when i first found geoff, outside readers guide, derrick skated by. with a beer in his hand. i said "hey derrick, look, i have WINGS!" showing off my fake wings. "... what?" he said. "WINGS!!" i replied, turning around so he could better see them. "uh... cool" he yelled back, and skated off.
it was a human moment.
so i'm gonna go talk to travis now. i love you all. please talk to me soon. i do love you so very much, you know.

shut out what they say
x 20:41

5.7.04

i am a faulty string of blue christmas lights

current mood: mmmm
current music: my favourite chords- the weakerthans

so anal gore terror is probably the worst thing i've ever heard in my entire life
do NOT download that album
its not even funny, awful, or ironic, awful
its just internal hemhoraging awful
i seriously couldnt even get through a whole track, and theyre only 40 seconds long

the 4th was the best in years
we blew things up and generally had a pretty magical day
i like firecrackers
we blew up apples and carrots and paper planes and soda cans and then shot tomato soup cans up into the air
yah dude

and i had this crazy dream!
(copied from when i was telling geoff about it)

cryptorchyld14 (12:17:33 PM): i had this weird dream that both you and i transfered to morrison for some reason, and nick was still going there, and he like, had this big scene where he threw all his papers at the teacher and stormed out of the classroom, thus quitting school, and everyone cheered for him. and the teacher was this really cool nerd guy who sang to us, like, as our lessons, and he gave us this math packet to do that made no sense at all so i drew all over it and he gave me full credit. and then one of my teeth broke in half so i had to go to the dentist when i got picked up by my mom. so i went and i got xrays and shit and then they put my tooth through this weird machine where it went around and around the room in this weird clear tube with blue liquid in it, which i think was fruit juice, and also there were froot loops, like, the cereal, inside the tube, and then the tube got smaller and smaller as it went so finally the tooth stuck, and thats how they measured its diamterer. then the nurse told me that when i am xrayed, i look like i have arthritis, because i have such small hands and teeth but such a big body. suddenly i had a very disturbing image of someones teeth being forced out of place by the claws/paws of moles, each one tiny and teh size of a tooth, replacing all the teeth in their mouth. they were screaming, so someone gave them a shot. i remember thinking that that was unfortunate. then i was watching a commercial in the dentists office for getting caps put on your teeth, only they were clear for some reason and it made no sense. some fat girl and i both had to write stories, for morrison english, and she wrote one about the teacher falling in love with her so we all knew she secretly had a crush on him. then later the dentist admitted to raping someone (a taller boy, with dark hair, but his hair was shorter than yours so i dont think it was you) while he was in the dentist chair under anesthesia. i thought to myself, "i am late for school! i do not have time to look around for a new dentist!". for some reason there was a deadline i had to meet for transfering dentists, similar to cell phone service being in 1 yr contracts. so stayed with the rapist guy and went to school, where i learned that it had burned down. we all stood around in the ashes, the teachers and staff who all had very vivid personalities, looking somber. when he (the dentist) admitted that, he was driving the boy somewhere, through this huge tunnel, and i was in the back seat and i dont think they knew i was there and they both started crying, the dentist said he was in love with the boy and there was lots of drama. the car sped up and the lights in the tunnel flashed by overhead in strange colors. i remember thinking that it must be a very advanced civilization that can build a tunnel this deep underground with such cool lights, which is ironic, thinking about it now, because a civilization where dentists rape their patients perhaps is not so advanced. the car was a newer, german car, which was gray and had all sorts of computer navigation systems. at morrison, on the math packet, i was drawing lots and lots of circles, and i believe they were polka dots on the stockings on these legs that were drawn at the top of each page. it was like those math worksheets for young children that have drawings of fish and things like that, that somehow weakly correlate to the problems, only every single page had a large, R. Crumb style leg at the top, and its pantyhose needed decorating. i remember wondering whether it was really R Crumbs drawings, and also how the teacher got the rights to photocopy it for us.

shut out what they say
x 19:24

4.7.04

please give blood

current mood: nicey :)
current music: in other words- ben kweller

you know whats been bugging me a lot lately? the fact that my parents have no friends. seriously, they have no friend! well, maybe a few. my mom has margie, who will come stay with us for a weekend every HUGE once in a while, and nadine, who she emails and sees once every few years, and barb whop we barely ever hear from. and my dad... well my dad has clay, who he goes for a cup of coffee with sometimes, and scott who we see on christmas at the banks' party. and that's that. oh, and the guy who used to live down the hill from us, kevin. he's my dad's freind, too, and he came and visited the other day. but seriously, usually it's months at a time in between times when either of them has any sort of social interaction. COULD THIS BE WHY THEY ARE SUCH BITCHES. THEY ARE LONELY. most of the time my mom just talks to family on the phone, like my dad's sisters-in-law and shit like that. whee party.

i dunno, i kinda dread that happening to me, i guess. i mean, what if, when i'm old, all of my freinds just vanish and i'm left to putter around the house, taking care of kids and dogs and some shit like that? i guess i dont have to worry for a while, cuz i dont plan on stopping being awesome until i'm like 35, but still. you know? its kind of a worriesome though. like, what if i could only hang out with the family i married into, like my mom does. lets say i married geoff. that would mean that i would get to talk to derrick, adrian and charlie on the phone, and hang out with them and like, invite them over for picnics on the 4th and shit like that! christ. or what if i married travis? his family does even live in this damned STATE. so then what the hell would i do?


you know what else has been bugging me since last night? carlei told me that she and jenne like to download the free samples from retardsex.com and watch them, for laughs. this disturbs me. i went to that site, to see if it really WAS funny, and its not meant to be funny, folks. its serious. and i quote:


"Its simple (like they are!).
We take retards.. we embarass them, exploit them .. and fuck them.. why? ....cause its fucking funny:-)

Click to bookmark this page now! so you don't forget it!"


"Amanda - 19 - This poor little retard is FAR too trusting.. she came knocking on our door looking for her puppy dog... minutes later.. shes on all fours being treated like a puppy herself. Fucked like a dog.. slapped like a whore.. and teased like a retard... and after it all .. tossed on the street naked and whimpering in true spastic fashion. Check this out!"

isn't that sweet? i'm all for porn, and i'm all for humorous porn, but somehow i fail to find that funny. its just... fucking sick. it's obviously stages, because that's illegal, but still, what the hell kind of person thinks "oh wow, i think i'll go watch a video of a man beating up a retarded woman, making fun of her, fucking her, writing "retard" on her forehead and then throwing her out in the street!" fucking... augh. its that kind of sick machismo that leads to shit like www.maxhardcore.com and gives porn a bad name. normally i dont get pissed off by porn, but that shit isnt hot, or funny, and if you think its either of those then you are one sick fuck and i hope you get raped by a chimpanzee. seriously. i'll film it, and then laugh at it later, oh ho ho i am funny! lolz!

done.

so i guess i'm gonna go pick up travs, and we're gonna go into monmouth and watch a lameo parade and then uh... sit on the sidewalk and drink soda and watch the parade some more! whee! and then i'm coming back here, and so is all the rest of my family, so we're all gonna dink around here and make food and eat it, and then prolly go into grandpas to BLOW SHIT THE FUCK UP

you dont tell me about whats going on
fucking make up your mind
stop dragging it on
they're only words, they dont hurt

we're constantly afraid

shut out what they say
x 11:21

3.7.04

i was bad news for you just because

current mood: bored
current music: pitseleh- elliott smith

seriously what the fuck is wrong with me
why do i always download music that sounds really really really terrible
like why the fuck did i download kill the man who questions? that is some of the worst damn music i have ever heard. and yet... its awesome. for irony's sake. but being ironic shouldnt take up such a large portion of my music, you know?

on that note, i'm currently downloaing Festering Caverns of Ass by Anal Gore Terror. no joke. some track names, you ask? alright, we can do this.

Eau D'Urine
Bison Make The Best Lovers (Anal Bleeding Remix)
(Premature) Baby Back Ribs
Your Cunt, My Cock... NOW!
Anal Symphony In The Key of Ass Major
Love Song (Black Guy (Dead) White Girl)
Poopchute Playground
Preschool Prostitute
Menstraul Blood Smoothie
Shit In Your Milk

and that's not all! there's 31 tracks of goodness here, folks! download it today!

in other news. i did a new... drawering? paintering? thingee. its on my DA account http://missmisery16.deviantart.com and uh... i dunno. its exceptionally gothy, so much that i was kinda emberassed by it. but i really had fun doing it, specially the weirdo textures and stuff, so uh go check it out, if you like to look at things.

i'm gonna do another one, tho. similar but a lot better. change the layout, change the way i draw the HU-MAN.

crush all hu-mans.
fuck you.

shut out what they say
x 16:27

2.7.04

huuuugs! (fsuck j00)

current mood: full of cereal
current music: the same deep water as you- the cure

http://philippesblog.blogspot.com/ !!

phillipe for america!

man i hella dont feel like writing anything. nothing good happened today, but nothing bad happened either. i took a bath.

i found a copy of the O Brother Where Are't Thou soundtrack in my bedroom today, on cd. why do i have this? i dont rememebr buying it and i dont remember anyone in my family buying it. i listened to it while i was cleaning (in between the Joe Wiley Soundtrack and some REM album that i dont know thw name of) and it was actually ok. dang, i dont even remember liking that movie but now, thinking about it, it sounds pretty cool. maybe i should watch it again one of these days.

eggs

shut out what they say
x 23:37

ergh

current mood: ergh
current music: smells like teen spirit- tori amos

you want to go to school
you want a good job
you want to get married
you want to own a car

you're boring, you're gay, you're old, you have goals

you want to own a house
you want to have kids
if these are your goals
then you're fucking stupid
(You Have Goals- Anal Cunt)

YOU THINK YOUR LIFE'S SO IMPORTANT
YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN
YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING FAGGOT
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU

YOU, YOU KEEP A DIARY

YOU POMPOUS ASSHOLE DICKFACE
YOU'LL PROBABLY WRITE A BOOK
ONLY ANOTHER ASSHOLE WOULD PUBLISH IT
YOU DUMB STUPID FAG
(You Keep A Diary- Anal Cunt)
(i kid you not)


http://www.lyricallysquared.com/viewartist/A.C. read s'more

shut out what they say
x 21:58

What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

GREEN:
At work or in school: I work best by myself. I like to focus on my ideas until my desire for understanding is satisfied. I am easily bored if the subject holds no interest to me. Sometimes, it is hard for me to set priorities because so many things are of interest.
With friends: I may seem reserved. Although my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity.
With family: I am probably seen as a loner because I like a lot of private time to think. Sometimes, I find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules that don't make sense to me. I show love by spending time with my family and sharing ideas and interests.



and now, a comment from elizabeth. LOOK AT THE IMAGE. how can a person be "hypthetical"? are they trying to say that i am interested in the hypothetical? because in reality, saying that i AM hypothetical implies that i am just a calculated guess, and i dont really exist, which is absurd.
OR IS IT?!?! 1111 OM \G lol.

today i cleaned all day. my bedroom and bathroom are clean now. all i have to do is my office, and that wont take too long- just pick up the papers and stack them in the corner, stick all the books in a box and shove it under the desk, and throw all the cds behind the monitor. wheeee.

i'm so awful.

i've been thinking about moving out someday
and not driving a car
scooters are sexy and mod
i want dreads down to my waist

shut out what they say
x 19:00

"I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then to find a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me." - Sir Isaac Newton

shut out what they say
x 14:32

1.7.04

fuck, i updated and got disconnected.
i'll try again in an hour or so.

shut out what they say
x 20:43

o these pictures of you

current mood: surreal?
current music: ocean- the cure

i don't think i'm any closer now
than i was at fifteen
i still don't know what i really want
or how i really feel
sometimes i think i've seen too much
sometimes nothing at all
and sometimes i think i just forgot
what i was looking for


today was good. i went into salem to my aunt jamies and played with a baby cat. and then i met up with geoff and we sat in the park by the river, and then went and got some food, and then went and sat by another river!

i have decided that this will be the Surreal Summer
(i think that ryan will understand)
i think that i refuse to be hindered by "reality" anymore- i can make things so much more interesting by whole heartedly believing in fairy tales. and with my overactive imagination, i'll certainly be able to convince myself of my own reality.

so now i believe there are druids in the woods building spacecrafts.

and i believe in UFOs contacting humans.

and i believe in channelling ancient spirits.

and i believe whole-heartedly in ghosts. not because i'm searching for some power outside of myself, or any confused spiritual mis-step like that... just because i am bored with living in plain old dallas oregon

i should like to think that this is dallas oregon THE HELL MOUTH.

as geoff and i were driving (he was driving me home) and we were listening to the flaming lips, i took a picture in my brain:
theres this green feild, see? prolly some sprinklers set up all over it, the circular crop irrigation kind. and then theres the SKY! and its BLUE

and theres contrails (or the streaks left behind UFOs) and then theres a row of poplar trees between the road and the feild
and everything streaks by so fastfastfastfastfast but the contrails in the sky stay still
and the sun is going down more and more

s'nice.

oui. oui.
tomorrow i clean.

shut out what they say
x 20:30

30.6.04

the state of the union

current mood: i forgot something!
current music: cat faces- ugly casanova (sharpen your teeth)


if you were wondering what you should be reading:

this young lady does beautiful things, and i wish to steal her talent using a talent straw. *SLURRRRP*

this is small stories, and i love it, so very very much. it is so cute. so very cute.

and THIS is something that you should already be reading, but i must once again remind you, because this latest story arch *Goth Little Nephew* is particularly masterful. isnt it?

and you should also be reading DS, QC and scarygoround. but you already knew that.

and if you're at a loss for something to listen to?

SHARPEN YOUR TEETH- UGLY CASANOVA i've had this album for quite some time, but i just rediscovered it, and i'm absolutely in love. favourite tracks: barnacles, hotcha girls.

SLOW WONDER- AC NEWMAN- wow. pitchfork = right. this album rocks. especially Drink To Me, Babe, Then. nuff said.

HOLD ON LOVE- AZURE RAY- i know, i know, everyone else in the world loved this album before me. shut the hell up, i listen to a LOT of stuff and i dont always have time to listen to things just because 600000000 people tell me that its the best album they've ever heard. but uh These White Lights Will Bend To Make Blue? shit. fucking... shit.

THE BEST OF THE SMITHS VOLUME II- bought this at a garage sale. and it was worth every penny (all 100 of them). i find myself skipping the 2nd and 3rd to last tracks, for some reason, probably just to hurry up and get to There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. regardless, Still Ill is amazing and you should listen to it very, very soon.

DISINTEGRATION- THE CURE. i cant tell you how good this is. i really cant. Picture Of You is... fucking listen to it.

next up on my list of things to absorb is ODELAY! by beck, and You're Living All Over Me, by Dionsaur Jr, and all of Sonic Youth because i'm seeing them soon and i like recognizing songs. and the new bright eyes split as soon as it finishes downloading. *checks progress* nope. not yet.

shut out what they say
x 19:39

la-de-la-da-love tunes

current mood: happy. thats all there is to it.
current music: smoke like ribbons- ugly casanova (sharpen your teeth)

my dad went up to warshington a few days back, and he came back with a present for me- a friggin TON of fireworks! illegal, reservation in warshington fireworks! i am so happy. i got like 50000 m80s, and a bunch of bottle rockets, and a bunch of roman candles, and these cool "missile" things that are like a bunch of black cats in a case, and like 5 gazillion black cats. man, i'm stoked. and we're pretty much set for little fireworks, because mom bought a frikkin case of snappers and a massive thing of sparklers. and my uncle charlie always buys the big fountain things, like the Armageddon Doom Lizard and the Exploding Happy Flower with Golden Bird and stuff like that. oh and and and my uncle EDDDDD went up down to california, i think it was, or nevada, a few months back, and he bought MORTARS. which are a family favourite. so i think we're covering all bases with regards to explosives. my lord, if a schulte dont love to blow shit up, i dont know what we do love.

i havent been doing much lately. yesterday i did a bunch of jobs for mom, and today ryan and i hung out! boy, that was good times. we'de been meaning to hang out for a long time now, so i showed up at his house and we walked over to the park, snapping popper things, and got lost, and then finally found the park and played in the river for a bit, and talked about animals and our childhoods and stuff like that. and we found a spider named dale, and moved him into a tree so he would feel better. and then we went on over to safeway and goodwill, and mom was in goodwill so she bought me a few new shirts, and ryan showed me all the bad ice cream. hehe. you had to be there. and then we went over to oasis, but it was closed, and so we went to h20 and found a book on how men can be multi-orgasmic

me: (showing ryan animal farm) have you read this?
ryan: yah
(pause)
ryan: oh, they HAVE it?

hehe, that was funny at the time. cuz... he saw it, but then he asked if they have it? you know? oh nevermind. so i called geoff to see what he was up to, and he was at the scooterpark, so he came over and we sat there for a while, and then went over to walmart to rearrange. while we were there, a man turned on this massive water pipe thing and like, flooded part of the parking lot. it was really weird. and then uh we went to geoffs, and ate pickles and drank water

and pams annoying little rat bit my foot and when we got mad at it, she was all pissy and like, "wah wah wah, its just a little dog"... fucking, its only a little dog that visciously attacks me everytime i see it! christ! i swear to god, the next time that weasel bites me i'll call animal control on it. and while they're at it they can put pam to sleep, too. what a bitch.

so then geoff drove me to ryans and mom picked me up there. and i came home! and i figured out how my online classes work. thank god. it turned out i wasnt registered on WebCT, even tho i should have been, so i called tech support and they figured it out and fixed it. their bad. so i signed in to health and read all the literature, downloaded my labs, and did them all. that class is such bullshit. its like mrs foberts freshman health class, only apparently its health II. whatever. and uh it has all this shit about the HEALTH CONTINUUM and shit like that

there are six parts of wellness, you know? i'm apparently a pretty well person. wow. who knew. i did all of the assignments for the past two weeks, in less than an hour. wheela. i'll get 1/2 credit on 1/2 of them cuz theyre late because I WASNT ABLE TO SIGN IN TO THE CLASS. *sigh* these things happen, i suppose, and i'll just have to deal with it.

tomorrow geoff and i are gonna hang out! and do something FUN. F.U.N. yep. if i can get some money from mom, we might go see Supersize Me. then again we might just hang out, like the good old days. you know. you know. you know.
and then friday i have to clean my bedroom, bathroom and office
and saturday the fourth of july jubilation begins
and then SUNDAY IS THE PARADE AND PICNIC AND FIREWORKS YAY

its weird how much i love this holiday, even tho i'm not even that patriotic. i'd say i like america a decent ammount. the whole free speech idea- thats a good one. and democracy would work nicely if people werent so damned stupid. but honestly i think socialism works a lot better than the system we work now, and i'm pist that we arent socialists. but whatever, i guess america is a lot better than north korea, and libya, and chad. you know? i just like the celebrations of the fourth of the july the best. i think its the holday that involves the most... community stuff. i guess. it seems like most other holidays we celebrate by sticking to ourselves, in our own houses. even on halloween, we just go around to other houses and talk to other people for like a minute. but on the 4th, EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE DAMNED TOWN goes to the parade and the fireworks, and everybody shares food and seats and shade and stuff. its really a good time. i think.

yes.

how the hell'd we get here?

i really like my friends. i hope travis comes home soon! i have several important things to tell him, regarding concerts and the suchlike, and also he and ryan and i are gonna salem it up, and go get indian food and hit up the mall food court and ranch records. do you know how it goes? i certainly do.

shut out what they say
x 19:12

28.6.04

SoYouCanDance: make up your mind before the world ends

shut out what they say
x 23:00

berzerker

if you slip as you walk
i will catch you
all our reasons for going to war
disprove them all
X them out on your calendar
abbreviate them into clever acronyms and eat them at the breakfast table
we all are responsible
for this all-consuming lust that
overpowers all of us
and drives like a hammer to the back of the brain
a steel toed ballet slipper
the feeling right before you yawn
we NEED someone to catch us
and if it isnt that, what is it? this divine experience
this tedious and tender road on which we walk
parks and skylines
pink hair ribbons
battleships and oil drips
caught like a burglar into our dreams
ink well sight smell
EVERYTHING like a grandcompositeCOMPOST
just delete it from your harddrive
if you want my advice, you will start by a simple process of elimination
i'm not this chair i'm not this carpet
(this is the easiest and most rudimentary layer of buddhist meditation)
(not that that matters)
i am not this body i am not this mind i am not the sights these eyes can see
i am not a slave but i am not free
what the FUCK man
(so pause to consider here:
i said at the beginning that i would catch you if you fell
and now you've probably fallen off the path of logic so well-worn
so i've caught you
and now we can continue)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I TOLD YOU THAT
every human was originall a sunflower seed
dormant in the earth
crowned with mulch and sweet-smelling grass
a fetus in a much much much much much greater being
WHY, do you think that is the sort of thing you are likely to say?
why arent you questioning me?
all of this static is intervention and interferance in the grand sit-com of our dreams
its bad reception, thats what it is
twist the antenna
get the tin foil from the kitchen
or else get cable cuz i'll be damned if i cant watch CSI tonite in my brain
corina cuban cigars are imported from cuba
in hopes that their boxes will one day be used to store calligraphy pens
just as this box does
i feel happy that i was able to enable their dreams


"my friends,
love is an artfrom
slightly removed
from its element
one may ask
well what does this mean?
i respond
i've made it up
but it shall be
from now on" - saul williams

(congratulations)

shut out what they say
x 22:43

my friend goo

current mood: gooooooooood!
current music: friendship station- le tigre

i just bought my ticket to see Le Tigre and Sonic Youth at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland on July 15th! w00t! *so happy*

and mom is going to call my uncle mike and see if he's going to see weird al, and then i shall buy my ticket to see weird al at the keller auditorium on july 27th!

and then i shall babysit for a little bit, and earn like $30 and try to convince mom to take me up to seattle to see the damned PIXIES on september 2nd.

and then i shall ask kelley for the details about the copeland show, which will be happening in portland here pretty soon, at the... nocturnal?

and then i shall buy bright eyes tickets for october 16th at the roseland THE VERY SECOND THEY GO ON SALE

and then i shall further prowl www.pitchforkmedia.com and www.tinymixtapes.com for further bulletins on lollapalooza-replacement tours, most specifically THE FLAMING LIPS *crosses fingers*

and i shall be sad, because steve burns is playing this week but its a 21+ show. damn him. he was a KIDS entertainer, right? actually i guess that makes sense for a former kids entertainer, he doesnt want dumb parents bringing their kids to his shows and being like, "look, the sweaty guy with the crewcut saying naughty words is STEEEEVE!"

give me attention every day and every night! whoo hoo!

and we could suck... they might improve!

shut out what they say
x 15:31

27.6.04

the hot weather made her feel right at home

current mood: weird. as. fuck.
current music: colour in your cheeks- the mountain goats

http://www.witchvox.com/vn/vn_detail/dt_pa.html?a=usva&id=208434

i had wayyyyyyyy too much caffeine today, i cant stop laughing. i feel really reallllllllly high. *momentary pause* i miss tony. *continues*

today i went up to portland: with mom and grandma
and i listened to The Best of the Smiths volume II obsessivly
and then
we dropped gramma off, i got a grande mocha and a strawberry creme cheese crossaint in the airport deli and we went out to the garage, searched for the keys for 45 minutes until mom found them IN HER PURSE
and then
we went to powells
i bought Said The Shotgun To The Head by Saul Williams
(best book i've read in a long time)
and i looked for some daniel clowes BUT it wasnt there


and then i went to buffalo exchange and dug through funky shit
and then we went to whole foods and got an apple and sour cream vegan coffeecake OMG OMG

and then we went to city liquidators and dinked around there
and then we went and saw coffee and cigarettes

i liked it
a lot
tesla! he perceived the earth as a resonation chamber for acoustic vibration

or whatever

:) that is all!

(if somebody is in contact with tony, tell him to read Said the Shotgun To The Head by Saul Williams) (like now)

(if someone is in contact with me, tell me you love me)

shut out what they say
x 23:18

www.achewood.com

shut out what they say
x 00:34

SHIT IN A BLOG

current mood: happy
current music: truckers atlas- modest mouse

cryptorchyld14: bright eyes, roseland theatre, 10 / 16
music junkie 119: SHIT
music junkie 119: shit shit shit!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT INDEED
cryptorchyld14: *flips*
music junkie 119: AHH
music junkie 119: hold my hand!
cryptorchyld14: *holds your hand*
cryptorchyld14: *takes your pulse*
cryptorchyld14: SHIT
music junkie 119: SHIT SHIT SHIT
music junkie 119: FUCKING SHIT AND A HALF
music junkie 119: SHIT A BRICK
music junkie 119: SHIT IN THE POT!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT IN THE PARK!
music junkie 119: SHIT ON THE SUBWAY!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT ON A BOAT!
music junkie 119: SHIT ON A PLANE!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT IN THE OVAL OFFICE!
music junkie 119: SHIT ON BUSH!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT IN A TANK!
music junkie 119: SHIT IN A FLOWER!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT ALA MODE!
music junkie 119: SHIT ON THE SIDE!
cryptorchyld14: SHIT WITH LARGE FRIES AND A COKE!
music junkie 119: MAKE THAT A DIET COKE, SHIT HEAD!
cryptorchyld14: DIET SHIT!
cryptorchyld14: ATKINS SHIT! L0-CARB SHIT!
cryptorchyld14: *pants*
cryptorchyld14: whoa. ok. bright eyes. i wonder when tickets go on sale?

shut out what they say
x 00:34

26.6.04

i dont believe its out

current mood: ... PMS-y is not a mood, but i cant think of anything else, so thats what it is, OKAY?!?!
current music: transport is arranged- pavement

today has been a kind of a stupid day. i went into town at like noon to pick up my pictures at walmart, and on the way mom and i went to like 80 garage sales, and one of them had huge bins of cds (i love it when that happens) so i got the waynes world soundtrack on cd (i have it on tape already) and also odelay! by beck, and the best of the smiths 2. awesome stuff.

but then i went to walmart and got my film... the black and white film had NOTHING ON IT... nothing! insane! ... like, it was blank film and somehow had gotten aranged. and the second role had gotten damaged so i only got like 4 pictures, all of which are insanely sucking-y. i cant figure it out.

so then we looked at fireworks, and i was non-plussed. i seem to care more about Naploean Dynamite coming out on the 1st than i do about the fireworks on the 4th. sigh. oh well, it'll be fun when we do it, i always end up having a great time cuz somebody always brings mortars and we always eat strange food and stay up late and get cold in the back of trucks. you know the drill. sigh.

i had spaghetti for lunch, and i freakin dont like spaghetti at all. its hard to eat and it hurts my throat and it makes my mouth taste like 17 asses.

i need to go to the library. i've got nothing to read. in the bathtub, i usually read, and i've run out of novels so i've resorted to the kid's books on the shelves. i've read all of A.A.Milne's poetry, (i liked Now We Are Six best) plus The Book of Dragons by E. Nesbit (i liked The Deliverer's Of Their Country the best)... and that is that. so yes, i need mum to take me into the salem library so i can raid the new young adult books and new graphic novels shelves. always a good time.

tomorrow i am going up to portland with my mother to drop my grandmother off at the airport. i would take someone with me but there are two disadvantages:
1) they would have to hang out with MY GRANDMOTHER who is loopy
and 2) theres no real reason
i would go to music millenium but i have no money. but i have ascertained that there are five movies playing in portland that i want to see:
1) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2) Coffee and Ciggarettes
3) Saved
4) Stupidity
5) Supersize Me
so i think i'll see either 1 or 2 tomorrow, and see 5 with geoff on monday or tuesday or something, and 3 i will wait for it to come out on video, which it will cuz it has M. Culkin in it, and 4 i'll just miss, and hope that geoff will be nice and use his magical DSL to download it or something, since i doubt it will be at blockbuster. eh?

anyway, in related movie news... fahrenheit 9/11 was good, but uh... i dont know. there are one or two things about it that bother me. one of them is that it was so fsucking sad. i dont disgaree with that, and i mean, i totally SHOULD have been expecting that from a film about the war, but it was so graphic, and they had all this horrible footage of burned bodies of iraqi soldiers being beaten and dragged through the streets and hung from bridges, all burned and horrible and mutilated. ergh. but yah... it also really made me feel kinda worthless/hopeless. i feel that a cartoon from my close personal friend leslie explains it best:

http://www.evilspacerobot.com/100110/leslie/2004/0604/062504.gif

yah... thats it exactly. once again, les is awesome. go check out his daily comic at www.evilspacerobot.com/index.htm and while you're starting on new comics, you should check out http://www.colintheriot.com/patheticinc/ which is made from images found on a google image search (best concept comic- EVAR) and www.elfonlyinn.net which i used to read obsessivly but forgot about, and am glad i found again. wheee.

SPEAKING OF COMICS!!!!!!!
is anyone as fucking stoked for spiderman II as i am? i'll admit to being a spiderman nerd, yes. the first one was awesome. and the second one was DOCTOR OCTOPUS IN IT. how fucking sweet is it possible to be? FUCKING DOCTOR OCTOPUS!!! if you do not go see this movie, i hate you and i hope your children choke on penises and die. good god. doctor octopus. the greatest villain EVAR.
"he just had those... those EYES, you know? i... i cant do it"- mystery men

"simply put, i want to grow old. dying does not meet my expectations."- pavement

geoff is sad.
i am ok, really.
i am!

hehe... yes. world beat is open in salem and also the 4th of july is soon and that makes me smile a big smile. i love blowing things up. i really do.

Blind date with the chancer
We had oysters and dry lancers
When the check arrived we went dutch, dutch, dutch, dutch
A redder shade of neck on a whiter shade of trash
And this emory board is giving me a rash
I'm flat out
You're so beautiful to look at when you cry
Freeze, don't move
You've been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation
Of the sequel to your life.

A shady lane -- everybody wants one
A shady lane -- everybody needs one
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
Oh my god, oh your god, oh his god, over god
It's everybody's god, it's everybody's god, it's everybody's god, it's
Everybody's god
The worlds collide, but all that we want is a shady lane

Glance, don't stare
Soon you're being told to recognize your heirs
No, not me -- I'm an island of such great complexity
Stress surrounds in the muddy peaceful center of this town
Tell me off in the hotel lobby right in front of all the bellboys and the
Over-friendly concierge

A shady lane -- everybody wants one
A shady lane -- everybody needs one
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
Oh my god, oh your god, oh his god, oh her god
It's everybody's god, it's everybody's god, it's everybody's god, it's
Everybody's god
The worlds collide, but all that I want is a shady lane.

shut out what they say
x 18:35

its from the drinks we drank last night

current mood: sleepy... happy in the dark
current music: the drinks we drank lazt night- azure ray

Riding on these waves,
holding on to what you say,
"Everything will be okay,
it will work out one way."
But I've drifted way too far,
my arms, my legs, have grown too tired.
And could you be inspired?
No, I'm just tired.
And on a swing you push me hard,
so I'll come back to where you are.
And you know I'm never far.
No decisions, nothing hard.
And I knew that it would rain tonight,
I'll take the bus or the next flight.
I won't give up on what feels right.
If you see these tears filling my eyes,
it's just the wind that makes me cry.
If you could feel this pain inside,
it's from the drinks we drank last night.
It's from the drinks we drank last night.
And the shadow of our past,
projects on clouds of dust and gas.
Wounds where my eyes will rest,
the silhouette of when we met.
If you see these tears filling my eyes,
it's just the wind that makes me cry.
If you could feel this pain inside,
it's from the drinks we drank last night.
It's from the drinks we drank last night.


everything in my life feels dirty now. its kind of a strange feeling inside. the car is cluttered up with boxes and bottles and papers, the floor and desk and covered in glasses and bags and papers, the bathroom floor is covered in moldering laundry and the counter is too filthy to touch
i feel like i should clean
but i've been busy and in kind of a daze
and my parents dont seem to have noticed
so i think i'll let the bathroom go until the fruit flies come back and dad yells at me.

everything feels unfinished and i'm not sure how to get back to where i left off. i'm signed up for two classes, one of which apparently teaches nothing. i was doing viki0 until the scanner didnt work one day and i just didnt pick up my camera again. my film is in the store and i forget to pick it up. i have photoshop but i havent learned how to use it. i'm not sure how much of the summer is gone.

i feel like its been more and less every day.

i know i dont make any sense.

i know i'm hard to handle and selfish and sad

i know i'm not much good to anyone now

i know i'm not making any difference

i know that azure ray is the most amazing thing i've ever heard, goddammit. i know that ryan is the sweetest little person in the world. i know that geoff is wonderful for taking such good care of me and letting me rely on him completely, and not being too too sad. i know that heathers mom is not too nice but she means well. i know that mission mill museum is a cool place, and the best place is back by the crown gears behind the buildings, underground, where the water splashed past the drop and over the falls and into the little gears room that smells like grease and is let up yellow and the turbine churns and the air is wet and cool. i know that a lavendar princess dress is hard to find an occasion to wear in the summer. i know that converse are the most massivly useful and brilliant shoes in the world. i know that rachel is in washington dc, katie is somewhere on the east coast i think, travis is in arizona, brandt is at brandts house and geoff is at geoffs. i know that i am here. i know that i feel kind of ok. my eyesight is lagging behind the movement of my eyes.

i like to feel that someone appreciates what i'm doing but MORE THAN THAT i like to feel that i appreciate what someone else is doing.

hey, goodnight, everybody. i'll talk to each and every one of you soon, and i love you all so very much. my dad is home tonite, tomorrow i shall sleep, see ruby, maybe remember to pick up my film, maybe brush my teeth. loose string in my mouth augh stitches. i love you far too much for words. you know that?

we love to live, we live to die. just accept and dont ask why. my lips- they form a perfect smile.



when can you come back home? you already know. you dont ask cuz you already know.

shut out what they say
x 00:27

25.6.04

too retarded to actually update much

current mood: shhh
current music: nothing

1) saw fahrenheit 9/11. i feel powerless.
2) going to volunteer at mission mill. be a living history player.
3) going to hang out with ryan. walk around dallas.

me: are you aware that scott mccloud is both the name of a comics guy who likes QC, and ALSO THE NAME OF THAT PRINCIPAL GUY?!?!?!
me: OMG what if theyre the same person?!?!?!
me: OMG OMG OMG?!?!?!1111 WTF?
geoff: OMG OMG OMG
geoff: i mean WTF? i can no pic mr mcleod luvin QC!!111
me: neitr can i taht wud be so crAzi!!1
me: hes lyke no kewl @ all!1
geoff: 2 crAzi!11
geoff: omg, i g2g call my bf & tell him abot tihs.
geoff: this!!11
geoff: damn, you're really good at that. i have to stop and think for a while.
geoff: hah.
geoff: omg my leg hurtz sooo bad!!1 i need sum drugz!
geoff: im gonna get sooo fuked up!
me: do u smok w33d? lol me 2 last nite i wuz soooo fuked ^up!!! lol!1
geoff: lol
me: i wuz lyke seeeing guys w/ nives in teh bushses
me: cuz i wuz halluluiicinating
geoff: omg tahts soo scary!1
me: *huculinating
me: *luhucintating
me: d4mmit! lol i cnat speel!
geoff: me thinks u had it rite 2nd time.
me: lol ok thanx
geoff: no prob!!
geoff: lol
me: omg ur sooo smart
me: how did u now how 2 speel taht?
geoff: i needa buyz a 20 sac. but taylor iz in hose arest, so no drugz 4 me!
me: omg noooo way
me: taylr is sooo gay
geoff: ya! he got cot wit almost $ 400 of w33d!
me: fuckng fagg stoopid getting cot!
me: he shudda ben STELTH lyke me
geoff: lol
me: n all hid in teh bushses n shit lol
geoff: wit nives!
geoff: im sooo funy!
me: omg no thoes were teh bushses acrost teh street
me: i dun hid in teh 1s w/ teh niveS!!!!!!!111
me: lol scAryz hahaha
geoff: ya
me: HELLO1?!? R U HERE?!?
geoff: u kno who i hav a crush on?
me: u havent said nething in a wile
me: NO OMG TELL ME
me: WOH?
me: *WHO
geoff: no i dont wanna
me: no plz tlel me!
geoff: u!
me: k
geoff: omg
me: OMG RILLY?!?!
geoff: ya!!1
me: OMG!!!1
me: hay did i tlel u im bi? im kewl and hott
me: i lyke eat psussy now! 1 lol
geoff: ohh taht is soo kul!1
geoff: lol
me: soo lyke guyz r alwys sayin dumb shitt lyke "omg do u do 3somes" and i jsut sa FUCK YO MAMA
me: cuz tehn they thikn im hott and kewl
geoff: u r hott n kewl!!1
me: omg rilly?!?!
geoff: ya
geoff: i rilly lyke u
me: omg ya?
geoff: do u wanna go otu
geoff: ???
me: omg no i lyke cnat cuz i,m giong out w/ taylr
geoff: :'(
me: but uh lyke ill og out w/ u 2!!1
me: lol!
geoff: rilly?:-)
me: ya omg but lyje dun tell him
geoff: i wont :-X
me: ok lol so u wanna have sxe?
geoff: ya
me: w/ me i mean!!1 lol
geoff: yayaya!!1 lolz
me: hahaha kthx
geoff: u cyber
geoff: ???
me: omg ya but i cnat now
me: im cybreing w/ talyr! lol!11 omg
geoff: o
me: i'll c + p 4 u if u want tho lol!!
me: haha1
geoff: mayk us all in a chat rum!11 we cna al cyber!1 lol
me: i dun no hwo
me: i dun no copmutres
me: *cocmpurets
geoff: comptuers
me: *comptuers
me: omg thanx
me: u r so smart. how did u no how 2 speel that rite?
geoff: cuz i smrt!
me: omg
me: i no that
me: fag
geoff: sory
me: u todl me on thrusday rememember?
geoff: ya
me: we wrere drukn in teh park?
me: ya
geoff: i thikn i rememeber
geoff: lolz
me: ya
me: haha
geoff: i wuz sooo watsted!11
geoff: i hda liek 6 shotz!!
geoff: iznt taht impresieve
me: in a RWO?
geoff: ???
geoff: ya
geoff: sex in a rwo
geoff: omg omg sex!!1
me: omg u sed sex
geoff: ya i liek sex!1
me: U HVAE HAD SEX?!?!11
geoff: ya
geoff: all teh tiem
me: i hvae had sxe only lyke 9 times b4 so i dun rilly no if i lyke it or not yet
geoff: u dont no if ur striaht or no
geoff: ???
me: wut?
me: omg i am conffuzed!
geoff: u dont no if ur straihgt or no?
geoff: gay or no?
geoff: u dunno if ur gay or not???
me: ... wut?
me: no i dun think u r gay
me: u r 2 hot 2 b gay, rite? lol!!!
geoff: lol!!! rite!11
me: haha
geoff: r u dun cybernig w/ tylor?/
me: omg lyke 4 hours ago!!!
geoff: rilly? he does no lsat taht long???
geoff: lol
me: brb omg
geoff: k
(me) signed off

shut out what they say
x 23:43

22.6.04

well fuck
i want to update, i really do
i've been busy
and lazy
yes?

so i went to the beach with some smaller cousins and that was a blast, and then i came home and i went to a birthday party, and then geoff and i had a "talk" and we're kinda taking a "break" for a while cuz i was freakin out. i dont know. and lollapalooza got cancelled.

i feel like i should have more to say.
today rosie and i hung out for like 6 hours. we got some indian food. it was awesome. uh, seveal times a day, every day, i'll think, "oh i had better talk about that in my journal" you know... but then i wont remember.

i was going by the coffeehouse, i remember, when this happened last
and had been thinking about converse sneakers...


nope. i got nothing.
anyway tomorrow i'm going to the doctor so he can look at my stitches, and then i'm gonna go hang out with ruby.
and then... i'll.... have a party.
geoff is on prozac
geoff buys me drugs and it makes me happy


your ass.

shut out what they say
x 22:12

19.6.04

i know the pieces fit cuz i watched them fall away

current mood: ok!!!
current music: nothing really


you know what would be weird? if everybody who died and still had maggots in their body were zombies. and everybody who died, and rested in peace... they'd turn into GHOSTS! that would rock. (sam, 8)

today is sams 8th birthday party!


tuuuuuuurd. hehe.
i know i said i would update and talk about my trip to the beach and everything but i still dont feel like it. sam and astrid are sitting here with me. we're talking to dylan.

can i talk to your friend?

shut out what they say
x 14:28

we get high in back seats of cars

current mood: ok
current music: the way we get by- spoon

Elizabeth: hi top or lo top?
trav: low top
Elizabeth: motherfucker
trav: *...* *cries*
trav: whoa shit! i made a face!
trav: *......* hee hee
Elizabeth: ... d00d.
Elizabeth: ^_^
Elizabeth: ;_; crying face! see... its an eye with a tear under it?
trav: hee hee
trav: ._. bored... or something and... &_& anxious. cause the eyes are darting all over the place
Elizabeth: can i smell yer gasoline?
Elizabeth: X_x bored... or dead
trav: heh, yes
trav: $_$ money !
trav: +_+ perplexed. orrr... stunned! yeah that ones stunned
Elizabeth: 0_0 shocked
Elizabeth: i_i looking up !_! looking down
trav: @_O black eye
Elizabeth: hehe thats a good one
Elizabeth: ~_~ i like boys!
trav: -_- zzzzzz snoring asleep. hee hee
trav: dude, one of us needs to put this in one of our journals


(DOUBLE ACTION!!!!! OMG LOL)

tay.
i promise i'll update more tomorrow. i'll be online paying for my college classes anyway, so i'll do it then, either before i leave for grandpas or at grandpas. yes? ok? everyone ok with that?


you bought a new bag of pot so lets make a new start and thats the way to my heart way to my heart the way to my heart, yah thats the way we get by

shut out what they say
x 00:26

17.6.04

plea from a cat named virtue

current mood: happy
current music: plea from a cat named virtue - the weakerthans (reconstruction site)

i got a new swimming suit
and i'm leaving for the beach as soon as i'm done packing!

shut out what they say
x 13:22

precious

current mood: my teeth hurt
current music: nothing (just got up)

*sneaks
to
beach*

LALALALALA. bye now.

shut out what they say
x 09:14

15.6.04

there will be teeth in the grass

current mood: worried... but not bad
current music: my custom "teeth" playsist! (read: i typed 'teeth' into winamp and i'm listening to everything that comes up, which is Teeth In The Grass by Iron and Wine, White Lies Yellow Teeth by Modest Mouse, Teeth Like God's Soeshine by Modest Mouse, The Teeth Collector by Pretty Girls Make Graves, and the entire album Sharpen Your Teeth by Ugly Casanvova)

so in like 4 hours i'll be put under the sleepyness and i'll get my wisdom teeth yanked! they said to dress comfortably or wear pajamas, so i'm wearing my orange cords, a black hoodie, and my fluffy pink slippers! and i'm considering bringing Papa Roach, just... because. Yes, because. I had to take off my pretty sparkly nail polish, too, so they could do oxygen checks when I'm out. Daaaah. But i'll re-do it when I wake up, no need to worry.

Yesterday I went over to geoff's and we had fun! we didnt really know what to do at first, because geoff hurt his ankle skating *kisses geoff's ankle* but it was ok because we rented zoolander and waynes world 2 and then went and got cheapy french fries at acrctic circle. hell of a thing. and then we just layed on his bed for like, forever. mmm hmmm.

so on thursday, if i'm feeling better, i think i'm gonna go over to the beach. not even our beach house, mind you, but my aunt and uncle are renting someplace. OR RATHER. my uncle is, and he's taking all 3 kids (Ruby, 11, Astrid, 7, and Jasper, 4!) and his wife isnt going and he needs someone to watch the damn kids while he plays a gig at the casino (he's a musician)... so i think i might have to volunteer for that position. get payed to hang out with the coolest kids of all time, at the beach? sign me up!

i dont think that fact that it is summer will really sink in until i get to go to the beach and i dont have to worry about homework.

i'm really scared of the IV. i'm terrified of needles and they have to stick a damned IV in my arm when i go into surgery. thats the part that worries me most, actually. that, or the worry that i'll do something gross in my sleep, like pick my nose or fart, and then all the surgeons will laugh and make stupid jokes about it when i wake up, and i wont understand cuz i'll be disoriented and not know what theyre talking about. ok, so maybe i'm kidding on that last one. that doesnt sound too awful. but still!

erghghhhhh needles!

hey i have to go, but i'll be back online... uh... whenever i wake up. could be a couple days, actually. wow, thats weird.

travis is sad, so everybody make him feel better while i'm gone. ok?
geoff isnt sad yet but he will be if i'm out for a few days, so everybody make him feel better, too.
and uh...
enjoy yer summer break!

shut out what they say
x 08:46

14.6.04

post from last nite

current mood: tired (i got 12 hours of sleep, ergh)
current music: nothing, strangely

so i typed this up last night in hopes of my connection miraculously working again but it did not.

Dammit I hate my internet connection. Here's what I meant to say before I got disconnected for a fucking hour. Yes?
ryan
geoff
trav
katie
kelley
carlei
brandt

shut out what they say
x 12:47

13.6.04

i dreampt of a fever, one that could cure me of this cold winter-set heart,
with heat to melt these frozen tears, burned with reasons as to carry on
into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow
but i swear that i would follow anything, just get me out of here
you get 6 months to adapt, and you get 2 more to leave town
and in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around
but i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but i know that thats impossible now
and so i drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories
cuz i just cant think anymore about that, or about her tonite
and i give myself 3 days to feel better, or else i swear i'll drive right off a fucking cliff
cuz if i cant learn to make myself feel better, how can i expect anyone else to give a shit?
and i scream for the sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere,
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
and i swear that i'm dying, slowly but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there
lie to me and say 'its gonna be alright'



blargh
we worry about geoff
and love him
and we count down the days to getting my wisdom teeth pulled
1
2 (tuesday that is)

shut out what they say
x 23:58

12.6.04

eat a cup!

shut out what they say
x 21:37

secret

shut out what they say
x 21:31

long nights hard times everything that makes you feel tired

current mood: bleh.
current music: long nights- piebald

Long nights, hard times, Everything that makes you feel tired,
I think I've gotta get away from you.
Long nights, hard times, Everything that makes you feel tired,
That's why I got to get away from you.
I've got something to say. You might not like how it sounds.
I don't care, I've got to get out of here.
You look like (or you're disguised),
you're just a monkey in a monkey suit.
Now you know how I feel.
Its just time, or it's the wrong time.
You can't deal with me. I can't deal with you.
And now it's justified for both of us.
Just one more thing. Can you tell me something that I haven't heard?
I want to hear how it sounds.
What was that, that you said? You can't think of anything?
Well, think harder.
Tell me a secret or two. Speak up dear, my hearing's not so good.
I shouldn't call you dear. That's a good one.
The best and worst secret you've ever yelled at me.
I've been around long enough.
Life is what happens while we're making plans.
I can't write another life. Our age of miracles is past.
Long nights, hard times, everything that makes you feel tired.
I think I've gotta get away from you.


just watched UHF with my mom
..............

shut out what they say
x 18:34

lets do this like a prison break
i wanna see you squeal and shake
uh huh
uh huh
uh huh
uh huh uh huh uh huh oh! uh huh uh huh uh huh oh!
boy you just a stupid bitch and girl yer just a no-good dick!

shut out what they say
x 14:55

another thing i forgot to mention
i feel really good about graduating early
i talked to brian about it, and how i dont really have much of a plan for after hi sk00l yet, and patrick, too, who just graduated, and they both said that thats an excellent idea.
over dinner:
"dont let anyone tell you that you need to know what you're going to do after hi sk00l. i didnt know, and look at me! *grin*"- brian
"yah, i know i'm going to go to college, but i don't know when, or how, or why. or what to do afterwards. but,.... you know" - patrick
so i think i kinda feel better bout that. and here is what my mom has to say about it, in an email to one of her freinds:
(a few days back)
"Today is Elizabeth's last day at school. She is working on graduating next year, a year early. She is taking 6 hrs at Chemeketa online this summer. If she can do this, she gets a hybrid degree, not a regular diploma. She thinks she would like to get a job and maybe travel a bit before going to college. Sounds good, though what kind of job I cannot guess."



me=bad.

shut out what they say
x 13:33

putting all the vegetables away

current mood: gooood!
current music: suddenly everything has changed- the flaming lips

driving home, the sky accelerates
and the clouds are forming geometric shapes
and it goes fast, think of the past
so suddenly, everything has changed

oh MY lord!
so i thought yesterday was going to be boring
little did i know! (little did i know)
THAT!!!!!
brian mosher would call and ask me to go with him, patrick o'driscal (how do you spell that boys name?) and travis up to a piebald show!
(before:
went to the humane society, picked out my kitten, he's grey and white and fuzzy and he has a really long tail and the cutest face in the world... but i dont get him until the landlord calls them and tells them its ok
and went to guitar bla bla bla)


DRIVING HOME THE SKY ACCELERATES
AND THE CLOUDS ALL FORM A GEOMETRIC SHAPE

anyway...
so i got dropped off at trav's and he didnt end up being able to come with, so we stayed at his hoose and played with the cat and the piano for a bit, and then left.
yes, left without travis *sob* i was majorly sad that he didnt get to come. i guess thats KARMA for phantom planet tho! (only joking)
so we drove up there, listening to fucking insane music. brian said all the kids who dress like indie hipsters in france actually listen to this weird fusion jazz stuff, that we listened to some of.

and uh we went to millenium, but not the new one, the old one
and the show for a bit- the opening acts were teh sux
so brian and patrick and i walked around for a while, like, around the block and over to plaid pantry to get cookies
and then we went back in and watched The Jealous Sound who were pretty good, i'd say. that guy- he's bald. fucking balder than bald!
and then PIEBALD played and i <3 them so.
definatly the best show i've ever been to. it was the only show i've been to where, by the end, i DIDNT want it to be over. my feet and back hurt, yes, but not enough for me to want them to hurry up and be done. i wanted MORE piebald. yes! they rocked hard.
they were also really really funny. like:
drunk guy in audience, during tuning: "eat a cock!"
piebald dude: "eat a CUP? did you say eat a CUP?"
other piebald dude: "is that the best you can do? no, YOU eat a cup!"
*pause*
piebald dude: "i know you didnt really say eat a cup, but thats what i heard, and i have the microphone so I WIN. "
and you know, just other stuff like that. some other drunk guys were jumping up on stage to sing along at points, and they really didnt mind, they just rocked with it. and i really loved all their songs- like they did ones about their old van that they toured in, and ice cream, and just... uh. it was great. i wish i had had the money for a piebald shirt but NO i am poor. very poor.
so then we went out and got some food
we went to this amazing restraunt, montage. i dont know if you've ever been there? awww frick i'm lazy, i'll just copy and paste.

cryptorchyld14: have you ever been to Montage?
music junkie 119: I haven't
cryptorchyld14: oh lord
cryptorchyld14: its this awesome restraunt way the hell over on the east side
cryptorchyld14: fuckin a
music junkie 119: haha
cryptorchyld14: so its really big and at first glance, it looks like kind of a pretenious "hip spot" for yuppies, but its really fucking cool. they have these weird paintings on the walls, and toys and skeletons and just random crap on all the shelves, and all the waiters and waitresses have tattoos. so there are these huge long tables, so they seat you at a table with a bunch of people you dont know, and then uh the waiters run around refilling water glasses and spilling water, and yelling to each other about food orders. and their apparents specialty is mac and cheese, suc they have like 6 varieties, and me and brian and patrick all had different kinds, and then when yer done if you dont eat all yer food they INSIST on wrapping it up in the shape of a tinfoil animal for you. its great cuz all these yuppie kids and punk kids all have to sit at the same table and they all are holding tin foil squirrels and shit. brian got a squirrel, i got a sea turtle, patrick got a mouse.
cryptorchyld14: it ruled.
cryptorchyld14: and it only cost like $5 to eat there, for this massive ammount of awesome gourmet mac and cheese with alfredo and stuff, and tons of bread. it RULED.
music junkie 119: and I want to go to that place!
music junkie 119: I want a tin foil turtle!
cryptorchyld14: and we hit a kitty on the way back to salem :'( but it was ok, i guess... we were going like 70 so we knew it was dead, and brian was driving so we talked about it for a while and he felt better
music junkie 119: I'll bet
cryptorchyld14: it would have been a lot worse if we werent sure it was dead, and we had to go back and look
cryptorchyld14: and it totally wasnt his fault, the cat just ran out under his wheels.
music junkie 119: that's so sad!
music junkie 119: so you KILLED a KITTY?
cryptorchyld14: we didnt mean to.
music junkie 119: awww
cryptorchyld14: and we felt bad but i guess it wasnt as bad as it could have been, so we feel better now.
cryptorchyld14: it was out on the fucking freeway at 3 in the morning, tho! i mean what the hell kind of cat is running across a freeway at 3 in the morning? i'm tempted to believe it was a stray, and not some little kid's darling pet.
music junkie 119: I hope it was a stray
cryptorchyld14: yah...
cryptorchyld14: and i'm rescuing a kitten from the humane society so i figure my karma is ok.
music junkie 119: I sure hope so!
cryptorchyld14: uh huh
cryptorchyld14: but that was the only bummer of the night. i really had an absolutely fantastic time.
music junkie 119: that's awesome
cryptorchyld14: yah dude
cryptorchyld14: you should probably listen to Suddenly Everything Has Changed by the flaming lips





uh huh!
geoff went to aumsville so i didnt get to call him last night. i was kind of sad... i'm not used to going to sleep without talking to him. oh well. it was alright and i think i am alive.

uh i didnt get to hang out with geoff yet this summer. i PROMISE i will get to later on. i just... i'm busy . grargrrrr.

i'm sposed to be at a funeral RIGHT now. but... nope. i decided not to go. i dont want to be there. fuck that. i'm in a good mood. fucking funerals suck my ass. dead people think so, too. they TELLLL me soooooo! ergh i'm dumb.

shut out what they say
x 13:18

9.6.04

will you love me if i'm a mess?

current mood: i have to peeeeee
current music: nothin

i am an indie snob!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You're just too cool for school, aren't you? You're pretty narrow minded
and opinionated with regards to music (and probably most other things
as well). But you're allowed to be, because you really are better
than everyone else. You take pride in obscurity.
You probably prefer vinyl too, you elitist bitch.



schools out bitch
my grades... blech

shut out what they say
x 22:40

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and
easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes
not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves
making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to
learn to show emotions


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

shut out what they say
x 15:27

7.6.04

"boy, when we get done with ya, you wont even know the difference between your butthole and your butthole!"- kasey, at lunch

shut out what they say
x 22:36

Measure me in metered lines and one decisive stare.
The time it takes to get from here to there.
My ribs that show through t-shirts,
And these shoes I got for free.
I'm unconsoled, I'm lonely,
I am so much better than I used to be.
Terrified of telephones,
And shopping malls, and knives,
Drowning in the pools of other lives.
Rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony.
Get clobbered on by courtesy.
In love with love, and lousy poetry.
And I'm leaning on this broken fence,
Between past and present tense,
And I'm losing all those stupid games,
That I swore I'd never play.
But it almost feels okay.
Circumnavigate this body,
Of wonder and uncertainty.
Armed with every precious failure,
And amature cartography.
I'm breathing deep before,
I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor.
And I'm leaning on this broken fence,
Between past and present tense,
And I'm losing all those stupid games,
That I swore I'd never play.
But it feels okay.
And I'm leaving with goodbye,
And I'm losing, but I'll try,
With the last ways left,
To remember sing,
My imperfect offering.


so much drama today
i cant even begin to explain
suffice to say that everyone loves everyone else

... and i think i might be losing my mind.

shut out what they say
x 22:06

theres a dream in my brain that just wont go away

current mood: happy
current music: passing afternoon- iron and wine

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	11
your best quality is	people envy you
your worst quality is	youre a litle vain (who isnt)
this is because	youre true to yourself
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

i am not these clothes, i am not these shoes, this wall to my back, i am not those birds, i am not that tree, i am not this high school, i'm only me.

today i want to the library with brandt and travis, and rosie was there, and then tait came. it was rockin good times.

fuck, i had a lot to say but i really cant remember any of it right now. i'll talk more later. i think i might get a hair cut!

shut out what they say
x 16:46

5.6.04

boy you just a stupid bitch and girl you just a no-good dick

current mood: nekkid!
current music: i dunno. something. i'm confused.

Jesus the Mexican boy
born in a truck on the fourth of July
gave me a card with a lady naked on the back
Barefoot at night on the road
Fireworks blooming above in the sky
I never knew I was given the best one from the deck
He never wanted nothing I remember
Maybe a broken bottle if I had two
Hanging behind his holy even temper
Hiding the more unholy things I do
Jesus the Mexican boy
Gave me a ride on the back of his bike
Out to the fair though I welched on a $5 bet
Drunk on Calliope's songs
We met a home-wrecking carnival girl
He's never asked for a favor or the money yet
Jesus the Mexican boy
Born in a truck on the 4th of July
I fell in love with his sister unrepentantly
Fearing he wouldn't approve
We made a lie that was feeble at best
Boarded a train bound for Vegas and married secretly
I never him nothing I remember
Maybe a broken bottle if I had two
Hanging behind his holy even temper
Hiding the more unholy things I do
Jesus the Mexican boy
Wearing a long desert trip on his tie
Lo and behold he was standing under the welcome sign
Naked, the Judas in me
Fell by the tracks but he lifted me high
Kissing my head like a brother and never asking why

i forgot to mention... yesterday i saw harry potter 3 instead of going to hi sk00l. its ok tho cuz... mm. i liked it a lot. everybody else doesnt like the new director but i thought he was amazing. especially the part where harry falls from the sky during the quidditch match and the sky goes dark around him, to show him passing out, and the parts where you go through the clock tower, past all the gears and shit... way cool. the only thing i didnt like was how they left out the fact that the marauders map was actually made my james potter, professer lupin, peter pettigrew and sirius black. i think thats kind of an important plot point. feh.

uh...
what was i gonna say?
tonite i'm going over to kelleys at 6:45 and rahel p is gonna take me, kelley, mark fendrick and brandon (ryans twin) in to see Ever We Fall, and to RAWK the FUCK out. uh huh. geoff and joe are going to lincoln city and therefore will not be attending the festivities. erm.

http://viki0.blogspot.com

i put some shit on DA... old stuff i had forgotten i had on my computer. go check it out. i gave up on the gallery/scrapbook idea. i think i'll put almost everything in the gallery. no one knows when i update the scrapbook, you see. uh huh.

shut out what they say
x 13:21

4.6.04

http://www.whitehouseforsale.org/ContributorsAndPaybacks/pioneer_search.cfm

eek!

shut out what they say
x 21:55

current mood:
current music:

gots an email from tony

gots some punk lyrics bout politics:
The race of champions; the pace the pace!
The speed the need, the need to speed!
The chance to die...
Another dead, don't cry!
Another dead, don't cry...
You've still got speed, you'll maybe bleed
But that's next time...
- wire

"I know where you go everybody you know
I know everything that you do or say
So when you tell lies I always be in your way
I’m nobody’s fool and I know all cos I know
What I know

Lie lie lie liar you lie lie lie lie
I think you’re funny you’re funny ha ha
I don’t need it don’t need your blah blah
Should’ve realised I know what you are

you're in suspension... you're a liar"
- sex pistols

gots some... memories?

sawed the lo-cals
went to brian and phebes
hugged geoff
petted a cat
talked to a dude named Nate


my house smells like rotting dead animal. i think malachi brought in something dead and hid it and we dont know where. fuck!

shut out what they say
x 21:50

3.6.04

god takes care of himself, and you of you

current mood: mmm fat? is that a mood? i just ate.
current music: No Joy In Mudville- Death Cab For Cutie


Opening Credits: STYX
Waking-Up Scene: STYX
Average-Day Scene: STYX
Best-Friend Scene: STYX
First-Date Scene: STYX
Falling-In-Love Scene: STYX
Love Scene: STYX
Broken Social Scene: STYX
Fight-With-Friend Scene: STYX
Break-Up Scene: STYX
Get-Back-Together Scene: STYX
Life's Okay Scene: STYX
Heartbreak Scene: STYX
Mental Breakdown Scene: STYX
Driving Scene: STYX
Lesson-Learning Scene: STYX
Deep-Thought Scene: STYX
Flashback Scene: STYX
Party Scene: STYX
Happy Dance Scene: STYX
Regret Scene: STYX
Long-Night-Alone Scene: STYX
Death Scene: STYX
Closing Credits: STYX

Opening Credits: Lightsaber Cocksucking Blues- Mclusky
Waking-Up Scene: It's All Nice On Ice, Alright?- Modest Mouse
Average-Day Scene: Expectations- Belle and Sebastian
Best-Friend Scene: Bubble Toes- Jack Johnson
First-Date Scene: Making Freinds and Aquaintances- Cursive
Falling-In-Love Scene: There Is A Light That Never Goes Out- The Smiths
Love Scene: Such Great Heights- Iron and Wine
Broken Social Scene: Bad Scene, Everyone's Fault- Jawbreaker
Fight-With-Friend Scene: Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh- Bright Eyes
Break-Up Scene: Song For The Dumped- Ben Folds
Get-Back-Together Scene: I Don't Want To Get Over You- The Magnetic Fields
Life's Okay Scene: The Spiderbite Song- The Flaming Lips
Heartbreak Scene: The Bachelor and The Bride- The Decemberists
Mental Breakdown Scene: You Say You Own It- Kill The Man Who Questions
Driving Scene: Waitin' For My Ruca- Sublime
Lesson-Learning Scene: One Very Important Thought- Boards of Canada
Deep-Thought Scene: Names- Cat Power
Flashback Scene: Cryptor Child- Marilyn Manson
Party Scene: Heaven- The Rapture
Happy Dance Scene: The Good Live- Weezer
Regret Scene: You Know You're Right- Nirvana
Long-Night-Alone Scene: Subterranean Homesick Alien- Radiohead
Death Scene: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea- Neutral Milk Hotel
Closing Credits: Have You Forgotten- Red House Painters

that was fun.


today i enrolled in chemeketa. i took the test and it was fucking stupid. really easy and so i got almost perfect on english and writing, but retarded on math, of course. they love me anyway tho and let me enroll even tho the office was closed. so i got the catalog, and found out i can take
3 credits (1/2 credit) Health II
3 credits (/12 credit) American Goverment
over the summer, online! good deal!
and then during the fall and spring, i'll take
6 credits (1 credit) of Economis
6 credits (1 credit) of PE
the economics i can take online, the PE i need to take at the academy building in dallas, but i can take Karate and Yoga.



uh huh!

shut out what they say
x 20:32

2.6.04



current mood: yah!
current music: waitin' for my ruca- sublime


"15 year old girl just dropped out of school
Says she’s tired of playing a fool
18 year old boy just jumped off a bridge
And they call it another suicide
The Youth Are Getting Restless
The Youth Are Getting Restless
The Youth Are Getting Restless
Oh yeah!

777 victims
Kids of Africa
All under the age of 17
Revolution is taking place
And you better watch out
For it’s righteous"
ye. more sublime.

i downloaded this song cuz i heard it in rachel p's car. never thought i would like sublime. i think most reggae-influenced stuff is... i dunno. reggae. and dumb. but i really like bradley's lyrics, and i like... i dunno. i think this is really good. i feel really stupid liking it, tho, because its so incredably popular, and VANORA likes it. i mean, honestly. next thing you know i'll be into Primus and Fiddy or some shit.

hehe. wait.

anyway...

I AM SO GLAD I AM GETTING OUT OF SK00L SOON
*hates sk00l*
I HATE YOU SK00L

... i'm useless tonite. http://viki0.blogspot.com update. checkin' the obits everyday. "heros dont make headlines, they're buried in the obituaries"- something we read in english

shut out what they say
x 21:34

i'm fearful, i'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me

current mood: good!
current music: lightsaber cocksucking blues- mclusky

ye!

uh...


ye!

shut out what they say
x 17:32

1.6.04

roleplaying myself

current mood: tired
current music: your retro career melted- the faint

quotes:
"the faint= hotsex" - kelley
"can i eat your vomit?"- geoff
"look at the mountain"- the faint

whoa nella brian is talking to me!
and geoff
and carlei, a second ago
d00d.

.... that's all.
sk00l again tomorrow.
my likely grades-
english- A
art- A
history- B
algebra- C/D (!)
drama- A
science- A

... thats not so bad, right? some of those As will prolly be Bs, actually



shhhh everything will be ok
look at the mountain!

shut out what they say
x 23:00

This Much I Know Is True
By Elizabeth Schulte
I am threatened by ridicule.
I am overly conscious of the sound of sincerity in my own voice.
I don't like telling people things that they won't approve of, unless their disapproval will get me somewhere, or they are the sort of people I don't like anyway.
My Freshman English teacher told me once that I need to take off my "Betsey blinders" and see things for all sides of the equation, and I've been obsessing over that comment ever since. Unfortunately, that is exactly what he intended.
Sometimes, I need everything to be in even numbers.
My emotions are affected by music more than anyone else I know.
I doubt that I am unique: This is because I use bits and pieces of other people's personalities to for my own.
Sometimes, I think women are attractive, and then I realize that it's just the lack of intimidating protrusions.
I am absolutely and completely in favour of:
1) Creativity in music
2) Art
3) Journalism
4) Love
5) Friendship
6) My family
7) Adorable kittens and puppies
8) Full-scale, bloody, violently-oriented and terrorism-fueled revolution.
I am absolutely and completely opposed to:
1) Oppression in any form, be that religion, racism, sexism, censorship, or, most prevalent, patriotism.
People tell me I'm self-absorbed and I try very hard to overcome this, but that in itself is a self-absorbed activity and entirely in my own interest, so I get stuck in this quandary.
I spend too much time trying to escape the stereotype that I have built myself into, even though I know full well that that is a meaningless idea.
The best place I know of in the world is the place where everyone loves me.
Drawing and taking pictures is the only way I know to create an accurate self-portrait.
I struggle to avoid being jaded at all costs, although this is usually at odds with fact number 1, "I am threatened by ridicule"
I struggle to avoid being sanctimonious and uptight.
Try to be: a real real artist. Want to: get away from my city.
I'm not well read, but I read well.

Elizabeth Schulte thinks you are beautiful, interesting and cool, and wants to talk to you over coffee sometime. She's 16 and she can't drive, live on her own, cook, make a bed, vacuum, speak any foreign language, act, sing, dance, or sew. But she is nonetheless a sweet person.

shut out what they say
x 19:51

rove on wanderer, no mad vagabond, call me what you will

current mood: sad
current music: tallica (betsy music)

so jared's mom appraently died.

ergh.

*takes a deep breathe* i wont let it make me cry, tho. i'm not a whiny little drama bitch, and i'm fine. fuck you, god, but i'm fine.


:(

shut out what they say
x 16:52

these days

current mood: ssoooo sleepy
current music: rockin the suburbs- ben folds

According to www.humanforsale.com, I am worth exactly: $1,732,850.00!
If I was a dude, I'd be worth 1,623,450.00!
Katie is worth 1,790,526.00!
Geoff is worth 1,640,030.00!

shut out what they say
x 00:38

31.5.04

we are all gods.

current mood: sleepy
current music: these white lights will bend to make blue- azure ray

*snarl*
dude.
What The %&$! Do We Know= worst movie EVAR.
do NOT go see this movie.
if you want to be existential, rent Waking Life.
if you want to see a shitty B film with 80s music, watch an educational health video.
combine the two, add an annoying hippie woman named Rhomba or Rhompta or something, and there you have "the sensation that is sweeping the nation".
"it's time to get wise"? FUCK you.

this movie sucks.


that is all.

shut out what they say
x 22:59

Which Rock Chick Are You?

shut out what they say
x 15:15

i have a friend, he's mostly made of paint

current mood: blech
current music: waste of paint- bright eyes

and i want to scream out that it all is nonsense,
'are your lives one track? cant you see its pointless?'
but just then my knees give under me,
and its plain to see its not them, but me,
who's lost my self identity.
as i hide behind these books i read,
while scribbling my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me,
with some ideal ideology
that no one could hope to acheive.
and i'm never real- it's just a sketch of me.
and everything i'd made is trite,
and cheap,
and a waste
of paint,
of breath,
of time.



i am a bad person, i'm afraid.
none of the movies i want to see
(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Stupidity
Supersize Me
Coffee and Cigarettes)
are playing anywhere near salem. i need to get up to portland to see the first and last of those, at least.
HEY. isnt this karma?
HEY!
it's the sun!
and it makes me smile!

... i'm looking forward to seeing the polyphonic spree so that i can have a religious experience. WOULD THAT BE OK WITH YOU?


geoff: h... hello?
me: .... *giggle* hey... *giggle*
geoff: whats this all about?
me: ... *giggle* is... is your refrigerator running?
geoff: *thoughtful pause* yes. yes, it is.
me: *giggle* YOU'D BETTER GO catch it ... then! *giggle* *click*
*dial tone*



i'm so weird.

shut out what they say
x 13:42

wow!

current mood: ok
current music: hollow- APC

wow nella
i'm not that sick anymore. my sickness evacuated my body in the form of massive ammounts of vomit. i <3 throwing up.

make a floor rainbow!
worship the porcelain schoolbus!

... i got nothing.

anyway, so i feel better. today mom is going into something for my grandfather at the cemetary, or whatever, and also i think doing something with HER mom, but when she gets home she'll take me into town to hang out with geoff.

but we dont know what to doooooooooooooooo because everything is closed! shitadick.
i think theres something wrong with my winamp. it keeps trying to kill itself. what do i do to help a suicidal winamp? erf.
ERF!


theres this little boy who lives with geoff's older brother, derrick, cuz derrick's roomie is his mommy, and hes only 5 and those "darn punk kids" (really!) gave him a damned mohawk because they think it looks cool, even tho he gets made fun of at sk00l for it, and he doesnt know his ABCs or what numbers are, and they're dumb and they ignore him all the time and drink and smoke weed in front of him. and forget to feed and clothe him. its so awful. i'm going to steal him and be his new mommy!
... not really. but i'd like to! i could read books with him and teach him his ABCs! i like cute little five year old boys!
so geoff's mom, whom i have never met, and i, are gonna steal him and be his mommies forever and ever. ok?

shut out what they say
x 11:03

30.5.04

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: elizabeth
-- Birthplace: salem
-- Gender: girly girl
-- Eye Color: brownish
-- Hair Color: black, right now
-- Height: 5'11" ish
-- Righty or Lefty: righty

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: german i guess
-- The shoes you wore today: none! i'm a hippie.
-- Your fears: people think i'm stupid, or not being able to do what everyone expects
-- Your perfect meal: i like scallopped potatoes
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: be amazing.

LAYER THREE:
-- Your thoughts first waking up: today? "shit, mom, go away and stop being a bitch!"
-- Your best physical feature: erm i like my legs sometimes
-- Your bedtime: like uh... early, lately, like 10:30
-- Your most missed memory: when daddy used to be home more. when i didnt make him mad by being old.

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: blech
-- McDonald's or Burger King: blech
-- Single or group dates: uh... blech?
-- Adidas or Nike: nothing
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: hehe... brian wrote something about an "ass clown" on this one. that makes me laugh. ass clown? hehe.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: i guess cappucino. can i have a strawberry smoothie? or chai?

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: nope
-- Cuss: more than i should. shitadick. i'll stop someday.
-- Sing: yessir (right now- the white stripes)
-- Take a shower: hardly ever. baths are more convenient, i can talk on the phone AND shave my legs.
-- Have a crush: a lot
-- Do you think you've been in love: i dont know
-- Want to go to college: probably.
-- Like highschool: not a lot, but it isnt horrible. things could be worse.
-- Want to get married: yes, but not anytime soon
-- Believe in yourself: mm... yes. yes, i do.
-- Get motion sickness: not at all.
-- Think you're attractive: i guess if i was another person, i would think i was fucking hot, but no one else around here thinks i am hot so it is hard to say yes to that.
-- Think you're a health freak: not really. i should be.
-- Get along with your parent(s): usually.
-- Like thunderstorms: a bunch!
-- Play an instrument: yes

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: no
-- Smoked: no
-- Done a drug: yes
-- Gone on a date: i guess
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no, thats gross
-- Eaten sushi: no (unless you mean 'giner!) (in which case... no again.)
-- Been on stage: yes
-- Been dumped: no
-- Made homemade cookies: yes
-- Gone skinny dipping: in the bathtub! grarg!
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen anything: no

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl..
-- Best eye color?: ergh brown i guess, or really clear blue. i dont care
-- Best hair color?: dark?
-- Short or long hair?: long!
-- Height: tall!
-- Best weight: shh!
-- Best articles of clothing: nice things to wear. i like tight shirts. and... shoes.
LAYER TEN:
-- Number of piercings: 6
-- Number of tattoos: 0
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: a lot
-- Things in my past that I regret: mmm being mean-y when i should have been nice-y.

shut out what they say
x 21:38

spent on rainy days

current mood: sick
current music: spent on rainy days- bright eyes

I wish I saved up for rainy days, cause they're the hardest to be dry.
I've got no self control.
I'm always begging into telephones.
I bought a little from my brother's friend,
well, just to get me by.
I don't trust his cut.
The effect is never as high as the mark-up.
I think I'll print it in the personals that I'm looking for a match,
Someone to light me up, someone to burn the proof of the things that I've done.
Each day there's hours, I skip like a stone.
I just crawl in a bed.
I'm gonna live my life like somebody's shadow.

I know I'm lazy with the little things, I mean, I never held a door,
But I still loved you more than anyone since or before.
You are always saying that I owe you one, well, let's consolidate this debt
Get on a payment plan, I'll pay you compliments, you can still treat me bad.
But now it's easy, getting easier, to leave you and this town behind,
I'll do some traveling.
Once I'm gone tell all our friends you got even.
I'm held like an object, and then set aside,
And I'm back on the shelf, I'm locked in the drawer,
I'm mint in the box, but you would still sell me for cost, wouldn't you?

I'll be anything
the cord of a parachute
the blanket on top of you
the window you're looking through
the cord of a parachute






blarg i have a throw-up-y sickness

shut out what they say
x 19:11

so smoke your pot, and let me be

current mood: pretty bad
current music: jane- hubcap annie

i saw hubcap annie JUST LAST NIGHT! sheit, i feel so cool, i'm listening to a local band that is actually really really talented. *rocks out*

uhm... actually, what i saw wasnt hubcap, it was just brian and jon, but it was still cool, they did a neat kind of semi-acoustic set that made me smile a happy smile. and itw as good times all around, too, cuz kelley and rachel and ryan gave me a ride into town, and rachel kept swearing at everyone on the way in. "get the FUCK out of my FUCKING WAY, you fucking shit-ass fuck!" ... she's so cool. we listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

and then we met up with geoff and brandt and travis, which was cool. geoff walked across the mutha-effin bridge! insane, huh?

and uh
we walked over to the gcup and got coffee... only mildly depressing. sat in the old same place. ye.
went and caught the end of She Talks Like a Rocketship. everybody traded shoes. i wore ryans cons. he wore my 4 inch mary-janes! w00t! everybody went barefoot and we hopped across the street, watched some slipknot fans jump into the bushes. reminded me a LOT of jeremy. i wonder what jeremy is up to lately. *hugs jeremy long-distance*

if anybody still talks to jeremy, let me know how he's doing. eh?

and and and some po-pos started talking to the slipknot kids so we kind of inched away
talked to ryan about his ex grrrlfriend, being a vegan, buddhism, how ninjas kind of represent everything cool in life. he's one rad dude. i really think so.

and uh then we saw hubcap, that wasnt really hubcap.

and then on the ride home, rachel had to give geoff, ryan, kelley, jessica Z. and me a ride, so jessica layed across people's laps and then sat on the floor when we went by the po-pos. and we rocked hard and drank soy milk
and then i got home
I AM GETTING SO SICK
so i wake up this morning, and company is coming over later today so mom wants me to help her clean, and i DO help her, and she keeps bitching at me the WHOLE DAMN TIME and following me around insulting me and telling me i'm doing everything wrong, and finally i tell her to please go away because i'm working. and she FLIPS OUT and screams at me for being ungrateful, bla bla. i swear, shes a totally different person when my friends arent around. they all think i have the coolest mom of all time, and admittadly, she is pretty rad. its nice to have a mom whos an artist, too, so she tends to understand me pretty well. its just that when we have company coming over, and around the holidays, she gets SO STRESSED OUT and decides to EAT MY FACE for every little thing.
so not only do i have finals coming up
but i have also caught the plague and cannot breathe
and also i have to deal with my mother bitching at me
and also... bleh
i wanted to hang out with rachel and jessica today. they invited me to come with them into salem- they were gonna visit derrick and then go see hubcap annie play their other gig, at some church. and it sounded fucking rad, but no, i have to stay here with my cosuins who i have trouble tolerating.

grar

my whole house smells like charring flesh cuz mom is cooking a dead cow. shes a vegetarian and shes cooking a dead cow for her family to eat! when i move out, i wont even let meat or animal products IN MY HOUSE, let alone in my kitchen, cooking on the same stove as the food that i have to eat! its revolting. everywhere i look upstairs, theres a different dead thing.
dairy products are starting to make me sick. i've been drinking soy milk instead of real milk for a while, and now when i eat cottage cheese, it makes me kind of nauseous. which is sad, cuz i fuckinG LOOOOOVE cottage cheese, and i bet you a dollar that vegan cottage cheese is more expensive and hard to find. blarg.
but whatever, at least i wont feel guilty and sick about eating it.
obviously still eating eggs and shit, cuz, you know... i eat regular bread. and peanut butter i think has something weird in it... meh.


i really really hate having to watch people put decaying flesh into their bodies
i feel like i should go liberate that carcass upstairs
throw it out the window or something
the worst part is that if i make any sort of snide comment about it, my mom will kill me, so meh...

shut out what they say
x 12:31

28.5.04

dharma punx

current mood: ok
current music: indie sux, emo sux, hardline sux, you suck! - antiflag


The Indie kids are a bunch of snobs.
They complain my timing's all off.
I think timing is for stupid fucks!
Why do they think I play punk rock!
Steve Albini playing god of indie heave,
Stupid dorks keeping time in seven and eleven!

Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!

I'm not a vegan and I have had sex,
So some hard-line kids tried to kick my ass
If you're not like them they want to clean your clock
They're nothing but a bunch of jocks!
They're anti-choice, they're facist youth,
Their songs all song like metal tunes!

Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
But what about punk rock?
What about punk rock? hahahaha

I've been told emo songs are deep,
Which translates into really weak!
All they ever do is cry,
Did something get caught in their eyes?
I just can't understand it all,
Even I don't always bawl..
boohoohoo..
My girlfriend dumped me and I'm really really hurt...

Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
Indie sucks, hard-line sucks, emo sucks, you suck!
They suck, you suck, they suck, you suck.....


i checked out Dharma Punx by Noah Levine. its fucking awesome.

shut out what they say
x 17:26

27.5.04

come to me again in the cold cold night

current mood: peaceful
current music: the white stripes

What is your name? elizabeth kathleen schulte
2.Give Yourself a nickname. stinky
3.What is one of your earliest memories? uh... well, ONE of my earliest is picking peas in the garden with my daddy. he was wearing a blue bandana and he had his hair longer back then, and it was late in the evening at the bottom of the hill so the sunshine hit our hair and we ate all the peas and mom didnt get any!
4.List your musical interests in terms of eras. I.E.- "In the 80's I was into..."
hmm.
in the 80s, i was only 2, so i was into... i dunno. baby music.
in the 90s i was into a lot of different shit. it started as oldies like my rents liked, and then i kinda went through a pop phase, nsync and shit, and then i did new age, and then i went through an extensive fake goth phase, and a breif punk period, and that brings us up to date with the indie hipster that is today.
5.Last cd you listened to? before the white stripes? uh, london calling, the clash. believe me, normally i listen to less mainstream, but rachel burned me some cds so i'm experimenting.
6.Favorite song you're afraid to admit you like? everything ever done by the white stripes
7.Current Job: unemployed
8.Dream Job: oh lord. cartoonist/author/illustrator/freelance artist/photographer/art history prof.
9.Pet Peeve: high schoolers
10.Who was your first crush, and what attracted you to them: wow... uh, in presk00l i like dthis kid named jimmy, and then in kindergarden i dont remember, and 1st i liked prolly evey boy in the class, and 2nd i liked tyler, and 3rd i liked everyone again cuz tyler moved to california.
11.What makes you happy right now? schools almost out
12.What upsets you right now? the draft
13.Say something funny: woo woo
14.Say something nice about the first person to comment on the last LJ entry you did: i... dont... have LJ.
15.Say something nice to the person you stole this from (if it's the same person as 14, you owe them 2 compliments now): ryan, your hair is frikkin awesome, and you're one of the coolest 8th graders (or just people) i know
16.Say Something nice about president Bush: he's a very inspirational speaker, i'll give him that.
17.Name 3 things you would change about your life: i'd like to have chemeketa classes be cheaper, i'd like to have my kitten NOW NOW NOW, i'd like more drugs.
18.Don't you want a PLAYSTATION 2????? YES... what?
19.What do YOU want to see in future Emo Boy issues??????? what the hell? uh... "jawbreaker and selling out"? what?
20.And finally, say something nice about yourself! There, we're all happy! i have more incentive to go to tibet than anyone else i know.

shut out what they say
x 21:51

i am more scared now than i ever have been before
and i quote, from here

Pending Draft Legislation Targeted for Spring 2005
The Draft will Start in June 2005



There is pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills: S 89 and HR 163) which will time the program's initiation so the draft can begin at early as Spring 2005 -- just after the 2004 presidential election. The administration is quietly trying to get these bills passed now, while the public's attention is on the elections, so our action on this is needed immediately.

$28 million has been added to the 2004 Selective Service System (SSS) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005. Selective Service must report to Bush on March 31, 2005 that the system, which has lain dormant for decades, is ready for activation. Please see website: www.sss.gov/perfplan_fy2004.html to view the sss annual performance plan - fiscal year 2004.

The pentagon has quietly begun a public campaign to fill all 10,350 draft board positions and 11,070 appeals board slots nationwide.. Though this is an unpopular election year topic, military experts and influential members of congress are suggesting that if Rumsfeld's prediction of a "long, hard slog" in Iraq and Afghanistan [and a permanent state of war on "terrorism"] proves accurate, the U.S. may have no choice but to draft.

Congress brought twin bills, S. 89 and HR 163 forward this year, http://www.hslda.org/legislation/na...s89/default.asp entitled the Universal National Service Act of 2003, "to provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons [age 18--26] in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes." These active bills currently sit in the committee on armed services.

Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era.

College and Canada will not be options. In December 2001, Canada and the U.S. signed a "smart border declaration," which could be used to keep would-be draft dodgers in. Signed by Canada's minister of foreign affairs, John Manley, and U.S. Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge, the declaration involves a 30-point plan which implements, among other things, a "pre-clearance agreement" of people entering and departing each country. Reforms aimed at making the draft more equitable along gender and class lines also eliminates higher education as a shelter. Underclassmen would only be able to postpone service until the end of their current semester. Seniors would have until the end of the academic year.

Even those voters who currently support US actions abroad may still object to this move, knowing their own children or grandchildren will not have a say about whether to fight. Not that it should make a difference, but this plan, among other things, eliminates higher education as a
shelter and includes women in the draft.

The public has a right to air their opinions about such an important decision.

Please send this on to all the friends, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins that you know. Let your children know too -- it's their future, and they can be a powerful voice for change!

Please also contact your representatives to ask them why they aren't telling their constituents about these bills -- and contact newspapers and other media outlets to ask them why they're not covering this important story.









i'm so scared
i was counting on college and feminity to get me out of death
but evidently i cant rely on adults any longer
so i'll have to just rely on myself





this is a hard way to grow up.

shut out what they say
x 17:49

26.5.04

may i help you?

current mood: happy
current music: bird that you cant see- apples in stereo

hey so today i wake up knowing that i've got to go to sk00l, and i go in and get signed out to leave at 9:10 to go to the chemeketa building with rosie and my mom to talk to the councelor about graduating early. and so we talked to her, and rosie and i have to go and take a test on computers in salem tomorrow.

and then after we left, rosie and i didnt want to to go to skool so mom took us to goodwill, and then we went into salem and saw SHREK II (which, by the way, was medicore- not nearly as good as the first) and then went to the goodwill as-is store and lil' gypsy.

i bought some rad shirts, and this funky orange emo bag

and i wish i was rich, cuz lil gypsy has the hippest of hispter clothing, only for rich hipsters and not us poor hipsters. meh. i love vintage clothing, i'm just a pauper compared to most other conniseurs of such. theres ONE incentive to go to college- get a job which will allow me to dress in vintage clothes. isnt that awful? it really is, its dreadful. i'm sorry. my bad. what i meant to say is "get a job which will allow me to feed hungry ethiopian children" tay?

i <3 you

i dont really feel like writing. if you dont like Seven Nation Army there is something really really wrong with you. jack white is an over-rated violent asshole sell-out, but his album is still damned good. ye. gangsta.

shut out what they say
x 17:30

24.5.04



current mood:
current music:

[Jay-Z's Mom:]
Shawn Carter was born December 4th
Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces
He was the last of my 4 children
The only one who didn't give me any pain when i gave birth to him
And that's how i knew that he was a special child

[Jay-Z]
They say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone"
So on that note i'm leaving after the song
So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long
At least let me tell you why i'm this way, Hold on
I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adaness Revees
Who made love under the Siccamore tree
Which makes me
A more sicker emcee my momma would claim
At 10 pounds when i was born i didn't give her no pain
Although through the years i gave her her fair share
I gave her her first real scare
I made it from birth and i got here
She knows my purpose wasn't purpose
I ain't perfect i care
But i feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matchin my gear
Now i'm just scratchin the surface cause what's burried under there
Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared
I went to school got good grades could behave when i wanted
But i had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted
Hold on

[Jay-Z's Mom:]
Shawn was a very shy child growing up
He was into sports
And a funny story is
At 4 he taught hisself how to ride a bike
A two wheeler at that
Isn't that special?
But, i noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke up

[Jay-Z]
Now all the teachers couldn't reach me
And my momma couldn't beat me
Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me, SO
With that distain in my membrain
Got on my pimp game
Fuck the world my defense came
Then Dahaven introuced me to the game
Spanish Jose introduced me to cane
I'm a hustler now
My gear is in and i'm in the in crowd
And all the wavey light skinned girls is lovin me now
My self esteem went through the roof man i got my swag
Got a volvo from this girl when her man got bagged
Plus i hit my momma with cash from a show that i had
Supposedly knowin nobody paid Jaz wack ass
I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, i could rap
That came second to me movin this crack
Gimme a second i swear
I will say about my rap career
Til 96 came niggas i'm here
Good-bye

[Jay-Z's Mom:]
Shawn use to be in the kitchen
Beating on the table and rapping
And um, until the wee hours of the morning
And then i bought him a boom box
And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts
But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of trouble

[Jay-Z]
Good-bye to the game all the spoils, the adreneline rush
Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush
And you in a drop your so easy to touch
No two days are alike
Except the first and fifteenth pretty much
And "trust" is a word you seldom hear from us
Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up
And the drought to find a man when the well dries up
You learn to work the water without workin thirst til die YUP
And niggas get tied up for product
And little brothers ring fingers get cut up
To show mothers they really got em
And this was the stress i live with til i decided
To try this rap shit for a livin
I Pray i'm forgiven
For every bad decision i made
Every sister i played
Cause i'm still paranoid to this day
And it's nobody fault i made the decisions i made
This is the life i chose or rather the life that chose me

If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when i fade to black

If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when i fade to black

yah you can find pretty things anywhere. even in jay-z. it just so happens that this is mixed with the beatles, but fuck off.

WHO'S GOING TO LOLLAPALOOZA? i'd REALLY like to go to that. a LOT. i wrote my mom a letter about it, and its only like $45 dude, sheit, so i might have to go. i mean, fuckin $45! joe has a job so he'll be able to pay for his ticket, so if i can convince my mom to let me go, maybe i will go. i could prolly babysit for the money or something. sheit. sheeeeit.

KITTEN!

shut out what they say
x 17:18

this is a thank you song for les and ray

current mood: hungry!
current music: les and ray- le tigre

you
were
my oxygen
the thing that made me think
i could escape
this is a thank you song for les and ray

i'm not ever ever ever going to be white trash like you. do you understand me? i'm going to graduate early, go do something fun like go to europe or something, go to an obscure art college, earn a degree in something awesome, and FUCKING OWN YOUR ASS. you fucking bitch, you'll never get anywhere when you insist on perpetually shooting yourself in the foot. fucking, just leave me alone, alright?

that said...
today has been ok.
i had a sub in 3 out of my 6 classes so it was kind of weird.
i'm gonna read like half of huckleberry fin in the bathtub tonite, so that takes care of english for the rest of the year. i also thought that tonite i would do my science homework, but it looks like that has been demoted to tomorrow evening. wheelah.

i love you.
rosie is prolly gonna graduate early with me. heather might, too. that would be rockin. ROCKIN! ROCKIN ROCKIN ROCKIN.
fuck you!

shut out what they say
x 16:14

23.5.04

all your thoughts. they rot.

current mood: satisfied
current music: hotcha girls- ugly casanova

mmm. hey. today has been a good day. i'd almost say it was my favourite day of this weekend. i dont know, when i look at this weekend in retrospect i'll prolly choose saturday as the coolest day by far, but so far today has been so relaxed, its really nice to not worry about time and place and riding in the car.

so i woke up at 1, got out of bed, semi-disoriented. i find that happens when i crash immediatly when i get home. the next morning, for about half an hour, i dont know what day it is, and offhandedly refer to the cat as travis.

so then i took a really long shower, reluctantly got dressed, and then went upstairs and ate like 9 bowls of cereal with soy milk, a toasted bagel, some soy smoothie peach stuff which was SO GOOD... mm. and read the paper. in the sunwarmed kitchn at the wooden table.

and then i came downstairs, sorted through my backpack and found the stuff necessary for living. did some real homework, for the first time in forever. i found my momolouges, typed them up, wrote my resume for drama, printed it off, and then wrote my play report of A Streetcar Named Desire and printed that bitch. so i'm done with drama homework for the rest of the year, all but that whole memorization bit.

uh so that leaves me:
the history timeline
the algebra thing (???)
and the science speech.

and i showed my mom the plan to graduate early- she's worried about how much the 4 extra classes will cost, but i dont know... i guess i'm asking for a lot, again, like i tend to do, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

i feel bad for that, but i dont know how to be any other way. i dont know how to be a satisfied and calm and un-demanding girl. i'm no good at that. i try, tho, i promise.

today has been a good sunday. http://viki0.blogspot.com see?

i dont know me and you dont know you
and we fit together so well cuz
i knew you like i knew myself

shut out what they say
x 20:17

all of the drugs she does, scare me real good

current mood: clean!
current music: no one else- weezer

i forgot to mention something about last nite! when ryan and kelley and travis and joe and geoff and katie and i were standing outside the roseland waiting for our rides, there was this drunk guy who was ... drunk! he got thrown out by a security guard and then he accused geoff of trying to "touch" him (hehe) and then he threw up in a trash can and ran away. i fsucking love portland.

i'm really thinking about going to college in portland. i really would like to go to the pacific northwest college of art (i'm not even sure if thats the right freakin name) for a couple years... thats a really really great skool, really small and kind of prestigous, plus, portland is fun, i could find an apartment with some people and then transfer to someplace else for grad skool, like minneapolis or california or new york or something. i know i've always said i wanted to get out of the state, but it has come to my attention that
I DO NOT HATE ALL OF OREGON
I JUST HATE DALLAS
whoa! shit! how insane is that!

i'd like to take senior year off, tho, so i'll prolly get a job and go someplace fun for a month, like france or indonesia or something. whee. i'd have to wait until i was over 18, but thats not too bad, thats in february of my senior year which is not really a senior year. yes.

enough talk of this! the drunk guy threw up!
geoff got a digital camera and for this he must die.

shut out what they say
x 16:02

hysterical and useless

current mood: sleepy (still! after like 12 hours of sleep!)
current music: let down- radiohead

whoa there nella! can this be true? did i go to TWO awesome shows, in less that 48 hours? HOLY FUCKING SHIT ASS FUCK, i think it IS true! nella!

ok, so, the shins show. review commences.... NOW! *static*

so i got oota bed, got cleaned up, and sat around the house for like 5 hours. i hate it when that happens. i was stoked and ready to GO GO GO but i had to sit on me bum and wait. like so:
1) red metallic jeans
2) black lace-up shirt, with cursive temporary tattoo where my clevage would be if i had any
3) thigh-length red riding coat from a rummage sale (which i later discovered contained a clip-on bow tie in the pocket! rockin'!)
4) my black converse... i painted the toes PINK and painted out the white star, and put a red broken heart and the words "BROKEN HEART" on it instead... and did the eyelets red with a marker, and put in laces made of LACE.
5) some other clothing! i dont remember what! i do not care. bla bla. simply remember that i looked awesome. or actually i didnt, but whatever.

so then we went to music millenium and everyone bought music except me, because i am poor, so instead i bougtht a Mercury Rev poster (where the hell am i going to put a mercury rev poster? my walls are like, completely full. and so is my ceiling. dammit) and a bunch of emo buttons. i got one for sleater kinney, bikini kill, pedro the lion, and uh, one more... shit, what was it? i dont remember, and theyre all up in my room, so ... oh! right! it was TVOTR! neat.
so then.
we went.
to the show.
we had to fit katie and travis and geoff and joe into the back seat of a volkswagen jetta, which was certainly a challenge and a half. and it was raining. yes. rain.

and then we got to the show, and waited outside for a bit. we had ryans ticket, cuz katie had bought it (for thos of you who DO NOT KNOW, ryan is this rad dude that i had never met before, but he seemed completely cool. hes an 8th grader and he has crazy ass hair and hes a vegan, which earns him scene points. trav made him an elliott smith mix tape. i want to hang out with him this summer. he gives off "coolness" vibes.) and then we went in, and
the first band played
ELF POWER!
they rocked my house down!
and then
THE FIERY FURNACES
... joe apparently got them, i didnt get them. i think i would get them in studio form. but live, i wasnt a huge fan. it was basically this cool female singer and a guy on keyboards and a drummer and a bassist, and they played this music that sounded like it was from a carnival, and she screeched on top of it about losing her dog and then finding it again.
and then
THE SHINS!
at first it seemed like their set wasnt going to be as good as the one we saw in february, but they turned out to rock the house down, as well. they did When I Goose Step, which was rad. and Eating Styes from Elephant's Eyes. they never did Fighting In A Sack, which is what i think a lot of people were waiting for, so it kind of seemed... unfinished. they came back for an encore, which i always think is stupid. just finish the set and then turn the lights on and tell people to go home. encores hurt my head.

w00t tho. i tried to get geoff to buy me THE SHINS underwear but he was like, "what size? omg! omg! " and made me REQUEST it. what the hell? the whole idea behind buying yer girlfreind stuff is that SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO REQUEST IT. in fact, it should not even be MY IDEA. its supposed to be because you are being nice, and thoughtful, and caring, and not like "blarg! omg!" and making it all mundane. i mean, i feel really dumb for adhering to rules like that, but it really does matter a lot in person, more than it does on paper. whatever, tho. no pink underwear for elizabeth. geoff is still a rad indie rockin boyfriend tho so i guess i will keep him.

i really liked having geoff there with me, tho. it was so sweet. we were right at the very very corner of the stage, so i was leaning on the stage and he had his arms around me. it made me happy. *smiles a happy sappy smile*

uh

fuck

sometimes i disgust myself
i stayed awake the WHOLE RIDE HOME because we listened to rap and 80s, two of the best/worst genres of music, and i had to stay awake to hate/love it. indeed. also because i am hardcore. i had a really hard time keeping my eyes open tho.

these drunk people tried to dance at the shins, and they were dancing in vomit, and they were so fucking white. geoff and katie and travis and i laughed pretty hard at that.

uh...
KELLEY IS ADORABLE.

shut out what they say
x 14:00

22.5.04

mistaking aeroplanes for stars

current mood: bored
current music: indie rock love song- gritty kitty

the only reason i am updating is so i can post the name of that song ^^^

shut out what they say
x 16:46

we'll all be free when they're all fucking dead

current mood: fidgety
current music: the lament of pretty baby- cursive

man so last night i was too tired to do my traditional concert review, but i'm doing it now.
kelley and i rode up to portland in near silence... kelley is kind of quiet anyway, but i didnt realy feel like talking either, so we just listened to music and read SPIN and stuff. she gave me her old white stripes cd. its emberassing for me to admit that i like that album, but fuck you. i know, i know, its mainstream, but i really do think jack white is a pretty talented musician, and even if he did sell out, its still ok music. fuck off.

anyway so we got up there, and mom drove around the block like 9 times trying to find the crystal. we knew where it was, but we'd be like "there it is, mom! right there!" and then half a block later she'd be like, "where IS that dang place? why didnt you say something?" it was kind of funny, actually. and then i took my picture for the day.

so then we went in! and we hit up the merch table, which ruled. i got some new buttons, plus a patch that i forgot in kelleys purse but i'll get it today. kelley got this awesome purse, pink and little, with the cursive sign on it. made me grin.
AND THEN.
we looked at all the scenesters and counted the scenester boys, and that was fun. the opening band, EE, i think, was ok. just... bleh. they only played like 3 songs so i kinda got bored with them.

and then mike park played, and he was such a cutie, it rawked. he talked a lot about politics, and all this shit, it was nice.
and then, by FAR the coolest part of the evening, this poet named SAUL WILLIAMS.

he was fucking awesome! he just got up there and started reciting his poetry and it was just the greatest stuff i had ever heard. he was just... amazing. i wanted to hug him. he talked about politics, and generational differences, and parenting, and just everything that it is possible to talk about. he was this wiry black dude from new york and he was the coolest person ever. he read from his book, Said The Shotgun To The Head, and i would have bought it later if i had had $12 but i fucking didnt so i'll find it at the library later on.

and then cursive played, and rawked my ass pretty hard. i always feel guilty at shows because the people i came to see play last, and by that point my feet and back hurt so fucking bad, i just want to go to sleep. its terrible, i'm so bad at being scene. anyway cursive rocked, and played a pretty short set, which was nice. they have this cute little girl as their cellist, i adored her.

and uh there was this weird pit thing too. it was crazy. i kid you not! at a fucking saddle creek show! called "plea for peace" tour! christ! a PIT. oh well, i guess cursive is kinda punk, in a weird way.

when saul williams was talking, these were these really really really drunk idiot short girls behind us who kept screaming crap at him, and it made me really sad. and then when mike park was talking between songs, he said something about smoking weed in high school, and then after that this idiot gangster kid cheered and screamed for like a full minute, until finally mike was like, "Do you have something to say?" and the kid was like, "no, we just like to smoke some blunts, is all i'm saying!" it was like... fuck you. he just really gave a bad name to potheads and portlanders and basically humans. humans in general.

saul williams said something like isnt it strange how we've become so disoriented, and see ourselves as americans first and humans second? isnt that like seeing yourself as white or black first, and then considering your soul afterwards?

he also said that this is absolutely the most exciting time possible to be alive because for the first time, in the history of america, if all of the college-age voters voted, tehy would single-handedly decide who will be the next president. because there are more of them than there are of ANYONE ELSE.

i'm counting the days until i can vote. i try not to be hopeless. i strive to find new ways to see reality that will not allow me to become discouraged and cynical!
hehe

"i am sensitive to the needs of women, i am... i... uh, oh, OH, TONY, YOU'RE RUINING THE BACON, I CAN SMELL IT BURNING!!!!!!!"

(yah, carlei gets it)

shut out what they say
x 15:12

21.5.04

eating snow flakes with plastic forks,
and a paper plate, of course.
you think of everything.
short love with a long divorce,
and a couple of kids, of course.
they don't mean anything.
live in trailers with no class,
goddamn, i hope i can pass high school.
it means nothing.
taking heartache with hard work,
goddamn, i am such a jerk,
i can't do anything.
and I shout that you're all fakes,
and you should have seen the look on your face.
and I guess that's what it takes,
when comparing your bellyaches.
and it's been a long time,
which agrees with this watch of mine.
and i guess that i miss you,
and i'm sorry if i dissed you.

(MM 'gin)

shut out what they say
x 17:19

cursive! w00t!

current mood: happy
current music: talking shit about a pretty sunset- modest mouse

so... cursive is in a few hours. at 8, at the crystal. so i'll leave here about 5:45, to pick up kelleyster and head on up. she's bringing her digital camera, to take copious ammounts of pictures. i'm bringing my polaroid, to take ONE picture, for
http://viki0.blogspot.com

i went in and talked to mr trolan today, one of the councelors, and also the sponsor of our peace club thing. i asked him about graduating early. he told me this:

1) if you graduate early, you cant get a DHS diploma, but that doesnt really matter because you get a high school degree from chemeketa anyway.
2) all i have to do is
- finish this year
- get through junior year
- get two letters of reccomendation from teachers saying that i am mature enough to leave early (which is perfectly easy, 4 teachers already promised they would)
- over the course of the summer and also junior year, take:
1/2 credit of Health
1/2 credit of American Goverment
1 credit of PE
and
1 credit of Economics.
i WOULD have to take one year of computers, but no, if i take broadcasting next year i dont have to.
so next year i have to take:
broadcasting (1 year)
newspaper (1 year)
advanced drama (1 semester)
all the art classes and art independant studies I can possibly take.
A.P. history
A.P english
and then i can graduate one whole fucking year early! i think they let me walk in the DHS ceremony, even if i dont actually graduate there, but whatever, it doesnt really matter if they dont. its just a fucking ceremony. i'll wear a stupid little robe and walk down the hallway at home and have mom take pictures so i can tell everyone that i DID graduate at DHS.

anyway so i've been thinking a lot about what i'm going to do after hi sk00l, since next year i'll technically be a senior, and so... uh. i dont know.
i'd like to get a job, so i can get some fucking money.
and then i'd like to go somewhere! rosie and i were talking about how cool it would be to go to europe or maybe like, indonesia, for a while, like a month or so. i think that would be ultra-cool, and sine i'd be taking a year off of sk00ling anyway, that would be really a good thing to do.
and also i need to take a couple college credit art classes at chemekata or something, so that i can get a semi-decent portfolio together, so that i can get accepted to MCAD or CAI or SVA or PNSVA or something like that. i dont know. i'd like to go to college somewhere out of the country, i'd like to go to college in new york or south california, i'd like to go to college in portland or seattle, i'd like to go somewhere that will let me paint pictures on walls and find me big canvases and inspire me to make amazing things and teach me glass blowing and arc welding and some more sophisticated image rendering stuff. please.


i honestly dont know...


let me know if you know what i should do with my future. today i got back my idea journal from mrs day and she had written a clause in the beginning about how if i dont become a professional author she will hate me forever or something. she thinks i'm really really good. she wrote "LOL" on almost all of my pages, too. which was cute. made me smile.

here's what i need to get accomplished soon:
- the timeline project for history
- my two monolouges, memorized for drama
- everything from this semester, learned for algebra, plus some missing work, which i'm hoping brandt does for me, or i can get from heather
- a big speech for environmental, plus some missing work, like one essay

and thats really it. thats the end of my sophmore/junior year. w00t.


i'm pretty stoked for cursive this evening, and shins tomorrow nite, too. i hope geoff isnt too lonely while i'm gone. he always is so sad and bored when i am gone. well he's usually pretty bored when i am here, but i guess its not as bad? he's such a sweetie. a sweetie tweetie. yes. he'll prolly write me like 9 emails which i will read when i get home and they will make me really really happy. he went to aumdiggity with joe after sk00l, so that might be rad. dunno.


<3<3<3<3<3!!!
i <3 getting out of sk00l early! suddenly i'm rachel phillips! yay.

shut out what they say
x 16:56

20.5.04

:)

shut out what they say
x 21:42

viki zero is my hero

current mood: accomplished
current music: styrofoam boots, or, it's all nice on ice, alright?- modest mouse


http:viki0.blogspot.com

finished my mask of nixon today.
i'll put a new picture up on there every day as long as i feel like it, and as long as mom keeps buying me polaroid film, which is ass-expensive.

also i made an appointment to talk to the councelor about graduating early. i really need to leave here. or sk00l at least.
my mom says that we need to start thinking more seriously about college if i'm going to leave early. she doesnt know whether it would be in my best interest to go straight from high sk00l to art sk00l or if i should take a while off, to kind of get a portfolio together that they would accept, and maybe get a job and move out, and take some classes someplace. i dunno. i kinda feel like a fuck-up not going straight to college but it really does sounds nice to NOT go to sk00l for a while.
i need to really think about this pretty soon
i mean i didnt realize that it would sneak up on me like this
its like BOOM all of a sudden
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE
and i cant help but feel a little stressed out about having to decide soon. but hey i've got at least this summer, right? right?

standing in the tall grass, thinking nothing,
you know, we need oxygen to breathe
everytime you think you're walking you're just moving the ground
everytime you think you're talking you're just moving your mouth
everything you think you're looking you're just looking down


i promised myself that i would do my drama homework tonite but instead of doing that, i set up my photo blog instead. theres still something wrong with the comments. whatever. i need a digital camera so i can stop spending money altogether.

shut out what they say
x 21:26

19.5.04

stuck in sk00l

current mood: lucid
current music: the difference in the shades- bright eyes

now that its june, we'll sleep out in the garden,
and if it rains, we'll just sink into the mud,
where it is quiet, and much cooler than the house is,
and theres no clocks or phones to wake us up.
cuz i have learned that nothing is as pressing,
as the one who's pressing would like you believe.
and i'm content to walk a little slower,
because theres nowhere that i really need to be.
and i find that life is easier when its just a blur,
with no details to confuse, who or what or where i was,
so when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure.
but these are days we dream about, when the sunlight paints us gold!
and this apartment could not be prettier, as we dance up there alone!
and this tvs old, the colours fucked, you see the difference in the shades!
but the green still glows to green, my love, and i believe we are the same,
o, stay like this, all gold and green, light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen.
and if you close your eyes we will always be, the way we were that night you crawled inside of me,
and slept in my blood, the way you sleep now.
quietest touch has consumed this house.
and when the doctors have gone, and you sweat through the bed,
with the pictures and pills that pile around your head,
just rest now.
and in a moment you'll know everything,
was it all a dream? its too vague now to recall.
an outline of the one you loved, in a life that was, that no longer will be,
stands above you as you sleep.


i need to move out NOW
i need to have time to walk to sk00l
and do delicate little watercolours of daisies
and sometimes stop and think
and rent movies and be poor as dirt and cut and glue paper together
NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW
i demand that high sk00l end NOW NOW NOW
FUCKING RIGHT NOW.

*waits*
*counts days*

shut out what they say
x 22:33

these legs like arms

these legs like arms
these arms like legs
will carry me fragile across the wooden floor
to the door with the peeling paint frame
creeping silent like a naked spider
pink and
brown and
breathless and
wide-eyed and
perfect in its
innocent and genuine appreciation
someday i promise we'll wake up early
and sit on the roof
and watch the sun rise
and i'll sell my secrets for nothing in the soft misty glow
take polaroids of ghosts and daisies
and hold you closer than the cold can
with these arms like legs
these legs like arms

shut out what they say
x 21:58

i am ever so insensitive and mocking

current mood: bored
current music: the sweater song- weezer

Today was really tiring.
I got out of bed early, but convinced my mom to let me sleep in

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! I'm so ugly. Don't look at my photos pleeeeeze.

I want to say thanks to my dad for giving me my own computer and digital camera. Here's a photo of my room. The weather in Ontario is cold. I have nothing more to say.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you next week's lottery numbers.

(orginal thoughts!)

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this poem I wrote. It's about my friend Robert, who has bipolar disorder. Just like me. And Heidi.

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shut out what they say
x 21:08

THIS PLANE IS DEFINATLY CRASHING

current mood: hyper
current music: shit luck- modest mouse

I WANNA PLAY IN A BAND
i wanna dress and act and smile and jump around like KAREN O
and make music that sounds like THE UNICORNS and LE TIGRE and MODEST MOUSE
not just because those are my favourite bands, but also because i think it would be really fun and interesting to write music like that.

would that be ok with you?
if only i was musically talented. if only i could sing, and not suck. meh. i have a few years before i get to move to new york and do exciting things, so... i guess maybe i'll get more indie before then.

i should start writing songs or something. you know?

i'm gonna get a kitten soon. i was thinking of a long haired orange and white baby kitty. if it was a girl, i was thinking of naming it Yoshimi. if it was a boy, i was thinking of naming it Cowboy Dan. any other ideas for names? or types of kitten, even?

"Well, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene,
He goes to the reservation, drinks and gets mean.
He's gonna start a war.
He hops in his pickup, puts the pedal to the floor,
And says "I got mine but I want more".
Because, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene,
He goes to the reservation, drinks and gets mean.
He goes to the desert, fires his rifle in the sky,
And says, "God, if I have to die, you will have to die"
Because, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene.
I didn't move to the city, the city moved to me,
And I want. out. desperately.
Can't do it, not even if sober,
Can't get that engine turned over.
Can't do it, not even if sober,
Can't get that engine turned over.
No, no, not even if sober,
Can't get that engine turned over.
Standing in the tall grass,
Thinking nothing,
You know we need oxygen to breathe, oxygen to breathe,
Everytime you think you're walking, you're just moving the ground.
Everytime you think you're talking, you're just moving your mouth.
Everytime you think you're looking, you're just looking down.
Well, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene,
He goes to the reservation, drinks and gets mean.
He hops in his pickup, puts the pedal to the floor,
And says "I got mine but I want more".
Cause, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene,
He goes to the reservation, drinks and gets mean.
He goes to the desert, fires his rifle in the sky,
And says, "God, if I have to die you will have to die"
Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene,
He goes the the reservation, drinks and gets mean.
I didn't move to the city, the city moved to me.
And I want. out. desperately.
Can't do it, not even if sober,
Can't get that engine turned over.

shut out what they say
x 17:57

18.5.04

like the bird that you cant see

current mood: happy and full of potato chips!
current music: bird that you cant see- apples in stereo

ye-haw!
i'm gonna have to start getting up earlier at some point.
i talked to Tiana today, trav's new buddy homy G from group therapy group therapy group therapy. she seems nice enough. *rates personalitty mentally* ok, yes, appropved. yes.

man, i hate it when i dont read scarygoround for like 4 days and i come back and theres like 19 buhjillion damned comics there that i havent read. i do the same thing with achewood but its not as bad because achewood loads fast. apparently john allison sees it absolutely necessary to have like 18 graphics on his page, that have to reload EVERY TIME for some damned reason. grar. but still, good comics, good comics.


i am full of POTATO CHIPS

i have so much finals projects coming up soon. i will have to reserve, i think, weekend after next, for doing finals projects. i would do this weekend but this weekend is CURSIVE and THE SHINS. on the finals projects weekends, here is what i must acheive:
english- one or two make-up reflections, easy, and also a ... something. dammit, i already fucking forgot what we have to present. whutevah.
and then in ART: nothing, really. my richard nixon mask is fucking sweet.
history: some huge project with heather, a timeline
algebra: i cant do much until i get the review packet which i'll get the week before finals... unless i do the 13 assignments i'm missing
drama- have to write a resume and memorize to monolouges- one dramatic, one funny, and they CAN be songs, so i would sing if i could sing. but i cant. i dunno. i might.
science- big fucking speech

also: i like potato chips

shut out what they say
x 17:34

17.5.04

indie rock daydream

current mood: incredably happy
current music: sebadoh- gimme indie rock

and now... my second lyrics-led post of the day.

"Rock and roll,
Saturday night,
people watching me play,
but we're playing at the YMCA.
we've danced on stages from Spain to Tokyo,
and we've slept on the floors of the world.

these are the days that I will remember.
these are the days that I will remember.
the wide eyed moments of an indie rock daydream,
soon enough, this'll all be gone.

Pretty girl smiling at me, I'm smiling myself,
but she's leaving with somebody else.
I don't care if things never change,
cause at this point success would seem strange.

these are the days that I will remember,
these are the days that I will remember,
the wide eyed moments of an indie rock daydream,
soon enough, this'll all be gone."



bearing that in mind, those lyrics are pretty appropraite. tonite was so... ah, wistful i think is the word. it was the hammies, which ends with the big farewell to all the graduating seniors, a lot of whom are my really good pals. so it was sort of sad. i got a little teary-eyed.
but before that moment of melodrama, we got to preform improv for the judges, which RAWKED HARD because...
my groups kicked.
first we did a skit revolving around a hubcap, and it was the magical orb that odysseus had to steal from the sirens, and we ended with it being an opera! it rules.
and then the second round, we did a cross of spiderman and freinds, or Freindsman! it rules, because i was rachel, and i've never seen freinds before but i guess i kind of pulled it off? yes? maybe?
anyway so my prize was a pair of pompoms. everyone in the group got one.
and then i also got called up on stage to be Cast and Crew Choice for the Intermediate Theatre Children's Play... yay! i got a certificate and got to take a bow and it kicked.



uh.
these are the moments that i will remember. they really are. thanks, everybody. *sniffles*

shut out what they say
x 22:00

such great heights

current mood: anxious
current music: such great heights- iron and wine

i
am thinking its a sign
that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
and i
have to speculate
that god himself did make us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle peices from the clay
and true
that may seem like a stretch
but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away
when i am missing you to death
when
you're out there on the road, for several weeks of shows,
and when you scan the radio,
i hope this song will guide you home.
they will see us waving from such great heights.
"come down now", they'll say.
but everything looks perfect from far away.
"come down now", but we'll stay.
i
tried my best to leave
this song on your machine
but the persistant beeping sounded thin upon this end
and that
frankly will not fly
you'll hear the shrillest highs and lowest lows
with the windows down
when this is guiding you home
they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now", they'll say.
but everything looks perfect from far away.
"come down now", but we'll stay.


hammies tonite! my groups is RED:
ben stephenson
sara taylor
kevin nason
shane whats-his-face
and ME.
we should pretty much kick, because some of the other groups suck a huge butt. well not all of them. i dont know. we'll do ok as long as our prompt isnt something horrible. we'll prolly get a prop and we'll have to use it some way in a scene and it will turn into a horrible choreographed musical number and i'll sing and everyone will like it because i am always off-key and it makes the judges laugh and i am good at being a fool. geoff can't come because of his damned headlights but some other people should be there, so thats cool.

*stares at you* why arent you at the hammies, watching me have fun, you bastid?
anyway...
uh...
that's all, really. nothing happened at sk00l today. joe and i decided that if he says "muddin" travis has to take off his shirt, put a lunchbox on his head, stand on the table and do a sexy dance with hula hoops. yes. it would be sexy sexy sexy.

intruigingly enough several other girls offered to do the same, but joe was most intruiged by the sound of travis doing it. T-Money.

oh and another thing i did today
rapped JayZ in front of my english class
man... that was some... something... times. oh, yes. i think everyone hates me now. :( but not much




man i am hyper. i'm gonna go find me some espresso beans sheit.

shut out what they say
x 17:17

16.5.04

whats yer name whats yer number

current mood: sleepy and hyper... how does THAT work out?
current music: nothing


rosie is here
today we:
walked to joe montez' house (abandoned, since the social workers took him away for being crazy, due to his son killing himself 10 yrs ago) and due thru some stuff outside... found some canned food that he'd been, evidently, living off for 10 yrs. hand-canned, in Bell jars... yuch. pickles and beets and shit like that. uhm we also found the student ID card of the son, and his stamp collection from foreign countries, and took it with us. and we are convinced there is a dead body under the house or something. we picked a rose.
we made a jesus/satan light-up fiber-optic squid altar for him.
we watched practical magic and ever after (a tradition which only carlei understands the true significance of) and... uh... whined. about boys.
and THEN:
i came online and talked to geoff! who was NOT drunk!

oh i forgot to mention, we ate muffins without washing our hands after digging thru joe's shit with dirt and mice shit all over it. nice, huh? we're prolly gonna die of rabies. i felt so fucking stupid afterwards... i was like, "oh, shit, maybe we should have washed our hands!" *gagging sounds from both parties*

good times.
TOMOORROORRROW is the sk00ling
and the hammies
i would not go to the sk00ling if it werent for the hammies



soon we will go to the beeeeeeeeeeeeeach and require that sexy boys wear no shirts
behold: it is law!
an ordinance passed by the supreme beings!
a decree from above!
(sorry, i'm tired)

shut out what they say
x 23:55

15.5.04

nothing like a song

current mood: sad
current music: nothing like a song- azure ray


you didn't say the words i would have said,
you couldn't help the doubt that filled your head.
it's just an ordinary try.
we learn to live, we live to die.
just accept, and don't ask why.
my lips, the form a crooked smile
giving a sign of no reply,
and when you wake up freezing in a room dark and empty,
well, just keep singing along.
i'm not what you write in your books, you know, i'm nothing like a song.
and will you answer me? i already know.
i asked you to answer, but i already know.
and can you come back home? you already know.
you don't ask, because you already know.
it's an unfamiliar song,
you said you'd like to sing along,
but you couldn't change the key.
i can't sing it doesn't suit me.
when i wake up freezing but know, half believing,
it was this i feared,
because it's not just the words that you whispered in my ear.
and will you answer me? i already know.
i asked you to answer, but i already know.
and can you come back home? you already know.
you don't ask, because you already know.
will you come back home?


i am sad today.
i posted two new things in my scrapbook on DA. go check that shit out. i think i will draw with this pen more often, i am a huge fan of it.

shut out what they say
x 22:36

i am a poor and a wretched boy

current mood: blech
current music: chimney sweep- the decemberists

i guess i had better go clean now

shut out what they say
x 15:46

current mood: kingly
current music: los angeles, i'm yours- the decemberists

http://www.qwantz.com/20040513.html

i want to go back in time and set it up so i become king!

lately i've been in a kind of mood where i really want to draw. if i would hurry up and get the goddamned bathroom clean i could just sit here and draw for the rest of the day. but feh i'm too lazy to clean my bathroom... and i would feel guilty if i drew first. i want to... do something

i want to go back in time and set it up so i become king!

shut out what they say
x 15:36

current mood: otay
current music: the decemberists- billy liar

i just got out of the shower, and there seems to be nothing to do today but play with the cat and clean the house. prrrrt, that's ok with me. i am hell-bent on doing nothing this weekend.

my kitty is sad. malachi. my other kitty, gadget, dissapeared two weeks ago (for those of you who dont know, we live in the boonies so that means she prolly got eaten by a bobcat) and he has been moping around looking for her ever since. she was kind of a bitchy cat, so i'm not devastated. don't get me wrong, she was a sweet cat and she tried her best, but she had a nasty habit of, you know, hating me and beating the shit out of malachi and being mean and bratty and obese. but she was still a good girl and she did not deserve to be eaten, and she was the only other cat malachi had ever known, so now he is lonely and bored.

we will get a kitten soon. i think, prolly when sk00l gets out, because the week after sk00l gets out i have to get my wisdom teeth out, so i will have time to stay home and play with a kitten. but in the meantime malachi is very sad. there is nothing worse than a depressed cat. he is just laying here on the table next to computer, where it's warm, and staring out the window towards the pond. he's been doing that for like 4 hours now. its kind of weird. poor big kitty boy.

uhm sooo....
my cousin ruby has a birthday soon so i might have to go up to portland and seeeeee whats up up there! that would rawk my house! i love ruby and her family, and i hear that she will invite some rad people from her OTHER side of the family, which is always fun, so i hope they do that.

the shins- soon
cursive- sooner
the unicorns new album- i dont have it yet, buy it for me?

shut out what they say
x 13:28

current mood: lazy
current music: pay for the piano- dismemberment plan



http://www.ohgodlifesucks.com/theunicorns
this is eerie
this is EXACTLY what i was going to make my journal look like, until i decided on the iron and wine one
weird weird weird. complete with the hand-drawn look and the unicorns picture. i was even going to call it Unicorns Are People Too
but... i like iron and wine
and also i wasnt going to just have a blog anout the unicorns touring
but meh

shut out what they say
x 11:49

14.5.04

couldnt figure out what made you so unhappy
shook your head to say no no no
then stopped for a spell and stayed that way
oh well
okay





if you get a feeling it's time you see me
do me a favour and let me know
cuz its hard to tell
its hard to say
oh well
okay

shut out what they say
x 21:52

current mood: otay
current music: passing afternoon- iron and wine
so i did this new layout type dealy, and i hope you all like it. it really only took a couple of hours. i snatched the opaqueness stuff from one person, and frame 2 from another, but the rest is mine-o. blorg.
uhmmm i was originally going to put a background behind this, i was hoping for some really old beat-up linen with frayed edges at the edge of the page, but i cant find anything i really like and all the tiled backgrounds look fake and silly. also: i'm already kind of graphics reliant, so i would like this page to retain some semblance of order should my graphics host shoot itself in the foot. or something.
i just fixed some of the links, too... if you feel that you should be included in them, drop me a line, i prolly forgot some stuff. i meant to link more webcomics, initially, but i felt really bad linking stuff like qwantz and QC in the text of such a melancholy song. so consider this your standing link to the silly stuff i like.
www.achewood.com
www.dieselsweeties.com
www.qwantz.com
www.questionablecontent.net
www.wigu.com
www.whiteninjacomics.com
www.elftor.com
www.nothingnice.com
www.scarygoround.com
www.toothpastefordinner.com
www.lickmyjesus.com
www.yellow5.com/pokey/
www.bottomlesspop.com
www.evilspacerobot.com


bitch! thats really all i have to say, man. i'll uh prolly be back on later tonite, so y'all can talk to me then. also i'm gonna upload some drawings 3rd - 5th graders made of me in my pirate costume- they are pretty fucking sweet. i couldnt bear to throw any of them away. there's this one, by a girl named hailey- oh man, i'll let you see it yourself when i put it up.

shut out what they say
x 19:12

current mood: otay
current music: passing afternoon- iron and wine
so i did this new layout type dealy, and i hope you all like it. it really only took a couple of hours. i snatched the opaqueness stuff from one person, and frame 2 from another, but the rest is mine-o. blorg.
uhmmm i was originally going to put a background behind this, i was hoping for some really old beat-up linen with frayed edges at the edge of the page, but i cant find anything i really like and all the tiled backgrounds look fake and silly. also: i'm already kind of graphics reliant, so i would like this page to retain some semblance of order should my graphics host shoot itself in the foot. or something.
i just fixed some of the links, too... if you feel that you should be included in them, drop me a line, i prolly forgot some stuff. i meant to link more webcomics, initially, but i felt really bad linking stuff like qwantz and QC in the text of such a melancholy song. so consider this your standing link to the silly stuff i like.
www.achewood.com
www.dieselsweeties.com
www.qwantz.com
www.questionablecontent.net
www.wigu.com
www.whiteninjacomics.com
www.elftor.com
www.nothingnice.com
www.scarygoround.com
www.toothpastefordinner.com
www.lickmyjesus.com
www.yellow5.com/pokey/
www.bottomlesspop.com
www.evilspacerobot.com


bitch! thats really all i have to say, man. i'll uh prolly be back on later tonite, so y'all can talk to me then. also i'm gonna upload some drawings 3rd - 5th graders made of me in my pirate costume- they are pretty fucking sweet. i couldnt bear to throw any of them away. there's this one, by a girl named hailey- oh man, i'll let you see it yourself when i put it up.

shut out what they say
x 19:12

current mood: bored
current music: whatever the fucks across the room are listening to- i think its good charolette or something like that.
this keyboard is weird.
i'm in science, in the computer lab with a crazy-ass computer, and i'm trying to look like i'm doing something officially sanctioned and relevant to my essay on "fire as a forest management tool" or whatever.
rosie is sitting next to me.
<------------ this is rosie
travis is also sitting next to me
this is travis ------------>

wasnt that helpful?
god, i am sucha fuck sometimes. so today is friday, which is FUCKING AWESOME because i am so tired of skool. rosie is coming over this weekend and we're going to do some random stuff, we're not so sure what, but we'll think of something. call owls, when high! yes, go out in the woods and CALL OWLS.
sounds like good times.
geof, buy me weed. i'll give you money. :)

anyway... uh so how many minutes until the end of sk00l? (i just looked all over the room for a clock before remembering that i am, in fact, writing this on a computer. it is 2:57. sk00l gets out at 3:15. i have blood on my fingers. i dont know why. rosie just pointed out that i type weird, like, with only three fingers or something. i dont know... i never really watched. now that i'm paying attention to it, it seems really weird and its kind of hard to do. whoops. shit. dammit. mothershitass.

"that would be weird if people kept growing back, like a tree? thats be pretty freaky stuff. like if they kept growing back, out of the ashes? sounds like a really bad horror movie" -rosie, just now
see how relevant our conversations are to the work at hand?
so lets see. what happened today that i can talk about. uhm. uhhhh um...

DAMMIT. nothing happened.
i kinda want to talk about something with brandt and aurora and people like that, but i cant, really, because brandt reads this journal. *stares at brandt* ... uh...

fuck.

shut out what they say
x 14:41

12.5.04

current mood: mmm naked-y!
current music: poor places- wilco

http://optimiss.blogspot.com/ everybody go check that crazy mutha out right now. list of cool reasons why:
1) attended coachella
2) randomly found my blog
3) plays in band, gets speeding ticket
4) word "kitty" in screenname
5) on my buddy list (and in my "people i like" list, at that!)


so what did i do today. ugh thats a damn good question for which i would like to have a damn good answer. i got up an hour earlier than i needed to. i had a consultation today in salem but mom got the time wrong SOOO i went in an hour early! meh.

me: so will it hurt a lot?
doctor: well, you'll be asleep during the surgery, but afterwards you will experience some initial pain, yes.
me: will you give me something for it?
doctor: oh! of COURSE! here, let me make you a prescription for vicodin.
me: (incredulous voice) vicodin?
doctor: not strong enough?
me: uh... no, thats fine, go with that
doctor: well, its generic vicodin, which is a little stronger. i'll give you an open prescription now, so you can have it on hand, ok?
me: uh... ok!


dude so now i have like 6obillion mgs of vicodin. what for, i'm not sure. i cant think of anything interesting to do with antibacterial mouthwash or nausea medication, or else i would tell you about that, too.

so after that, i went to skool, and did some random shit. in drama we have to practice for the hammies (which are like the grammies, an awards show for graduating seniors) and we have to preform improv during the intermission. lord, lord, lord. what an amazingly good oportunity to emberass myself. no no no, it will be fun. yes.

an awesome environmentalist guy talked to us today in science! he rawked my house so hard. he was responsible for all those lawsuits about the spotted owl, to protect it... he says hes been burned in effigy twice and if he came to our school 15 years ago in dallas, there would have been logging trucks circling the block to protest his very presense.

after skool i went to guitar. which made me feel good because i kick ass at playing Debaser by the Pixies. SPEAKING OF THE FUCKING PIXIES:
they're playing bend
weeeeeee should go!
its in september, i want to go so bad, oh lord

oh and then... i found an article in newsweek about coachella and how indie rock is so awesome lately, and it made me sad and happy all at the same time. there was this awesome photo of wayne coyne in a giant plastic ball, walking on the audience- it really made me smile. a lot.

geoff came with me to buy a dress, which was sweet of him. hes such a cutie patootie. i think i will keep him. we have court tomorrow and then my induction to NHS. when i paid my dues for NHS the lady in the office was such an incredable bitch to me
she said:
"dont get smart with me!"
i should have said:
"i'm paying to be in NHS, ma'am, so i feel that i am entitled to get smart"
but instead i said:
"oh... kay...?"
anyway theres a candle-lit ceremony for which we have to wear robes and shit. it sounds fucking stupid but whatever. i'll do it and then theres, like, an ice-cream social or something afterwards.

WHEEELA. dude, i died my hair black today.
geoff had a nasty WORM on his computer but he got rid of it. ewwwww. we had a nasty worm too but got rid of that, as well!
just in case you're wondering what i've been up to in the past week, go to my DA account and look in my scrapbook. see that oooonnnneee drawing? yah, thats what i did this week. ONNNNNE shitty painting of a girl with a horn. and its not even good enough to be put in my gallery, just in my scrapbook. fuck, i suck at life sometimes. sometimes i dont think i ever do anything constructive


... i like geoff.

shut out what they say
x 22:10

9.5.04

current mood: blech (again)
current music: tool schizm


whoa holy shit

shut out what they say
x 18:18

current mood: blech
current music: nothing


i like this profile feature dealy! it rawks my house! go set up yers so that the location thing works! sheit!

shut out what they say
x 18:08

8.5.04

current mood: silly
current music: orestes- a perfect circle

being too lazy and busy to update is so cool right now. i know, i know, its been like a WEEK since i promised y'all two things:
a review of hanging out at the beach
a review of seeing BK and DCFC
oh and now i can add on
a review of my children's play!
but right now i'm so ultra-lazy, you dont even understand. i cleaned my room today and learned to play Californication.
so instead of a REALL update, here is a list of thoughts on each of those subects (mrs day would be proud)
-beach-
W00T
sea lions man are so loud
but not as loud as the girl on the payphone
sand sticks in the lotion on my legs
BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT pull your hair back
better get home soon
-BK and DCFC-
brian! and his girlfreind! right over there!
(we couldnt find the entrance at first)
katie! right over there!...why is she prettier than me now? shit!
new shirt. its dark.
MY FEET HURTS OH MY LORD.
carridehomezzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-play-
.... hurry! wheres my sword! have you seen my shirt? augh!
freckles (dry erase marker)
... do i go first? is it time to go yet!
HI! (kids wave and say "hi" back) (i am disconcerted)
bow
yay!



so thats pretty much all. i really want to go take a bath because it sounds nice and i am tired and i want to get to bed early tonite. finals are going to suck this year.
impromptu speeh in english
dunno what in art
huge test in history
huge test in math
memorize monolouges, also impromptu stuff at the hammies, emberass self in front of skool
huge test in science
gotta go bye

shut out what they say
x 21:36

6.5.04

current mood: weird and hyper
current music: family tree- ben kweller

ben kweller kicked my whole, entire ass last night! every little tiny bit of it! (and there is a lot to kick)
death cab also kicked my ass, but seeing as my ass had already been kicked by ben, the opening act, it was unnecessary and mildly painful.
but meh. all in all a hell of an awesome night. i'll write a full report when i get home from skool- i hafta go do the traditional "day of skool after concert" gig, meaning show up 3 periods late in a new tshirt with half my hearing shot. wheee. oh, and give kelley her camera back. i took picture for her, and its this rad little digital, so i'll stick some new ones up on my DA art when she gets them into her computa.

shut out what they say
x 11:18

4.5.04

current mood: hehehe
current music: elliott smith- in the lost and found


I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus from Fetusmart!
Hooray fetus!


I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus from Fetusmart!
Hooray fetus!

tomorrow:
skool
guitar
go home, change into indie costume
death cab and ben kweller
(SEE KATIE AND (katie's friends) AND BRIAN!)
day after:
skool
court with geoff
be sad when he gets sentances
(Criminal Mischeif II- maximum sentance is a 5000 dollar fine and one year in prison)
etc!
day after:
show at "the nightingale" (otherwise knows as the teen center)
hubcap annie (see brian again)
and our very own, dearly-beloved
BPA!!!!
w00t!
... hey, whats the hardest part about playing in BPA?
telling yer parents that yer gay.


saw a fight in skool today. it was so fucking stupid. i hate high skoolers. if you will scuse me, i hafta go look for piratey stuff, like flags and hats and swords, to take to drama for the children's play. we're playing for a full house of 3rd graders on friday and no one knows their lines but me! wheeeeeee good times.

i get to wear my hair in pig tales and have lipstick freckles and this HUGE pink tshirt. its rad.

shut out what they say
x 18:40

2.5.04

current mood: shut up
current music: nothing

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom there lived a girl named Cell Phone. Now, Cell Phone was this little girl, who lived in this magical kingdom, and it was rad … She liked to go swimming with her incestuous family and also she liked to listen to Cat Power. She also had this incredibly rad boyfriend named phone. Note: This girl bears no resemblance to Elizabeth, and her boyfriend bears no resemblance to Geoff, and the main difference is that Elizabeth's family does not like to have sex with other members of … itself. Or something.
One day, cell phone caught a cold, and her boyfriend phone was very sad because of this, but they constantly kissed anyway. They weighed their options, pros and cons, and decided that their best course of action would be to get terminally addicted to heroin. The pros far outweighed the cons, because with heroin on their side, they were able to write and speak better than ever. They also would be able to defeat the dread dragon Fart-lettuce, so who harassing their kingdom.
But heroin seemed to be too easy, in defeating this dread dragon, fart-lettuce, so this dread dragon developed an immunity to it's foes using heroin.
Suddenly, Lou Reed arrived on the scene, clutching his mirrored shades and George Foreman grill.
THE END.


(geoff and i wrote alternating sentances)

shut out what they say
x 20:47

current mood: ergh
current music: nothing

as if this day did not suck enough already
remember how i messed with my report card so that it said i only had a C in algebra instead of the F that i actually had?
well my mom got a "corrected" version the other day, because crom had entered my grade wrong
and it showed my CORRECT grade in algebra, as an F, with a "points missing from absences" and a "contact this teacher immediatly"
*sigh*
i mean, i can fix it. mom agreed that she wouldnt go in and talk to kazaa if i can get her to email mom, or call her or write her a letter or something. so i might abase myself to create a fake email address or something. how lame is THAT?
but i think my mom understands that its humiliating for me to have her go talk to teachers
which is conveniant because if she DID talk to kazaa, kazaa would prolly happen to mention "gee, why has yer daughter been absent from my class for the past two weeks?"
you know how it goes
but i will get my grade up in that clas. i know i can. brandt IS going to do my homework. very very soon. right, brandt? *stares at brandt*

ugh. so i didnt cry. normally when i get my grades i am a snivelling mess, but this time i was rational so that was ok.

i love geoff very much. my mom says we can pick him up when we go into corvallis to 1st alternative or whatever that place is, so that will be ok i guess.

and i will somehow magically get around my mom talking to kazaa. yes.

whoooo. *breathes out* i hate life. and more than life, i hate algebra.

shut out what they say
x 11:52

current mood: depressed
current music: nothing

god, today sucks already and its only 11:30. i wake up early, take a shower, wanting to do something (ANYTHING) to get out of the house because i know that if i stay in the house all day, i will just fight with my mom and dad and have an awful day and it will ruin the whole weekend. good times. the prollem is that
1) there is NOTHING TO DO IN THIS ENTIRE STATE
2) even if there was, geoff and i couldnt get there because gas prices are so fucking high
3) my parents are bastards and they dont care that i hate it here.
(god i'm such a teenager)
anyway so geoff and i try to figure out what to do and he just wants to hang out in dallas. i say no, fuck that, thats so BORING! you know? its almost worse than just hanging out at home all day. almost.
and so i ask my mom what to do and shes like, "elizabeth i'm not interested in thinking of ways to keep you entertained out of the house today! you played and had fun all day yesterday! now, i want you to go downstairs and get some rags and the windex, and carefully clean bla bla bla" and i say, "dude, mom, i'm trying to ask you what i can do today to get out of the house where it's incredably depressing and i hate it a whole lot, and your sollution is to give me housewife jobs? what the hell?" so she flips out on me, telling me that i'm ungreatful and i never do anything to help this family and all i want to do is have fun all the time and i dont care about anything but myself
which is not true. i care about geoff.
blarg.
i am going crrrrazy. so now i'm stuck in the house practically ALL DAY. geoff is driving derrick into dallas so that they can see adrian (their brutha) before he leaves, and he'll call me back when he gets into dallas. which is making me sad because when he gets there, i know it, he'll say, like, "did you think of anything we can do today?"
and i'll be like,
"no... goddammit" and just start crying because i am an incredably spoiled little wretch.

geoff has new shoes but he had to buy them at Zumiez (ergh) because Ozone closed, like, yesterday. fuckers.

i think i'm gonna go listen to some loud angry music or something. i dont know. maybe i'll get mom to take geoff and me with her into corvallis when she goes, to go to some gardening place or whatever the hell. ARGH I HATE THIS.

my mom is upstairs being cheerful and talking to the cat. fuck .

shut out what they say
x 11:25

current mood: bored
current music: expectations- belle and sebastian

yesterday was some good times. are you ready for a review? i thought you might be.
so i woke up, cleaning my office and my bathroom (shut up geoff) and then cleaned the office AGAIN because mum said i hadnt been so much cleaning as re-arranging. which is true, i guess, but it looked fine to me. feh.
anyway so then i went in to dallas and got dropped off at geoffs. got my ankles bit by those goddamned dogs. goddamned dogs! i hate fucking chihuahuas! they suck so hard! anyway...
so then geoff and i climbed in the car and headed off fer the beach. on the way: Sha Sha, Chutes Too Narrow and Franz Ferdinand. good times.

and then we found some damned PANCAKES. those pancakes ruled, i ate like six of them in about two minutes. grar. more pancakes than any human is intended to eat, but i was damn hungry.
and then we went to the beach and messed around there for a bit. that was cool... i found some cool seashells and kept them in geoffs car. we took off our shoes and got our feet cold and sandy and my legs got tan because i was wearing shorts.

and then we went down to newport and fucked around there, and then we came back... i kinda got bored with writing this. i think i'll just put down some lyrics and sum up the rest of the day
1) geoff sold his unused playstation to his bruthu
2) we hung out on playgrouns at night and got scared by hicks
3) i love geoff a whole lot

Monday morning wake up knowing that you’ve got to go to school
Tell your mum what to expect, she says it’s right out of the blue
Do you went to work in debenham’s, because that’s what they expect
Start in lingerie, and doris is your supervisor

And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start
For careers you say you went to be remembered for your art
Your obsessions get you known throughout the school for being strange
Making life-size models of the velvet underground in clay

In the queue for lunch they take the piss, you’ve got no appetite
And the rumour is you never go with boys and you are tight
So they jab you with a fork, you drop the tray and go berserk
While your cleaning up the mess the teacher’s looking up your skirt

You’ve been used, you’re confused
Write a song, I’ll sing along
Are you calm? settle down
Soon you will know that you are sane
You’re on top of the world again

Monday morning wake up knowing that you’ve got to go to school
Mum said she had little choice when she was young, so why should you?
Do you went to work in C and A, ’cause that’s what they expect
Move to ladieswear and take a feel off joe the storeman

Tell veronica the secrets of the boy you never kissed
She’s got everything to gain ’cause she’s a fat girl with a lisp
She sticks up for you when you get aggravation from the snobs
’cause you can’t afford a blazer, girl, you’re always wearing clogs

At the interval you lock yourself away inside a room
Heed of english gets you, asks you, "what the hell do you think you’re doing?
Do you think you’re better then the other kids? Well, get outside."
You’ve got permission, but you’ve got to make the bastard think he’s right

shut out what they say
x 11:18

30.4.04

current mood: hello
current music: we looked like giants- death cab for cutie

God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime,
Remembering when you were mine in a still suburban town.
When every Thursday, I'd brave those mountain passes,
And you'd skip your early classes, and we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations,
I've become what I always hated when I was with you then.
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact.
Fumbling to make contact as the others slept inside.
And together there. in a shroud of frost, the mountain air.
Began to pass through every pane of weathered glass.
And I held you closer than anyone would ever get.
Remember the J.A.M.C. and reading aloud from magazines...
I don't know about you, but I swear on my name they could smell it on me.
But I've never been to good with secrets... ohh...
Oh, together there, in a shroud of frost, the mountain air,
Began to pass through every pane of weathered glass.
And I held you closer.






tomorrow i am going to lincoln city with geoff to mess around and eat food and make out on the beach. it will be GOOD TIMES.

and car and van: yer both wrong. jared dying did NOT fuck up my "relationship thingee". the hell?

shut out what they say
x 23:32

ok.
*clears throat*


"It's BIKINI TIME!! Do you know where yours is?

Life passes you by if you sit around thinking "What if?", instead say "WHY NOT!"

Do you want to have fun? Do things, see places, explore all of our desires and each other?

I'm wondering why I don't have someone to do these things with RIGHT NOW?Perhaps it's because you have yet to write me and introduce yourself!DO IT NOW... WHY NOT!

There are no absolutes in life, but consider some of these characteristics and desires: tall, good looking, longhaired, smooth or mostly so, passionate, cutie pie, cup cake, someone who makes me melt when I gaze in his eyes, someone who laughs, someone who feels, someone active, maybe even radioactive, someone creative, a silly boi, an energetic dude, how about energetically passionate, a dynamo, snuggle bunny, a hopeless romantic, a boi scout, an explorer, bold, brave, sincere, loves to kiss, really loves to kiss ME before DURING and after (you know), loves togetherness, loves working together, wants the real deal, a lover, enjoys movies, dances, romances,... Okay, OKAY, enough, enough...

WHY WHY WHY are you still reading these words and not writing to me RIGHT NOW? Or perhaps you have already enjoyed everything fun, sweet and special that life has to offer? I haven't, I've done a lot, but there is ALWAYS MORE!!

So get your heart pounding, jump start it, rev it up into hyperdrive. Start your fingers flying on that keyboard and write me, woo me, pursue me, impress me, romance me. Win my heart and you will never regret it! Or just sit there, belch and get another brewski. Live or vegetate and get old, your call! Vote for living life! You do remember how to live, right?

So, you sexy stud, come join me NOW in my bikini... WHY NOT! "

*falls down laughing*
http://www.rdrop.com/~dognut/a_barefootlh.html

oh, he's a beast, that barefoot longhair. i want him. i want him baaaaadd.

shut out what they say
x 23:06

current mood:
current music:

http://www.rdrop.com/~dognut/old_gay_longhair.html

wow
i am so bored
i spent like an hour looking at these guys profiles. my favourite is him:



geoff signed off. i think i made him mad or something. well, he made me mad. whatever. i'm sure it will be fine tomorrow, because i love him a lot. i love how when i disagree with geoff he doesnt just piss me off MORE, like jared did. sigh. or maybe i'm just a bitch, that could be it, too.

hmm now geoff has signed off... i hope he comes back soon. this is fucking stupid.
and i like him. *sniffles*

shut out what they say
x 22:46

i do TOO still want to kiss you! you big dork!

shut out what they say
x 10:23

29.4.04

[Spell your first name backwards]: htebazila
[How old?]: 16
[Where do you live?]: oregon
[4 words that sum you up]: artistic, bored, dramatic, self-conscious

DESCRIBE YOUR-
[Wallet]: black duct tape with a snap- in it: $0 and a library card
[Hairbrush]: black-ish with blue-green stripes
[Toothbrush]: uh i think its clear plastic with a blue stripe
[Jewelry worn daily]: necklace with a black stone in wire, 3 pairs of silver hoop earrings (tho soon one of those holes will be filled iwth 8gauge blue glass spikes) and 2 jelly bracelets, black and blue.
[Pillow cover]: i have like 9 pillows
[Blanket]: blue sleeping bag
[Coffee cup]: Ashland Skakespeakerean Festival
[Sunglasses]:blue dollar store ones that tony bought me
[Underwear]: right now... blue jockies? usually black.
[Shoes]: dark cherry red docs!
[Handbag]: i dont think i own one
[Favorite top]: oh god. probably I'm A Rocker, I Rock Out.
[Favorite pants]: flare jeans, dunno what brand, the ones they sell at target? long and lean with embroidered pockets that i did myself. cant believe theyve held up this long .
[Cologne/Perfume]: shut up
[CD in stereo right now]: the rapture- echoes
[Tattoos]: when i turn 18, The Tick and Ferdinand the Bull and something else
[Piercings]: 3 in each ear... maybe more later
[What you are wearing now]: pumpkin-y coloured cords, my docs, argyle socks, a pale blue shirt that says, " DRIVE IN theatre- if the car's a-rockin', dont come a knockin'. UP ALL NIGHT sleep all day! open duski til dawn! 1950 starlight lane, detroit, michigan"- i bought it at goodwill. it might be Fossil. looks it.
[Hair]: cool
[Makeup]: blech. none.


WHO or WHAT (was/is/are) -

[In my mouth]: my tongue
[In my head]: geoff
[Wishing]: my back and head didnt hurt, i was passing algebra
[After this]: sleep
[Talking to]: geoff and trav
[Eating:]: blech
[Fetishes]: i guess long hair and ultra-skinniness... uh...
[If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason?]: prolly some politician, dunno who, maybe the reverence fred phelps? actually i wouldnt murder anyone. thats uncool. even if they deserve it.
[Person you wish you could see right now]: geoff
[Is next to you]: malachi on the floor, buncha crap
[Some of your favorite movies]: ghost world, fight club, igby goes down, empire records, high fidelity, dazed and confused, the dangerous lives of alter boys, amelie
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: death cab, cursive, shins, GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF MY SOPHMORE YEAR THANK YOU GOD
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: getting my heart broken.
[Do you like candles]: yes
[Do you like hot wax]: hehe! jesus! i would assume so!
[Do you like incense]: mmm only black love from center market
[Do you like the taste of blood]: ewww
[Do you believe in love]: sure
[Do you believe in soul mates]: yah... like being twins, right? twins who never met?
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: yes
[Do you believe in Heaven]: not really. i would like to.
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes
[Do you believe in God]: sometimes.
[What do you want done with your body when you die]: dunno. donated to science? nah... uh... eaten by wolves, i guess.[Who is your worst enemy?]: wangsters
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: leemer
[What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: i've stayed up straight through
[Ever been to Belgium?]: ... no? should i?
[Can you eat with chopsticks]: yep
[What's your favorite coin?]: pesos
[What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: san diego, seattle, new york, minneapolis, portland
[What's something that you wish people would understand?]: god said dont kill each other, and dont hate each other, and dont judge each other, so when you try to use god to justify being a dick, it just pisses everyone off.
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: music
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: jared
[What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow?]: hmmmm i want to stay home tomorrow. school is my ass. its like a huge model of a babboon's ass, sculpted out of dog shit.

shut out what they say
x 22:27

current mood: ok
current music: gone- ben folds


yet another song that wouldnt be creepy without jared
thanks a lot man


I thought I'd write, I thought I'd let you know,
In the year since you've been gone I've finally let you go.
And I hope you find some time to drop a note,
But if you won't,
Then you won't.
And I will consider you gone.
I know that you went straight to someone else,
While I worked through all this shit here by myself,
And I think that you should spend some time alone,
But if you won't,
Then you won't.
And I will consider you gone.
I wake up in the night,
All alone, and it's alright.
The chemicals are wearing off,
Since you've gone.
The days go on, the lights go off and on,
And nothing really matters when you're gone.
If you think that you feel nothing at all,
If you don't,
Then you don't.
If you won't,
Then you won't.
And I will,
Then I will,
Yeah, and I will consider you gone.

so not a lot has happened lately. i got my report card back a few days ago, and i have an F and a "please contact this teacher" in algebra- so i scanned in the card and changed it to a C and a "excellent effort" and printed off a copy and stuck it in the envelope. am i a bad person? yes, yes i am. but brandt is doing my homework and i finished that one test, so i am confident that when i return to algebra on monday i will be able to bring my grade up to passing.

in english we're doing impromptu speeches with mr baer, which is hella fun, so i guess i'll go to that class until the end of the year. and in drama we're working on our children's plays, which is also... well, its fun but its frustrating. i am directing one called The Paper Bag Princess, and its starring rachel and caroline and mike and some weird kid named keith who is annoying. meh.

that one is easy to direct because its such a small cast, easy script, and everyone is really good and cool.

rachel p, on the other hand, is having a HELL of a time. shes directing Peggy The Pint-Sized Pirate, which is a really fun script but it has a bigger cast, like 15 people or so, and only 3 of us are interested in putting any effort into it at all.

i'm like,
"CAPTAIN SCUMMY! I CANT BELIEVE YER SHIP WAS DESTROYED!"
(long pause)
"yah... ship is gone... mumble mumble"
(long pause)
"your line is, oh, the tragedy"
etc etc.


its frustrating as hell to work in, too, because all the roles are supposed to be, you know, swashbuckling pirates, and everyone just kind of stands there and stares and says their line like a droid. rachel and i have tried everything to get them to have some FEELING but theyre just like... blech.

anyway and then in art... i dunno. i like art. i guess. and in history we just watched The Grapes of Wrath and that made me sad because ... it was sad? yes. sadness. tomorrow there is a test in history but i dont think i'll go to skool tomorrow so i'll just make up the test on monday when i get there.

geoff and i have been skipping 4th period a lot to go to his house to eat lunch and just... hang out. its really, really nice. specially today. i had a really good time- about 10 minutes before i had to go, we were just laying there not even talking for a while, and it was just really peaceful and good. ... good. yes.

in science we havent done anything in forever.

we're getting SUAVE started. what is SUAVE, you ask? SUAVE is Students United Against Violence Everywhere, the new student peace group started by rosie and trav and brandt and geoff (kinda) and myself and trolan and rach p. mostly me and rosie and trav tho. we rawk so hard. we got 25 signatures on our petition and then named it and wrote bylaws- i'll type them tomorrow when i'm home sick and then on monday we can turn it all in to be put before student council. yah.

so penna loaned me this binder today from the leadership room- its every application for a club charter since DHS was founded, in 1949 or so. theres the Rocket Boosters, and the Chess Club, and the Y-Girls (with a GIRL OF THE MONTH contest! whoa! playboy reference!) and then theres some kind of forensics league and all sorts of stuff. lots of prayer groups. almost all of these clubs are defunct now. pretty much the only ones that still exist are the bands and choirs, the teams, and the thespian society. sigh. and M.E.Ch.A. whatever the hell that is. OBVIOUSLY i dont speak mexican (inside joke)

i think joe hates me now. i dont know why. i havent talked to him in forever. wait a second... thats because i've skipped the class that i talk to him in for 2 weeks straight. thats the reason. pfffft. also today he had a bunch of stickers for ECHOES by the Rapture and he stuck them all over, on, like, everything. geoff and i saw one on a stop sign. i have one on my lunchbox. whoo hoo.

so this weekend if the weather is nice geoff and i were thinking about going to the beach. i'll jank some petrol money from mum (yah i'm a brit today) and we'll go fuck around over thur. you know the drill. and then the other day i'm gonna dye his hair, or he'll buy the dye at least. before i can do anything, i hafta clean up this office, so i had better do that tomorrow, too.

geoff will prolly go to skool at least for 5th, so i wont get to talk to him, unless he stays home until after lunch, in which case... wait, no, i'm not waking up early to talk to him. meh. whatever happens, happens.

my head hurts so fucking badly. anyway. so i did this rad hi-contrast drawing today, and inked it, and coloured it in red and orange, and DA will not accept it no matter what i do. fuck. i tried to submit it like 15 times and it just keeps telling me that it has been submitted but then when i look for it, theres nothing there. and then when i go to the URL it should be at, it tells me i have committed an illegal error and that my computer is going to explode. it started off explody. and then it got explodier!

speaking of scarygoround. time for me to update everyone on my opinion on whats happening on all the webcomics i read.
achewood- what the hell? i'm so confused! i mean, its hilarious, but when did they get back from berlin? for that matter, what were they doing in berlin in the first place? and what did ray do with that manifesto he wrote in the gutter? where can i find a copy? regardless: A+ simply for being achewood.
asofterworld- be more angsty. B-
billis- you are so weird. B+
bottomlesspop- i sometimes dont get your hockey jokes, but i love your hair. A+
dieselsweeties- why is there no plot now? more indie pete! B
dinosaur- heeehee. less guest strips, please. B
elftor- fuck you. C
exploding dog- <3 A
havesomehats- i dont read you anymore because you failed to amuse me, but i'm sure you're still awesome. B
it never rains on monitor hill- reggie, fuckin update! i love you and i want to have your bastard children! you are sex. regardless, C because of original content but lack of tenacity.
journal comic- UPDATE! C
lickmyjesus- UPDATE. lately you have not been as funny. i do not know why. i am hoping for a triumphant return to hilarity. B+
lifewithleslie- good luck with the battle. A
nothingnicetosay- i'm not sure if i can comment on recent trends if this comic hasnt updated in like a year. meh. its still rad. A.
pokey- UPDATE! B
scarygoround- i want more dinosaurs and more pictures of ryan with no shirt on. A+
sixthirtyfive- i look forward to your return, steph. B+
toothpastefordinner- more music jokes! i love mocking indie rock! B-
questionablecontent I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU A++++
whiteninja- ok. A
wigu- the best storyline is when paisley is on drugs. more drugs? A.


thats all thats happening, really. to sum up:
countdown to deathcab and BK: 5 days
countdown to cursive: a bunch
countdown to the shins: a bunch plus one
i <3 geoff
i hate skool but it will be ok
joe likes the rapture
travis is cute
webcomics are hip and indie as all get out

fin.

shut out what they say
x 21:01

current mood: content
current music: walk on me- ben kweller

whoa


look man i can figure out whos close to me

i thought i would feel like updating but i dont. hella new pictures on DA. uhhh

shut out what they say
x 17:37

28.4.04

current mood: sleepy
current music: we looked like giants- death cab for cutie


God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime.
Remembering when you were mine, in a still suburban town.
When every Thursday, I'd brave those mountain passes,
And you'd skip your early classes,
And we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations,
I've become what I always hated when I was with you then.
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact,
Fumbling to make contact,
As the others slept inside.
And together there in a shroud of frost,
The mountain air began to pass
Through every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer than anyone would ever get.




errrrrr....
i'm leaving for skool now
dont you love these pointless updates?
i promise i'll actually write something ... at some point.

shut out what they say
x 08:41

26.4.04

current mood:
current music:

ass ass ass ass ass!

bastards didnt do my homework. i have less than 50% in that class from having so many missing assignments, and i cant go BACK to it until they fucking do my work, and they're all like, "oh, its a lot of work, oh!" well jesus its been like 4 weeks since i asked them to go it! christ! i mean, i would have... done SOMETHING ELSE if i had known it would be such a trauma. but whatever. travis swears it will be done soon. not soon enough to be helpful at all, but you know... thingeee. hes a dude and i like him anyway.


i do not want to go to skool

i am only failing one class
i will go talk to trolan tomorrow about maybe skipping a grade. possible? prolly not. but, you know how it goes. i am sad inside. i hate myself and want to die. i wonder if any of my teachers read this? why the hell would they?




ARGGH life is so insane right now
geoff and i are clinging to each other (metaphorically speaking) out of fear of the draft. his mommy is going to steal him away if bush is re-elected and i will be so sad i will go with him.

i do not want to be a refugee from my own country
i want desperatly to believe that i live in a caring, beautiful society that treasures everyone as a human being
(the kind that i learned about in preschool
"the indians shared their food with christopher columbus when he discovered the continent")
not a freakish war tribe that hunts down its insubordinate young people like wild animals and confines them
not a country where i can be forced to kill or be killed against my will
that isnt the america i bought into
that isnt what they taught me in preschool, about life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness
i am becoming increasingly aware that
my preschool teachers
were
full
of
shit.

shut out what they say
x 22:56

current mood: loved
current music: no reason- ben kweller

i am going to:
death cab for cutie with ben kweller - may 5th, the crystal ballroom
plea for peace tour featuring cursive- may 21st, the cyrstal ballroom
the shins- may 22ns, the roseland

yay
i have a D in algebra but travis and brandt are currently doing my homework for me so i will not fail
RIGHT? RIGHT?
goddamnit! i'm not SPEAKING to you until you freakin do it! grarrrggh!

... or not. *smiles*

shut out what they say
x 18:07

24.4.04

current mood: worried
current music: rose- APC (i'm going through a phase)

i <3 paisley

i will see j00 at skaterock tomorrow

i hope you are ok travis
i hope everyone else is ok too

... i hafta meet geoffs family tomorrow! what if they hate me?

shut out what they say
x 00:16

23.4.04

current mood: shut up
current music: hollow- APC (yah, the metal band, whats it to ya)

kelley is sad today
i hope shes okay
its so hard to deal when your friends are so depressed
and such a mess
all the time
and its hard to handle
all the scandal and tears
and all the the the

shut out what they say
x 21:07

current mood: otay
current music: padraic my prince

blindxsj: hello?

Auto response from cryptorchyld14: ok, i'll use the ELEVATOR.
*click* vrrrrrm.
i KNOW theres no elevator back there, and you're just bending your legs.
actually, my legs are retractable. *smile*

blindxsj: you are not here.
blindxsj: j00 = teh suck
blindxsj: what the hell?

Auto response from cryptorchyld14: ok, i'll use the ELEVATOR.
*click* vrrrrrm.
i KNOW theres no elevator back there, and you're just bending your legs.
actually, my legs are retractable. *smile*

blindxsj: okay mister "auto response," you can only be entertaining or distracting for so long. now i'm looking past you, and wondering where the hell betsey is ... well? where is she?
blindxsj: mister auto response, i'm asking you a question! ... ... oh. she told you to act dumb, eh? well i'll show you dumb *ugh!* (punches computer monitor) ... how'd you like that? oh? still acting dumb? i'll ... i'll ... ow. i don't want to punch anything again, that really hurt. ow. ow. ow. dammit. now my knuckle is all red and hurty. ahhh! *cries* where are you betsey? i need you to kiss my knuckle and make it all better. whaaaaa!
blindxsj: m ... mis ... mister auto response made me cry. *sobs*
blindxsj: *sniffle* ca ... can we still be friends, mister auto response? ... ... ... ... well? ... ... ... ... awww! silence means no! whaaaa! whaaaa! nobody wants me to be their friend. whaaa! ...
blindxsj is away at 1:28:52 PM.
cryptorchyld14: back

Auto response from blindxsj: i'm acting dumb, and not telling you where i am.

cryptorchyld14: ... are you OK? jesus CHRIST!
cryptorchyld14: i was just eating breakfast!
cryptorchyld14: geoff?
cryptorchyld14: i miss you, come back! i will kiss your knuckles and make them un-hurty!
blindxsj returned at 1:31:20 PM.
blindxsj: *startled* h ... hi hi
blindxsj: yes, i am okay. i was just being bored, and fighting with mister auto response.
cryptorchyld14: i guess so!
cryptorchyld14: ... i'm gonna put that on my journal, because it made me laugh really hard. otay?
blindxsj: otay!
blindxsj: i always argue with mister auto response when you are away for extended periods of time.
cryptorchyld14: i know but this time it was weirder than average
cryptorchyld14: i like you
blindxsj: yeah. well he wouldn't say anything!
blindxsj: i like you too.
*long pause*
blindxsj: i didn't really punch the monitor, just to let you know. you know, in case you thought i was that dumb.

shut out what they say
x 13:34

21.4.04

current mood: o-tay
current music: such great heights

there isnt much to say
theres something up with my net connection
new comic, go look
started the peace club, need 25 signatures and i'm in business
i love you a whole lot
i am so fucking dominant
i like:
genuine music
kissing people
small furry animals
tying people up and kissing them on the lips
the internet
young people proving their worth
being smart
i am:
overly self-conscious
afraid of showing a whole face in a picture
listening to folk
probably not very healthy
directing a play
i will:
go to art skool
not be a goth ever again
probably eat something soon
tie you up and kiss you on the lips

"I cant let you be, 'cuz your beauty won't allow me...
Wrapped in white sheets, like an angel from a bedtime story.
And shut out what they say, cause your friends are fucked up, anyway,
And when they come around, somehow they feel up and you feel down.
When we were kids, we hated things our parents did.
We listened low to Casey Kasem's radio show.
That's when friends were nice- to think of them just makes you feel nice.
The smell of grass in spring and October leaves cover everything.
Have you forgotten how to love yourself?
I can't believe all the good things that you do for me,
Sat back in a chair like a princess from a faraway place.
Nobody's nice, when you're older your heart turns to ice.
And shut out what they say; they're too dumb to mean it, anyway.
When we were kids, we hated things our sisters did.
Backyard summer pools and Christmases were beautiful,
And the sentiment of coloured mirrored ornaments.
The open drapes look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes.
Have you forgotten how to love yourself?

shut out what they say
x 23:31

20.4.04

current mood:
current music:

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Elizabeth
-- Birthplace: Salem
-- Gender: Female
-- Eye Color: Dark brown
-- Hair Color: Brown... with purple sometimes.
-- Height: like, 5 11ish?
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: aquarius

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: whitey.
-- The shoes you wore today: dark cheery red doc marten mary-janes, double-strap <3!
-- Your fears: everything (failure, baing forgotten)
-- Your perfect meal: mashed potaos, vegan gravy?
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: art skool in minneapolis

LAYER THREE:
-- Your thoughts first waking up: oh goddammnit
-- Your best physical feature: dunno. legs?
-- Your bedtime: midnight on weeknights, 2 or 3 on weekends
-- Your most missed memory: jared

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: blech
-- McDonald's or Burger King: blech
-- Single or group dates: shut up
-- Adidas or Nike: blech
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: ferg
-- Chocolate or vanilla: whatever
-- Cappuccino or coffee: chai

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: blech
-- Cuss: way too much
-- Sing: yah, horribly!
-- Take a shower: bath
-- Have a crush: now? i guess... geoff?
-- Do you think you've been in love: dunno
-- Want to go to college: never really thought about it. its assumed that i will. no other option.
-- Liked high school: fuck. no.
-- Want to get married: prolly, someday.
-- Get motion sickness: nope
-- Think you're attractive: not so much
-- Think you're a health freak: nah
-- Get along with your parent(s): mostly always
-- Like thunderstorms: yes, lots
-- Play an instrument: guitar... and SOPRANO RECORDER!

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...

-- Drank alcohol: no
-- Smoked: no
-- Done a drug: yes
-- Had Sex: ... no?
-- Made Out: n-n-n-yes.
-- Gone on a date: i dont think i've ever gone on a real "date" date
-- Gone to the mall?: yep... i hate the fuckin mall
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i really really really hate oreos
-- Eaten sushi: nope
-- Been on stage: uh huh!
-- Been dumped: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Gone skinny dipping: in my bathtub!
-- Dyed your hair: a buncha times
-- Stolen anything: lemme think. no.


LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl..

-- Best eye color?: dark.
-- Best hair color?: dark
-- Short or long hair? longer than mine
-- Height: tall people
-- Best weight: skinny people
-- Best articles of clothing: none

LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
-- Number of piercings: 6
-- Number of tattoos: 0... so far
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: a buhjillion
-- Number of scars on my body: 4 or 5
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: none


1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.


"Highlights from the festival's afternoon sessions included interviews with the still-flamboyant Little Richard and legendary cantakerous former CBS Records produced Walter Yetnikoff" - this month's SPIN

shut out what they say
x 20:00

current mood: meh
current music: drunk kid catholic, bright eyes

the drunks kids, the catholics... they're all about the same.
they're waiting for something.... hoping to be saved.
well i have been happy... the past couple days.

today i noticed that we are still in the 60s. in the fucking 60s! possibly the very early 70s. rock is a spectator sport and geoff and i are losing sleep (LOTS of sleep) over the draft. a LOT of sleep. we hug each other tight and grow our hair out long and worry (a LOT) about the draft.

might fail algebra
might skip a grade
might drop out

DROP IN TUNE OUT TURN ON... or whatever

shut out what they say
x 16:08

19.4.04

current mood: depressed... but really ... kissy?
current music: Padraic My Prince- Bright Eyes

.... i loves you geoff.

... i will be sad when the draft comes.

may, 2005, everybody. the draft is coming back with a vengance and people are gonna die and people are gonna get pissed off and arrested and involved in their community for the first time since vietnam

so complain and be scared and get your tickets to canada and get high
i'll see you there
but whatever you do, don't be bored
this is absolutely the most exciting time we could possibly hope to ever be alive in, ever.

shut out what they say
x 23:05

current mood: happy
current music: angel in the snow- elliott smith

The ABCs of Elizabeth

A - Age: 16
B - Best Quality: erm erm erm i guess i have good taste in music. and uh... stuff. and i can draw. can you?
C - Choice Of Meat: tofu
D - Dream Date: gawd, i'd hafta say a GWAR concert, on that one.
E - Exciting Adventure: muddin'.
F - Favorite Food: i'll be cliched and say pizza. i don't know. whatever i am eating.
G - Greatest Accomplishment: jesus, i have no idea.
H - Happiest Day of Your Life: prolly the day geoff and i went to the beach. i dunno, something like that.
I - Interests: cartoons, photography, film, indie rawk, emo, punk, webcomics, YOU.
K - Kool-Aid: blech
L - Love: ... how am i supposed to answer this? yes, please?
M - Most Valued Thing I Own: Papa Roach, some of my more obscure tshirts, and all my freshman year sketchbooks. and my guitar. *loves my guitar*
N - Name: elizabeth
O - Outfit You Love: i'm a pretty big fan of the one i'm wearing now- my red doc martens, a pair of flair jeans with embroidered pockets, and a darth vader tshirt: "I WANT YOU for the imperial forces! travel to exotic, distant galaxies! meet a wretched hive of scum and villainy... and disintegrate them!" with a huge picture of darth vader.
P - Pizza Toppings: ... cheese. i know, i'm boring.
Q - Question Asked To You The Most: "when was the last time you dyed yer hair?" (usually followed with, "you need to dye it again")... the "are you and geoff going out" stuff has kind of tapered off.
S - Sport To Watch: people beating each other with mini vaccuum cleaners.
T - Television Show: uhmmm i have not watched TV in probably more than six months. i honestly have no idea what's on. i like the simpsons sometimes, and i know family guy isnt on anymore but it was hella awesome.
U - Ur Favorite Song: oh, god.
W - winter: i hate winter. it sucks. i hope it dies.
Y - Year Born: 1988
Z - Zodiac Sign: Aquarius


quotes of the day (both from eric):
"elliott smith was an emo fuck who killed himself because he was a DYKE"
"no, no, i like it. i'd live in it. if i was a retarded bird."


... that eric. he's a character.

rach and trav and brandt and rosie and sara hd and jess'ka made a poster today in environmental, with levitating bunnies with X-ray eyes, and burning trees, and volcanos, and moses and an elephant. is this a stage of forest growth? why YES.

tonite rach phillips and trav and geoff and i will prolly go see this guy from oregon peaceworks speak at the coffeehouse in dallas, and watch a film called "the truth about the war in iraq" or something, and get things thrown at us by hicks in trucks and get called "damn hippies"... whee. actually trav prolly wont come. but geoff will! *smile* that is all. i now fully intend to go eat some cinnamon toast and cocoa.

my skin is really dry on my face and, like, falling off. is this BAAAAAAD?

i have a single dreadlock. i havent washed my hair in 4 days. i'm going to hear a peace speaker. it's been almost exactly a week since the last time i was stoned. i am SUCH A FUCKING HIPPIE. it's awful. by all definitions of "indie punk" and "hippie", i should hate myself. but MEH.

i still don't like sublime, tho. feh.

shut out what they say
x 16:01

18.4.04

current mood: ok
current music: talking shit about a pretty sunset- modest mouse

guh
i just woke up
i hope travis is doing my algebra
i want a hug
today i have nothing to do
weekends fucking suck
that is all

shut out what they say
x 11:03

17.4.04

current mood: in love
current music: bittersweet me- R.E.M.

shhh.


god, i want geoff to be here RIGHT NOW.

simon says:
*yawns*
simon says:
*curls up on floor and goes to sleep*
holy crap, lions! tours says:
you gonna go to bed?
simon says:
*pulls blanket up over nose, yawns*
simon says:
*rolls over, pulling blanket with her, sighs in sleep*
holy crap, lions! tours says:
aw. *drives up to the house. breaks in discreetly. gets a blanket, puts it over you. goes to sleep too.*
simon says:
aw. *curls up next to you in sleep*
holy crap, lions! tours says:
yay!
simon says:
*one arm over you* *talks in sleep*
holy crap, lions! tours says:
*half asleep*
you: "geoff. sex"
me: "mw ... wha?"
simon says:
mmm.
holy crap, lions! tours says:
*sigh* i'm like two seconds from driving up to your house.
simon says:
*sighs* *loves you*
holy crap, lions! tours says:
*loves you too*

god we're sickening.


"I move across, innocence lost
All flashing pulsar
I move across the earth in my new pattern shirt
I pass satellites

"you’re so bitter," your complained
"I can’t get you anything.
I don’t know who you’re livin for
I don’t you at all anymore."

I’d sooner chew my leg off,
Than be trapped in this.
How easy you think of all,
O this as bittersweet me.

I couldn’t taste it
I’m tired and naked.
I don’t know what I’m hungry for,
I don’t know what I want anymore.

I move across, candy floss,
I move like a tank
I move across the room
With a heart full of gloom.
I’m stronger than you think.

Oh my peer,
Your veneer is wearing thin and cracking.
The surface and forms underneath,
Underneath is lacking.

I’d sooner chew my leg off,
Than be trapped in this.
How easy you think of all of this as bittersweet me

I couldn’t taste it.
I’m tired and naked.
I don’t know what I’m hungry for.
I don’t know what I want anymore.

You move across, innocence lost,
All static and desire,
You’re blue in the face from navel gaze,
You set yourself on fire.

You strip down and lay yourself out,
I know you can’t fake it,
But are you tired and naked?
Are you tired and naked?

I’d sooner chew my leg off,
Than be trapped in this.
How easy you think of all of this as bittersweet me

I couldn’t taste it
I’m tired and naked.
I don’t know what I’m hungry for.
I don’t know what I want anymore.

shut out what they say
x 23:45

current mood: sad. but ok, really.
current music: "new slang"- the shins

matt is talking to me and he is drunk and it is so sad. i should hang out with matt more often. or... i dunno. he is so sad. so very sad. ergh.

and geoff and i had fun today- i took pictures and we ate pizza, and dug through the goodwill as is store. *hearts geoff*

... *is bored*

tomorrow i need something to do. what should i do tomorrow? tell me tell me tell me! today was fun but dull. i need to do something AWESOME. like... get drunk! or uh... get high and THEN go to gilbert house! ... maybe not. meh.

i dont feel like writing anymore. i'll update again later.

shut out what they say
x 19:51

current mood: bummed
current music: poor maude- pascal

*sniffles* so my mom woke me up this morning with some cheerful news
"elizabeth, your father and i have decided, after doing our taxes, that there is absolutely no way that you can go to that festival in california. we just cant afford it."
*cries* i've been wanting to go to coachella for like 7 months now, ever since i heard about it, and now they just say they cant AFFORD it? they wont let me take the money out of MY account, because thats money "to be saved for a special accoasion" apparently the occasion has to be deemed "special" by them, and not me. i think seeing the fucking CURE is a special occasion. fuck. i tried SO HARD to get them to let me go, too. i talked to my dad about it, and then my mom like every day, and i begged a ride from my aunt sarah and researched all the trasnit systems they suggested, and printed off maps and found out the balance in my account to prove that i could afford it, and i was really good and i didnt cry or whine or sceram and they wouldnt help me AT ALL. i guess they've kind of known all along that they couldnt afford it, but why didnt they just TELL ME THAT instead of being like, "well, maybe, why dont you check out green tortouse buses" and all this shit.
goddammit. i REALLY want to go. the thought of running off with geoff has crossed my mind. he would drive me if i told him, and i could find gas money if i could find ticket money. but... no. i'm too nice to do something like that. i'll just stay here and cry through all of may 1st and 2nd. godDAMMIT. i really really really really wanted to go. i dont think my parents understand how important things like this are to me. i think they think that its just some stupid concert for teenagers, so we can go and socialize and drink stolen beer or something. i told them that its THE CURE for the first time in like 13 YEARS and they were like, "who's the cure? who are the pixies? whats a radiohead? what kind of stupid name is the flaming lips" AUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHH

*cries* and romeo and juliet, last night at the pentacle, was SO FUCKING SAD. gah.





thats it. fuck it. who wants to drive me to california? screw my mom, i'll go anyway if i can find a way, and just get thrown out of the house when i get home.

shut out what they say
x 10:58

15.4.04

current mood: sad
current music: jesus dont want me for a sunbeam- nirvana

i had this dream last night that you appeared
in a fury of flashing lights and firetrucks
and wandered into the backyard, barefoot
(when everything was still and perfect)
(white and bathed in moonlight)
and pointed to the sky
and casually informed me that eventually
flies would cover both our faces


"dont expect me to cry for all the reasons you had to die
dont ever ask that of me
jesus dont want me for a sunbeam
sunbeams werent made like me"

shut out what they say
x 19:54

14.4.04

in my ears: "Hey, Wanna Throw Up, Get Me Naked"- Minus the Bear
in my head: school work and geoff
in my 'list of things that people owe me' - a ticket to see death cab and ben kweller/ $20, a tshirt, $3, a hug, a hat
in my buddy list 'online' section: geoff, katie, trav, elliott, kelley
in my pocket: a ticket to see the shins in a month, a recepit from walmart for photo processing, a paintbrush and one dollar
in my hair: gel
in my PANTS: heeheee
in my backpack: some random papers that i should very likely turn in, my cd player, a Jello Biafra spoken word album, Zig Zag rolling papers, a few notes from geoff, a sketchbook and some crayons, some electric blue mascara that i've worn ONCE
in my room: a bed, a dresser, a desk, two bookcases, three million lamps, way too many posters all over, too little lighting.
in my heart: i know that school is not the right place for me
in my sketchbook: today's new comic
in my stomach: cereal and milk- bleh
in my shoe: my sock
in my sock: my foot
in my foot: thousands and thousands and millions and billions of tiny veins and capillaries, transfering blood at a miraculous and terrifying rate and with amazing efficiency, and thousands of cells, working and toiling away in their individual, precisely-programmed routines, all to better complete some sort of organized being with no apparent purpose
seems silly to waste all that effort on me if all i'm going to do is sit here and draw comics
i wish i could tell my cells to take a break


i cant dance but thats alright
today was boring
tomorrow will be boring too
tomorrow will be boring you
look at my comic

shut out what they say
x 22:12

13.4.04

current mood: happy
current music: "Thorns In Roses"- The Exploding Hearts, Guitar Romantic

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/6552577/

lookit!
so today was the first day of the comics battle
i'd send you a link to trav's, but he didnt do one today. ordinarily this would mean his immediate disqualification, but i let him off because he is sad inside. i have a heart. this is his one and only pussy out, tho, and i promise you tomorrow there will be DUELING COMICS. promise.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/6552577/ go LOOK goddammit!

joe austin, you fucking SUCK.
(and you are so wrong about the military's budget you can't even begin to comprehend. i hope you choke.)

i'll explain this later, after i get sent to the principal's office for starting fights in school.

today i didnt do anything, really. i feel good inside. i made a comic and it made me feel so much better. i hadnt accomplished anything in uh like 8 months?

THAT IS ALL. *transmission cuts*

shut out what they say
x 22:38

current mood: anxious
current music: nothing at all (about to leave for school)

it occurs to me now that everything i used to make fun of vanora for is true of me, instead. minus the terrible taste in music and the sluttiness. but hear me now, if the police were to charge me for everything i've ever done, i would get:
possession II
petty theft II
treason
truancy
(and geoff would get) statuatory ... well, not rape since theres no actual sex... uh... molestation?

heeeeeeeeehee

shut out what they say
x 07:53

12.4.04

current mood: *misses geoff*
current music: Jesus Doesn't Want Me For A Sunbeam- Nirvana (Unplugged In NY)


instead of school today i smoked pot and listened to jello biafra and giggled maniacally at a dolphin screensaver with geoff

i dont feel like updating today either.

comics war starts soon soon soon

SEX!

shut out what they say
x 20:46

11.4.04

current mood: pist!
current music: "Talk On Censorship 'President McMuffin Tightens The Screws- What We Are Not Being Told'" - Jello Biafra

... meh?

i dont want to go to school. i really don't.
and i don't want to go to college or get a job. fuck you.
fuck work. i just want to hang out. i just want to draw cartoons. i just want to eat some vegan ice cream and stay up late in somebody's basement and listen to shitty punk and give people hugs. thats what i want to do.

shut out what they say
x 22:01

current mood: bored
current music: muddy hymnal- iron and wine (again)

... goddammit.
i don't feel like updating.

shut out what they say
x 20:16

current mood: strange
current music: muddy hymnal- iron and wine

last night was a good night and yesterday was a good day. i went into town to guitar and i got a smiley face sticker on my chord sheet... yah dude... and then, uh, geoff and i went to the park and that was some good times

i <3 geoff a bunch

and then we went and saw hubcap annie at borders, with kelley and travis and brandt and riley, and that was rad because i love all of them to death and we got to be really "scene" and talk to brian m, who complimented me on my shirt and my taste in music. it was good times. i got mad respect for him. and then geoff and kelley and i drove downtown but his lights weernt working and so we walked for like 19 blocks trying to find the place we told my mom i was, when we started like a block from it. whee. and then uh uh uh

i came home

i bought the creek drank the cradle by iron and wine yesterday at borders. first cd i've bought in a long time. i'm enjoying it greatly and to it i directly attribute my strange mood. it's really... it's really fuckin' good.



"We found your name across the chapel door
Carved in cursive with a table fork
Muddy hymnals and some boot marks where you'd been

The shaking preacher told the captain's man
The righteous suffer in a fallen land
Then pulled the shade to keep the crowd from peeking in

We found your children by the tavern door
With wooden buttons and an apple core
Playing house and telling everyone you'd drowned

The begging choir told the captain's man
We all assume the worst the best we can
And for a round or two they gladly drag you down

We found you sleeping by your lover's stone
A ream of paper and a telephone
A broken bow across a long lost violin

Your lover's angel told the captain's man
It never ends the way we had it planned
And kissed his palm and placed it on your dreamin head"

shut out what they say
x 13:33

9.4.04

current mood: glowing :)
current music: theme from ghost world- david kitay

http://missmisery16.deviantart.com/
well i'm a big fat dork and i went and joined deviant art
meh. i think i'm cool still. i've gotten, like, a buhjillion and one comments already, for some reason, despite the fact that i only have up 11 pictures. but meh.

you know who should join? carlei. yah, you. i think you would enjoy the fact that the whole purpose is to get people to comment on your pictures, and then, they, like, do. it's insane.

anyway, that made me happy.

i have a huge fucking headache tho. it just started like a minute ago and i am going to DIE. augh. jesus. i think its the sunlight hitting my eyes or something but MY GOD.

tomorrow hubcap annie is playing at borders and then the strawberries are playing... SOMEWHERE. i plan on going to both of these social events and being awesome. yes.

http://missmisery16.deviantart.com/
go look!

shut out what they say
x 18:50

current mood: fine
current music: karma police- radiohead

i've been reorganizing all of my crazy-ass MPSs today. i stayed home from school for the first time in forever. i ALMOST went two whole weeks without skipping. next week we only have 4 days, and then magical grades come out and i have a magical magical F in algebra. wheee. i wont FINISH with an F, obviously, but still.

meh.

so i feel sick and gross and i stayed home. last night i made myself an ultra-sad cd of sadness and layed in bed listening to elliott smith and radiohead and bright eyes and copeland for quite some time. you know the drill. today i slept in until 11 and then ate some cereal and immediatly came downstairs to do nothing productive. i should do my science homework but i am not doing it. nope. not even a little itty bitty bit.

hehe shit... my group for the group test in algebra has to present its word problem today and i have the paper for it. la te da. no one KNOWS i have the paper, tho, so technically i could just say, fa te da, i don't have it. fuck you.

i was mean to travis last night! it was not cool. i am NEVER mean to travis! ever! if anyone else is mean to travis, i offer to snap their heads off, and then I WAS MEAN TO TRAVIS. completely not cool. so i apologized but i still felt really bad. meh. i hate being female. it really sucks. bleeding genitals=bad.

today is the modest mouse concert that i am NOT at. this makes me sad.
if anyone out there has a modest mouse ticket they would like to give to me, that would be cool. yep. i would hug you and even pay you one whole dollar.
but as it is i will sit here and be depressed, and listen to Modest Mouse: Live In Portland and pretend i am actually there

shut out what they say
x 13:15

8.4.04

there is something that chases me away from poetry, and that thing is it's confrontational nature. maybe it's just poetry written by teenagers that i dislike, but i am of the opinion that this basic premise does not age well. the sneers and ending every sentance with an absolute powerful phrasing seems like bad acting to me. obscure references and fetuses and all things dead or dying. pop-culture statements that are powerfully personal and political. these things echo in those who are awaiting them, but completely alienate everyone who just wants to hear about truth. i just want to hear about the truth. i just want to hear about what you ate for lunch and then maybe take a nap in the sunshine.

shut out what they say
x 18:12

current music: what a wonderful world- joey ramone
current mood: what a wonderful world!

today has sucked because i have PMS and hella cramps and i hate EVERYONE and also... nothing. it just sucked. fuck you. and i'm sick. fuck you. but actually right now i feel ok because mom is making me food, and then im gonna go read Wicked out on the porch


i kinda want to take a survey or quiz or something and postit on here so it looks like i updated, but i cant find any. shit.

so i'll make one up

do you have PMS? yes
what was the last thing you ate? a sammich at lunch
did you turn in your homework today? uh huh!
how did that science quiz go? pretty ok, i guess
are you gonna go eat now? yep

shut out what they say
x 16:37

5.4.04

Asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it gettin' heavy?
But then I realized
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be

Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky

'Cause it's gettin' heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be

Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
The best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be.

Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
The best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

shut out what they say
x 17:00

current mood: bored
current music: 'a spoonful weighs a ton'- the flaming lips

and tho they were sad
they lifted up the sun
they rescued everyone
a spoonful weighs a ton

i havent updated in forever because i havent had anything to say in forever.
friday i am going to see modest mouse

tell everybody waiting for superman
that they'll have to hold on as best they can
he hasn't dropped them, forgot them or anything
it's just too heavy for superman to lift

shut out what they say
x 16:47

3.4.04

cryptorchyld14: i used to think "starvation" was the prettiest word, because it had star in it. i remember walking around the grocery store in monmouth, which is closed now, following my mom and mouthing "starvation" over and over and over.
pants lion thief: whoa.
pants lion thief: where did that come from?
cryptorchyld14: i was just thinking about it
pants lion thief: that's pretty funny.
cryptorchyld14: i guess

shut out what they say
x 23:54

current mood: angsty
current music: come as you are

go

come
as you are
as i want you to be
as a trend
as a friend
as an old enemy
take yer time
hurry up
the choice is yours
dont be late
take a rest
as a friend
as an old memoria
come
doused in mud
soaked in bleach
as i want you to be
as a trend
as a friend
as an old memoria
and i swear that i dont have a gun
no i dont have a gun
no i dont have a gun

shut out what they say
x 23:36

current mood: happy
current music: sweet adeline - elliott smith

whee! i thought my update from a few hours ago had committed suicide, but it turns out that it's ok.

i think sweet adeline is the prettiest song of all time. i have decided that my #1 name for a little girl is Adeline. my cousin Ruby's middle name is Adeline, and her mother is the one who introduced me to Elliott Smith, so i hafta wonder if theres a connection there. It does not matter.

Favorite Names
Girls:
Adeline
Sierra
Savanah
Lorelei
Lillith
Boys:
Elliott
Isaiah
Elijah

i used to think it would be really clever to name a little girl Judy after Judy Is A Punk by the Ramones, but not so much anymore.

Least Favourite Names
Girls:
Anything that is really something totally ordinary, but it's been spelled all weird to make it something special. Like Sheila spelled as Sheelaigh or something like that. I hate that SO much.
Brittney/Brittany
Ashley/Ashly/Ashlee/Ashli
Paula
Maude
Susie

Boys:
Rodney
Dennis
Lewis
Jamal/Juan (or any other durn fureigner names!) (joke, joke, joke. calm down.)
Stanley

"Cut this picture into you and me,
Burn it backwards, kill this history.
Make it over, make it stay away,
Or hate'll sing the ending that
Love started to say.
There's a kid a floor below me, singing.
Brother, can you spare sunshine for a brother?
Old man winter's in the air.
Walked me up a story, asking how ya' are,
Told me not to worry, you're just a shooting star.
Sweet Adeline
Sweet Adeline
My Clementine
Sweet Adeline
It's a picture perfect evening, and I'm staring down the sun,
Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done.
Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head,
Or any situation where I'm better off than dead"

geoff is in aumsville
i burned him a cd with a bunch of Man Is The Bastard and Kill The Man Who Questions.
this is for 3) reasons
1) His older brother listens to it, and i think it would be funny if for some reason geoff had to give him a ride and derrick was like, "oh, i LOVE this band!"... i have this image in my head of geoff laughing at this remark so hard that he crashes his car. not that THAT particular aspect would be funny.
2) Joe and i seem to have this weird thing going where we force geoff to play horrible, horrible music in his car. Like Sacred Steel and The Locust. and then, if anyone in the car recognizes or even implies that this music is, you know, pertty awful, we all (geoff included) say something to the effect of "no way, man, this is awesome!". why this is humourous, i'm not entirely sure, and when i get to college i will probably refrain from this sort of thing.
3) i.... king of like it. there's this song, Because I'd Probably Fucking Wet Myself. i like it. and i kind of like how political it all is. i understand some of it (well, none of it until i find the lyrics someplace) and i really appreciate what they're saying. that doesnt change the fact that they sound like they're never played their instruments before. but whatever, i guess i'm just not very used to hardcore. which is weird, seeing how hardcore i am (very).

(^^^irony^^^)
whoa, that looked like a bird
(^^^O^^^) CAW! CAW! CAW! (^^^O^^^)

i havent taken pictures in forever. i hate myself for this. i have this roll of film that has some pictures of trav and katie on it, in music millenium, and i really need to develop that so that i can look at the pictures. UNFORTUNATLY i have been completely lazy concerning being artistic lately, and so i havent taken any more to use up the roll. i will, soon, i promise! i'm so unprofessional. how i ever expect to make it as an artist escapes me.
realizing that being lazy about drawing things is bad, travis and i are having a comics-off, which i already sort of talked about, but not in great detail. we each have to post a comic EVERY day (the criterion for comic being that it encorporate both words and text, tho i supposed "words" is subjective, and it take place over a space of time, not just a still lief with a caption) and when one of us gives up out of exhaustion, they lose. they have to forfeit a new cd and their eternal soul to the winner, and the winner also gets to wear a sign that says "I AM A BIG DORK" to school. originally this was a punishment for the loser, but, because we are masochists, trav and i both kinda WANTED to wear the sign, so now its a prize.

shit, i have updated so much today. WHY?

i hope geoff comes home soon. i want to talk to him. i like him. i
i <3 geoff
last night we were saying "i three greater than you" to each other, failing to realize that that would be
i 3> you
which really makes no sense
SHIT that looks like satan!

3> see it? his horns are pointing left, and his face is pointy at the chin cuz of his goatee?
..................
3>-|-<........
........).........
.......*......... (the periods aer because i cant, for some reason, post blank spaces. he's standing in front of a beaded curtain, ok?) (at time of typing, that beaded curtain comment was fucking hilarious. i wonder if this will be funny tomorrow)

... that extremity is his pitchfork tail, which really looks more like a poodle's tail with a pompom on the end
shut up, ok? i'm kinda tired. like, really tired. but hyper. it does strange things to a BODY you know

shut out what they say
x 22:40

current mood: content
current music: Eau' De Bedroom Dancing- Le Tigre

today has been a pretty damn awesome day. yesterday was awesome, too, tho both of them were awesome in the sense that no one who wasnt there will understand. oh, well, i'll try to explain anyway.

friday: gave my speech in english, got 5 5 6 5 (for those of you who DONT have to be judged by the oregon CIM and CAM standards, a 4 is average, a 5 is amazing and a 6 is perfect. 6s are like, really rare because most teachers hate everyone). the only bad part about my speech was that when i was walking up to the front of the room to put up my visual aid, i didnt notice that there was a paper towel dispenser on the edge of the table and i walked RIGHT into it, and it smashed my upper leg really hard and there this huge bruise. its still swollen, even more than 24 hours later. it was kind of weird because i was like, "OW! GODDAMMIT! uhm... anyway... papa new guinea..." good times, tho, good times.
the rest of the day was kind of a blur, actually. brandt and aurora sat with us at lunch. the very fact that they are still together defies brandt's OLD record with her, which was three (3!!!) whole days. so yay yay yay for them. my record WAS 99 days with jared until i met geoff, and i'm at like 116 with him now, so BOOYA to brandt and aurora. you guys suck.

not really, tho.

so then after school i went to goodwill with my mom and bought:
1) a pair of dark cheerry red doc martens sandals with a double buckle strap... they're SO cute! gah!
2) a def leppard shirt, because def leppard fucking sucks
3) this lame little kids shirt with a picture of a ninja and "TAE KU OWT" across the top. ha.
came home, and called geoff about 5 buhjillion times because he wasnt picking up his freakin phone. AND THEN. finally he answered, and we decided to hang out in town so we did... uh, we went up to the playground and just sat there in the dark. ate mexican food and cookies. drove around outside dallas and got bored with that, and i fell asleep next to him in the playground parking lot. i really love playgrounds at night. its kinda like existing in two worlds at once. its like the ruins of some other civilization which we have transformed into a more interesting area. its weird. nothing is entirely concrete, and the coolest part is that this surreal type dealy can be shared with another human being. or. so. i. would. like. to. think.

my mom and i made strawberry crepes the other day and the whole house smelled like strawberries, and then the windows were open while we were gone and the neighbors were burning a bruch pile (for thos of you who do not know oregon's burn laws, this is illegal right now) and all the smoke came in our house and it was all smokey. so after the smoke cleared, everything smelled like woodsmoke and strawberries. a very neat combination, if i do say so myself.

anyway, this morning i got up at like 11 and ate cereal and realized that it was a GORGEOUS day. gorgeous! (for those of you who dont often experience spring in oregon, this is pretty unusual) and so i put on shorts and my mom had me wash this stepstool thing out on the deck for her. i had a bucket of soapy water and IT smelled good, and then the dust got wet and IT smelled good, and then it was spring so EVERYTHING smelled good, and it was awesome.

so then i started reading Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, which i am thorougly enjoying. its about, well, you guessed it, the wicked witch of the west, who is not evil afterall. well, she is, but understandably so. bob, my uncle's ex-partner gave it to me for my birthday.

and then i just sat around getting sunburnt for a few hours and then i came inside and realized that the black skirt with red embroidery that i got for 8th grade graduation goes perfectly with my new red shoes. like said, you really kind of have to have been there to appreciate all of this. it must kinda be like, "mmm i had a sandwich today" to everyone else.

and the only thing i really acheived was that i made a new Kill the Man Who Questions buddy icon. it pretty much rules, yes, now that you ask.

anyway thats pretty much everything. i've been wearing those vinyl stud bracelets that heather and i bought at th toy stoer, the MTV ones, religiously, along with two of her jelly bracelets, a blue one and a black one. i heard from a couple people that there is some sort of sexual stigma attached to those bracelets, like how there used to be with gay men and the coloured hankcheifs? could someone clue me in a to exactly what i am advertising with my blue and black intertwined bracelets? i hope it is not something filthy. tim said it was, but tim is full of shit and by definition filthy himself. laugh out loud.

(now, all the cool kids type out "laughing out loud" and say LOL in person. say it, like a word, as in LOL. go on, you can be cool too! i'll tell everyone that you were doing it BEFORE it became trendy.)

tomorrow travis and i are going to watch Salt Lake City Punk and possibly Ghost World, because he still needs to see that one. yes, indeed. also we're going to draw comics for a bit, to try and get ourselves warmed up for the comics battle which will ensue within a week. i hope i get my password from keenspace soon so that i can upload them there, but if i dont, i'll just... uh... show them to travis online through IM and post them en masse when i do get the password. or do a happy dance. or SOMETHING. (shhh)

anyway i'm out of interesting things to say
except that dunham tried to arrest somebody and then had to let him go because he read him his rights out of order! ha! dunham, you're an asshole and i hope you get eaten by a mutant frog. that is all.

*static*
*transmission ends*

shut out what they say
x 18:02

1.4.04

current mood:
current music:

things i have to do today:
- empty the dishwasher
- pick up all my dirty clothes from the bathroom floor
- take a shower, because i smell bad
- write in three fake references in my speech
- do some history homework, and some algebra homework
- talk to travis about my idea: since les from lifewithleslie and the dude from bottomlesspop and some other guy are having an ironman comics fight, we should, too! altho since we're pussies, maybe we should try to do every other day, or ever every week if we're that chicken? tho i would be down for every day. the prize can be... the loser has to buy the winner a new cd. because we LIKE cds. yep. you down? if he isnt, is anyone else?
- get to bed earlier than i have been the past few nights
- and call geoff, who is cute


i had strawberry crepes for dinner! :) mmm

shut out what they say
x 17:17

DUDE
DUDE DUDE DUDE
www.beautifulagony.com works on my schools computers! sheit
seriously, tho, check that out. its GOOD porn. GOOD.

shut out what they say
x 15:12

current mood: ... feh
current music: the shins, journey and adam sandler... jesus. i'm in the computer lab at school and like 3 people are playing music at the same time. STOP IT I AM LOSING MY MIND.

its sixth period, like 4 minutes before the bell, and i'm really bored.
geoff got fingerprinted yesterday

shhhh. i dont have ANYTHING TO SAY. at all. sheeeeit.



today i loaned rachel some anime and we both didnt turn in ANY homeowork.

shut out what they say
x 15:06

30.3.04

spent a long time living with that
never could give it a name
and when you dont know what you're looking at
o it makes it much harder to take

shut out what they say
x 21:46

current mood: better. i finished my report. now i have to memorize it by... uh... tomorrow.
current music: "because i'd probably fucking wet myself"- kill the man who questions


Micah C. Harding reports:
Sean Tillman, aka sex-obsessed, overweight white soul crooner Sean Na Na, is one strange fucker. And it goes further than just his own odd brand of humor and stage antics (most commonly stripping down to his white jockeys and breakdancing to the accompaniment of a small boombox): His uncanny resemblance to porno legend Ron Jeremy, his ogling of female audience members at his live shows, and his music in general are all terms of disassociation for your average Pixies-loving Joe. He somehow recalls a stage adaptation of a John Waters film. Pink Flamingos, anyone?

Well, the shit hit the fan for Tillman during SXSW when, in the midst of his performance at a warehouse space, a drunken (or possibly completely sober and fully aware) audience member chucked a giant penis-shaped pinata at Tillman's head. It set off a ridiculous chain reaction, not entirely dissimilar to Fabio's famous birdface incident, in which the pinata knocked Har Mar's microphone into his front teeth, causing enough damage to require several subsequent dentist visits. He's since sworn off dick forever.

The show, of course, went on, but not without further turmoil. While Har Mar later milled about the crowd, mid-histrionics, that same inebriated offender pushed him down, and proceeded to pour an entire drink over his head, thus establishing a substantial burden of proof that Texas really is the greatest state in the Union, as their brochures purport. At the humiliating hands of his offender, Har Mar fucking Superstar abandoned his crooning exercises, and, after handing the mic off to one of his adoring female fans, began to chase the asshole around the venue, throwing trash at him until security escorted the man to the street. At which point the crooning resumed. Spake Har Mar to the NME: "I was pretty angry that my first opportunity to play my new labored-on songs for my friends was ruined by some shitty party fouler... Don't fuck with the fucking best!"





man i love stuff like that


don't you?
nothing happened today
except forecasting- next year i have no math, no science, no second language... only english, history and art classes, oh, and health 2 second semester which i might try to get out of. yay, huh? yes, yesssss. happy. and i'm in newspaper, along with rachel and joe! it will be just like back in the old days, you know?

shut out what they say
x 21:43

29.3.04

current mood: seeeeewww punk
current music: Angeles- Elliott Smith [Live]


g: screw organization. we'll just do whatever whenever.
b: there really ought to be some reward for showing up to school
b: like getting paid or something
g: i know!
b: because i do NOT want to go. isnt it like, ILLEGAL, to force me to go do something that i dont want to do, every day, for no money, and for no reason other than that everyone else has to do it, too, and some goverment figurehead somewhere decided it was "for my own good"? i mean, like, literally force me to go, and i get in legal trouble if i resist enough? isnt that, you know, fascism? thats what i would be inclined to think.
g: i've never thought of it that way.
b: if that description were given to someone and they didnt know i was talking about school, it would sound like a fucking concentration camp
g: yeah. damn. it does.
b: or at least an interment camp. doesnt it? "youre under 18 so you HAVE to go here everyday or else you're in BIG TROUBLE" is the same as "youre japanese and we're mad at the japanese, so you have to move or else you're in BIG TROUBLE"!
b: grarg
g: heh.



man we are seeewwww punk. nobody else in the history of high school has ever thought of THAT brilliant comparison.

shut out what they say
x 21:14

current mood: dreading school
current music: nothing (weird, huh)

today we did not want to go to school so instead we went to salem
and we wanted to see dawn of the dead, so we got tickets to something that WASNT "R" and went into dawn of the dead anyway, but the usher dude threw us out so we didnt get to see it. which made me sad. i like zombies, and maddox says its good, so it must be good.
but all was not lost. besides the fact that geoff and i felt kinda guilty after that (who knows why? teenagers have been sneaking into movies for fucking decades, its not like we're the ONLY ones to do it) (then again, this is not the first war the world has even seen but that doesnt mean its right) but anyway... we went to thr park a bunch of times, and i took my shoes off and geoff picked me flowers.
and we went to that one tree where i had my first kiss. remember that tree? i do. it was kind of strange. i thought it would be nostalgic or somesuch but i really wasnt. feh. i guess the only thing that was morbid about that was me remembering that i am the only person who remembers that. really. sigh.

i love danzig. he should be in more comics. sorry, i got distracted.

anyway, we got back to dallas in time for me to get picked up and on the way home i grabbed my stickers and buttons from the mailbox (new unamerican shit- whee!)
oh and
i saw joes haircut
he totally looks like my cousin nate which is not saying much because nate is a dweeb
so yes, i disapprove of his hair now, but he knew i would, right? its not like that was the deciding factor in whether to cut it or not. he's still joe, and still a funny guy.

eric b threw his keys at geoff
and
apparently the school hasnt called yet, or it called while i was on the phone to geoff, i couldnt tell you for sure
tomorrow i'm actually going to class, as is geoff, as we will for the rest of the week. we've been skipping too much lately. anyway so wednesday i have a huge scarlet letter project due, with a speech and sheit, that i havent even STARTED yet, so i'll be up until midnight. whee.

and my HAIR IS PURPLE. you know you love it.

later, skaters.

shut out what they say
x 19:22

28.3.04

current mood: perky! how obnoxious!
current music: Les and Ray- Le Tigre

today i went with my mom to buy some hair dye in salem, and i also went into *shudder* hot topic. it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. i was looking for a really specific barbell, 16G with spike-ball endings, so i just went in and asked the dude who was working there, who, by the way, was fucking HOT. all the other employees were like, "ergh, look, i look like benji from GC" but he was cute. he was wearing some jeans and ... i dunno. he looked like a beach bum and he was REALLY cute. but he was working in Hot Hopic. anyway, he said they were sold out right then, but i should come back next week and he would find me some. it was some good times.

so i bought some black dye (NOT at hot topic- and its not actually black, really. its called "soft black" so it isnt that horrid fake black that everyone else seems to like so much. well, everyone who calls themself "raven" and has a deadjournal) and i also bought some bleach at sally and some more clips and shit, so i'm going to dye my hair tonite. i have yet to decide whether to leave the big choppy highlights as platinum white, or dye them purple or pink. i think i'll do them white and see how it looks, and if i dont like it i'll do purple over them. good lord, i'm punk.

SPEAKING OF PUNK!
www.nothingnice.com THE ARCHIVES ARE BACK! this makes me so happy. nothing nice has to be one of my favourite web comics of all time. its so FUNNY. anyone who has ever had a conversation with me knows that many of the things i say on regular basis and many of my opinions on punk are terribly derrivitave of mitch's funniness. which i'm sure he would hate if he knew about it. but hey, whatever, maybe he would be secretly proud that i use the phrase "post-Danzig Misfits" in everyday conversation because of him. THE POINT IS. go look. now. it is NICE. mitch told me about jets to brazil and jawbreaker, and made it ok for me to listen to punk AND the flaming lips. i love mitch. you will too.

so spring break this year was actually kind of a bummer. i mean, its weird... it poured rain the whole time so we didnt get to do anything too fun. mostly we sat inside and watched movies. i almost wish we had stayed home this year- i could have hung out at the clawson's with trav and everybody, and participated in their ninja games, at which i would have kicked fucking ass, because i am, after all , a FUCKING NINJA. fuck you.

speaking of movies:
i rented Thirteen, White Oleander (which i am ashamed to admit i have never seen) and Better Luck Tomorrow
am i a teenage girl? yes, yes i am. i would have rented and watched SLC punk again, but somebody already had it out. bastards. same goes for donnie darko. bastards, bastards, bastards.

so now i'm going to go dye my hair black. i am so goth today.
current atire: beat-up jeans with embroidered pockets, black maryjanes with clunky heels, black socks, a black spaghetti strap tank top, and 2-row pyramid stud bracelet, a thin wire necklace with a black glass bead circled in wire, 3 silver hoops earrings in each ear, and black and silver sparkles on my cheek. jesus, i hope there is not a reason that i am revisiting myself last year at this time. its prolly a one-or-two day thing. by tuesday at the very latest i will be back to the awesome indie rawker you have all come to know and love. or, you know, despise. which is probably the more likely option.

my mom: BETSEY!
me: what?
my mom: turn down the music so i can ask you a question!
me: it IS turned down. what more do you want from me, woman?
my mom: i want to know if thats le tigre or not!
me: it is, it is. why?
my mom: dunno. turn it back up.


god, it is so scary to know that i will be exactly like her in 40 years. except, you know:
1) different hair
2) different makeup (pancake foundation= grotty)
3) better glasses
4) better clothes (bootcut highwaters and hiking boots 24/7= not awesome)
5) a husband who is way more fun, or no husband at all
6) a much more satisfying career. even if i dont have a job, i will certainly have better things to do with my time than drive my bratty spoiled kids to school and sit on my ass painting flowerpots. FLOWERPOTS? jesus. i'll design graphic novels or something. i mean, come on. flowerpots?
7) slightly less uptight about my childern staying out late
8) WAY less uptight about my children dying their hair funky colours. why is it suddenly ok for me to bleach myhair now that i'm 16? that is weird. i've wanted to do something like that to it since i was like 10. why was it not ok then? fucking oportunist parenting.
8) i'll listen to way more Kill The Man Who Questions and be a vegan




i think thats about it
how will YOU be different from YOUR parents when you are their age? write me a note and let me know. i'm in a curious sort of mood. and now for the final note of this long-awaited update in which i actually SAY things: my opinions on the current story arcs in all my webcomics, like, the stuff i missed out on over spring break
achewood: hehe! awesome! not as good as the robovac stuff, tho. but right up there. "he is definatly envisioning a small apartment decorated entirely in owl posters, yes"
anydayhappyday: update, you! ... but i like the ghost thing. i wish it was more angsty.
asofterworld: feh. not to hurt anyone's feelings but i didnt really like the last 3 or 4 updates. oh well, they cant all be winnders, right? the thing with the body in the lake? that was lame.
dieselsweeties: what in the HELL is going on anymore? i'm gone for a week and i come back and i get confused. you're still hilarious, but uh... my only advice is a "what the hell is happening" breifer on the main page, and mayne more stories about indie rock pete? he's the best.
dinosaur: i dont like guest week. stop it. i like you better.
elftor: will you PLEASE update? with some more pop culture references, and less politics? i like the ones where you kill goths and punks best, not where you kill politicians. or when you kill black people. thats some choice shit.
explodingdog: sam, i dont really read you anymore, because... i'm lazy. it makes me smile whenever i do, though. you should do, like, a series, or something, to prompt people to check up on you more often than twice a year.
havesomehats: you used to be funny but you're really not anymore.
journal: UPDATE!
lifewithleslie: i love the idea of a daily strip. you can do it, man.
nothingnicetosay: YAY!
pokey: UPDATE! (you are the second coming!)
scarygoround: i like the idea of a new and improved scarygoround. and lets get ryan back to normal soon, please. i feel sad that he cut his hair. give him back his tasty french girlfreind and his target shirt and his awesome hair and all will be well in the world. why are there no dinosaurs? you promised us dinosaurs.
sixthirtyfive: UPDATE! ... i loved the garden shop strip with the cats, tho.
toothpastefordinner: you're awesome.
questionablecontent: you are by far my favourite webcomic. i look forward to your updates SO MUCH. you should do even more bonus strips, because that means more QC, and that means more smiling. i love Faye. i fucking AM Faye. because she kicks ass.
whiteninja: i dont really like the latest ones. that one with the chinese pug? that SUCKS. (i know, blasphemy, i know)

i feel like i hate humanity more lately. burning seething hatred. it scares me.

shut out what they say
x 16:54

current mood: stoked
current music: my favourite chords- the weakerthans

"hey're tearing up streets again.
They're building a new hotel.
The Mayor's out killing kids to keep taxes down,
and me and my anger sit folding a paper bird,
letting the curtains turn to beating wings.
Wish I had a socket-set to dismantle this morning.
And just one pair of clean socks.
And a photo of you.
When you get off work tonight,
meet me at the construction site,
and we'll write some notes to tape to the heavy machines,
like "We hope they treat you well."
"Hope you don't work too hard."
"We hope you get to be happy sometimes."
Bring your swiss-army knife, and a bottle of something,
and I'll bring some spraypaint and a new deck of cards.
Hey, I found the safest place to keep all our tenderness,
Keep all our bad ideas, Keep all our hope.
It's here in the smallest bones, the feet and the inner ear.
It's such an enormous thing to walk and to listen.
I'd like to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing
in a room near a truckstop on a highway somewhere.
You are a radio. You are an open door.
I am a faulty string of blue christmas lights.
You swim through frequencies.
You let that stranger in, as I'm blinking off and on and off again.
We've got a lot of time.
Or maybe we don't, but I'd like to think so, so let me pretend.
These are my favourite chords.
I know you like them too.
When I get a new guitar, you can have this one and sing me a lullaby.
Sing me the alphabet.
Sing me a story I haven't heard yet."

shut out what they say
x 11:37

27.3.04





wow.

shut out what they say
x 19:46

current mood:
current music:

What is your favorite word?
"pretentious"
What is your least favorite word?
"blog" as a verb, "network"
What turns you on?
sincere self-deprecation, bony shoulders, long hair
What turns you off?
idiots, shaved heads, confederate flags
What sound do you love?
le tigre
What sound do you hate?
my mother's voice
What is your favorite curse word?
cocksmoker
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
professional acidhead
What profession would you not like to participate in?
prostitute
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"bean dips on the counter, beers out back. some blonde kid's been askin about you. took you fuckin long enough to get here, huh?"

shut out what they say
x 19:27

current mood: blech ((((shivers)))) cold
current music: Hot Fries- The Hold Steady "The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me"

"all your favorite movies, they ain't all that funny if you ain't that high. and i ain't that high.
all your favorite books, they wouldn't seem so well written if you were just a little bit more well read.
jack kerouac is dead. he drank himself to death.
i just ain't that high.
all your favorite songs wouldn't seem so sad, if you weren't so depressed.
elliott smith seems like a mess to me.
and you cry way too easily."

one of my new favourite songs. i like the hold steady. they sound a lot like bruse springsteen only they hate indie kids- like- a lot. pretentious "clever people"... what does it say about me that i listen to both them and elliott smith? well? and the unicorns, who ARE from canada? well?


we're back from the beach. it poured rain mostly the whole time. well, ok, the whole time. heather came over for a few days and we dyed maroon stripes in her hair and decided that we want to own a record store in a tree. and geoff came over and we hung out over one night. man, i was glad to see him. after he left i kept getting all mopey and sad for no real reason, and losing all appettite for food and being like, "bleh i wish geoff was here"... i am so pathetic. SO pathetic. but i guess thats ok because geoff likes me anyway. o yes he does.

happiness is a warm yes it is

shut out what they say
x 17:58

19.3.04

you turn white like a saint
i'm tired of dancing on a pot of gold (flaked paint)
o we're so very precious, you and i
and everything that you do makes me want to die
o i just told the biggest lie
i just told the biggest lie

shut out what they say
x 20:28

current mood:inadequate
current music:the white lady loves you more- elliott smith

this is the last update for quite a while. its spring break, you know, so we're migrating to the beach. yes, the beach. good times will certainly be had by all. we're picking up heather on wednesday, and after that she and i will be punk and stab our ears and do awesome things. yes.

shit.

today geoff and i didnt go to school (again) but instead we went to salem and hung out in the park and flung slime at the bridge over the creek (GRETCHE FETCHEN SLIME QUEEN) and ate pizza and i braided his hair. it sounds boring- it wasnt. we said "poop" to a lady in ab elevator.
it was cold in the park in the morning
the sky was a disgusting sort of blue and i wasnt sure whether i was still asleep or not
"jesus its early" i thought
we looked like heroin addict runaways, huddle together for warmth in a city park
ripped jeans and all




tonite: i pack
tomorrow: i take the big bedroom
and i will censor my language and talk to geoff on the phone a LOT.

shut out what they say
x 20:24

current mood:relieved
current music:pretty (ugly before) elliott smith

"sunshine been keeping me up for days.
there is no night time, it's only a passing phase....
and i feel pretty, pretty enough for you.
i felt so ugly before, i didn't know what to do.
sometimes it's all i feel up to, now.
but it's not worth it to you,
cos you gotta get high somehow.
is it destruction that you require to feel
like somebody wants you? someone that's more for real?
sunshine, been keeping me up for days.
there is no night time, only a passing phase....
and i'll feel pretty, another hour or two.
i felt so ugly before, i didn't know what to do
i felt so ugly before, i didn't know what to do"

shut out what they say
x 19:00

16.3.04

current mood: indecisive
current music: bled white- elliott smith

what should i peirce? i already have 3 in each ear. i was thinking about something up in the cartilidge on one, or my eyebrow, or something else. i'm gonna go it myself with heather, either way.

"god i hate everything. do i need to reiterate? i don't think i could enough. i hate everything and i hate myself." - travis

hehe. awesome.

shut out what they say
x 22:31

current mood: snarky
current music: lets run- le tigre

TODAY:
-too tired for school
-slept at geoffs
-his mom came home! we froze and stayed still. she didnt see us and she left. we were nervous afterwards. geoff was wearing no shirt and had several hickeys and messed up hair so we would have looked silly.
-went to the park, sat by the river
- wrote a letter to tony
- ate pizza
-got bored
-ate ice cream
-came home




not a lot else. dont think it was boring. it wasnt. i had a really great day, sheeeeeit

geoff might get in trouble for vandalism that he didnt do, tho, so that sucks
and carlei is going to PROM? can you believe it? i would be caught dead there. two reasons:
i'm soooo punk
i'm soooo poor



that is all

shut out what they say
x 20:58

15.3.04

b: trav, i'm going to tell you your life story. once upon a time there was a little boy and he was born in some backassward state like fucking michigan or wisconisin or something. shit, actually he was bornin california, in some place that had a tree in the name, but THEN he moved to fuckin north dakota or some shit. his mom was like, "whoa i used to be this huge druggie but now i fucking rule" and his dad was like, "i was never a druggie... i am the LAW!" and trav was like, "shit." he got all paranoid and he thought he was gonna catch AIDS from cactuses, but he didnt. that would have been sad if he did. so then he moved to like, oregon, and he was all, "wow i like jazz" and so he listened to jazz and went to middle school and listened to weird al, and then miraculously he started listening to indie rock and about that time, he fell in love with this girl named... uh... marcie...so he was bummed. but he got over it, because his friend betsey was there for him and her boyfreind, who trav didnt know, had just died, so they whined together and comiserated. lo, and then he thought he liked kelcie but he didnt really or else he would have cried more. and THEN lo and behold, he met an awesome girl named katie. despite the fact that she was way younger, she still rawked his house, and when she decided that she was TOO young, they were still really good freinds and travis was still freinds with betsey, and also brandt who i havent mentioned yet, not because he isnt important, but because he's a tool. Not really. Really hes really cute and cool. travis went to art school and listened to elliott smith way after it became not cool anymore, and he plaed guitar in smokey bars and kicked ass. the end!
T: yay!
b: what do you think?
b: did that make you smile?
T: awesome
T: yeah dude, it did. you should describe the girl though that i'll eventually fall madly in love with, but won't break my heart
b: so when trav was in art school, he met this awesome girl named Belinda. why Belinda, you ask? i dunno. its an unusual name and its kinda cool. shut up, this is my story. so Belinda had this shortcropped brown hair that she wore in kinda kinky curls in weird little pony tails, and she wore no makeup at all, and she always had funky vintage shirts and beatup pumas and converse, and sometimes she had black leather wristbands with studs and sometimes she had jelly plastic bracelets, but always she soy bean ice cream with her and she didnt like to shop in corporate stores. she drove a volvo and she took travis with her everywhere, to go to record stores. in fact she WORKED in a fucking record store, and read megatokyo and anydayhappyday on her breaks, and drank way too much coffee. she was an art major and she listened to Cat Power and radiohead almost exclusivly, tho she liked to go to punk shows because she thought they were funny.
T: heh, that rules
b: you should write ME a story!
b: i think that would help you feel better
b: write my autobigoraphy for me
T: yeah, but my stories blow.
b: oh cmon. do it anyway.
T: oh okay.
T: so there was this girl named betsey. betsey was born somewhere in oregon. salem maybe. yeah, salem. whatever. anyway, so uhh... her childhood is kinda sketchy, as ummm..... umm.... whatever. she was exposed to a lot better than travis in her early years, and prolly listened to cooler bands than travis did, as his dad liked to listen to warrant, and the scorpions religously. anyway, in sixth grade betsey met travis, and thought wow, he's a nerd, and really didn't talk to him much. however travis doesn't become important until ninth grade. people called betsey a hippy in sixth grade, because she wore tie dye shirts, and bell bottomed jeans. much of the same things happened throughout sixth and seventh grade. she listened to music, and stuff, and did other stuff that middle skoolers do. BUT THEN. in eighth grade, brandt and betsey ohooohooohooooh heh gi gi gi. they became "married" and were all into each other and stuff, and they were happy, but never did anything physical, because that wasn't cool back then
b: sure fuggin is now, jesus.
T: so after the year ended, that kinda died, I dunno why. as it was meant to die. but betsey met jared, and jared made her happy. they shared a whole lot of things, and stuff, and because i suck, i don't know tons of what happened. but i know things happened that made it so that jared and betsey were no more, at least for while. however, betsey became kinda gothy, and hot topicy, and she listened to really shitty nu metal stuff, and she is kinda embarassed of listening to a lot of that stuff. anyway, she also drew a lot, and is also embarassed of that. anyway, so i think things got better with jared, but then he kinda died. and it really really really really really really really really really bummed out. and travis was bummed out, so like it said in the above story, betsey and trav comiserated, although betsey had far more reason to. jared dying relaly bummed her out, and it still does. but she got kinda over all of that, and a boring summer passed, in which trav and betsey talked about making bands with such names as incorporeal papoose, and the joe wiley conspiracy. than that skool year started, and she went out with geoff, who is sometimes a depressed little kid, however is very rad all the same. and they were happy. and that brings us up to current times
b: that story kicked my ass! can i stick it on my journal?
T: uh huh


B: I just wrote travs life story
g: me next me next!
b: ok, hold on
g: oh. okay.
b: once upon a time there was a little boy named geoff. maybe his name was geoffry. no one was too sure, really. so his mom was like, "wow im this... lady" and his dad was all, "im a jehovahs witness but i have sex when im like 15 or some shit. i throw yer christmas tree out in the street, bitch!" and that was that. geoff had 3 older brothers, even tho only 2 of them were his brothers, but you know how it goes. one of them smelled kinda bad and he gardually got more and more punk and smelly, and one of them he didnt really know much about because he was way older and he lived in falls city later on and sucked, and one of them went away after he got outof high school to work for the man. but before they left, they beat the crap out of geoff (emotionally, i mean, tho im sure they did it physically too) on a regualar basis and threw his big wheel in the street and it BROKE! he was scared of ferns because he was cute. so then he got bigger, his parents were all "fuck you" (to one another) so they split up and geoff was like, "goddammit" so he got drunk and tried to hang himself, and then like 9 of his freinds died so he tried again but it DIDNT WORK because he sucks at tying knots. so THEN he was like, shit, and he took an art class and he met this rad girl named elizabeth who completely rawked and they started going out kind of "as a joke" almost because they were too pussy to really ask each other out, but it worked out nicely because they pretty much rule and they should seriously have sex because they rule. and then he went to california and got major tattoos and she wrote comics and they ruled. and his parents were all oh we were wrong about geoff. now that hes older he kicks some serious ass. and his tattoos look cool and we like his hair. truly he is the best of our sons and not a disappointment behold!
b: and that was that.
g: *applause*
g: i LOVE it.
b: thanks
g: i'm bloggin' that one.
b: i refuse to recognize that blog is a verb.
g: i'm going to put that one in my blog.
b: there you go.
g: (i was too lazy to type the good one out in the first place.)
g: so there you have it. my life story told in the eyes of elizabeth, who happens to play a major role in that story. i like that story a whole lot. i think i'll keep it and put it in a shoebox and keep it under my bed ... along with betsey. except she's going in an extra-special shoebox. yes, the shoebox of specialness, i shall call it. covered with drawings by it's owner, betsey, that she did all by herself. those drawings were really rad, and they covered the whole box, all the way around. and betsey is aloud to come out of her box with the drawings on it whenever she wants, because i'm a good owner. and i rule.
b: w00t! my shoebox kicks yer shoebox'es fucking ASS.
b: you should write me my life story
b: please?
g: okay. rad. will do!
g: okay. there once was this girl named elizabeth, but a lot of her friends called her betsey. her parents were these really rad aging hippies, who were all like "look at us, we're awesome parents, and we have an extremely awesome kid, named elizabeth." so this girl, elizabeth, or betsey as some of her friends called her, was born in salem on groundhogs day in '88. then she went to her house, which she shortly moved up the driveway into an even bigger house, and got lost in at one time. she was all "wow, this is a big house." because it is indeed a big house. so she went through school, with the drama that pretty much every teen girl faces, except she was not your typical teen girl, no siree, she was an awesome teen girl, unlike all of the other teen girls in dallas. but she faced some drama, which included a dead boyfriend, and several of her "plutonic buddies" having a crush on her. one of these friends came along in art class her sophomore year, and he got up the courage to kiss her one day. so they eventually "went out" as a joke, but it eventually turned into much more rad things. so every day, this couple, who was elizabeth (or sometimes called betsey) and geoff, would talk about how one day they will run away to california. one unexpected day, after both of them graduated, she said "let's run away to california, tomorrow." even though it wasn't quite running away, it was more of an organized move. so they did. where she attended an awesome college and got a good work-at-home job using her skills as an artist. while her boyfriend geoff, or sometimes called ge-off, worked in a minimum wage job, with minimal hours. but it was okay, because elizabeth made a lot of money. they lived in a studio apartment within view of the beach. and they lived like that for years and years, when they just became TOO rad, and the world ended happily.
g: (wow. i don't remember what i wrote.)
b: that story rules!
g: thank you.


b: hey you
b: i wrote travs story and then i wrote geoffs, and they both wrote one for me. now i'll write yours.
b: even tho i dont know much about you,
k: okay!
b: once upon a time there was this girl named katie, or maybe her name was caitlyn or katlyin or some shit like that. i dont know. katie. so she was born like in 89 or 90 or something? and her parents were rich, or at least way richer than anyone i know, cuz she lived in west linn and her mom had a bunch of cameras and shit. i guess she had an older brother? i guess. and then she started going out with travis, but that got sad, which wasn’t either of their faults, so she stopped but she was still freinds with him. and she had a bunch of freinds with weird names, one of whom may or may not go to jail and she drew a buttload. BUT she went to art school and rawked (because she went to riverdale high with archie) and became uh... an artist in residence at a record label, desiginging liner notes for indie rock bands, and she kicked ass and married some hot indie guy with a skateboard and they had like one kid but it was a cool kid and nothing was lame.
k: that's a pretty wonderful life story
b: write mine?
k: sure
k: okay, so there was this awesome girl name Elizabeth, but some people called her Betsey. She once told me that name made her sound like a cow, but I just think it's rad. So, she was a goth? but now she's just like, indie rawker x50, and she kicks so much ass, and I mean so much. And there there's Geoff, whom you actually say as Jeff, but I mean really, Gee-off, how much cooler CAN you get? Yeah, so Geoff, he's a babe, but he's really thin, and they have sex all day long. Because school's over rated. So then, Betsey goes to art school, and everyones like "holy fucking shit, you are the greatest EVER" and so she gets so travel the world, and go to hundreds of concerts, and take pictures and draw, and be awesome, until the say she dies. She also marries Geoff, and they have very, very beautiful children. And the life is a better place.
cryptorchyld14: awesome!



did you seriously read all of that? jesus you must be pretty bored man. go outside and look at the trees or something. smoke weed. shut up.

shut out what they say
x 23:30

current mood:sleepy
current music:lonely day- phantom planet

i could tell from the minute i woke up it was gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
rise and shine, wipe the sleep out of my eyes, and try to tell myself i cant go back to bed
its gonna be a lonely lonley lonely day
even tho the sun is shining down on me and i should feel about as can be
i just got here and i already want to leave
its gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
everybody knows that somethings wrong
but nobody knows whats going
we all sing the same old song
when you want it all to go away
its shaping up to be a lonely day.

bi-otch, ho.






ummmmm i cant really talk about everything thats happening with travers and katie yet for two reasons
1) i dont really want to, because i am LAZY
and 2) i have to go to school in, like, 2 seconds


so i'm going!!!!! LOL!!!!! OMGSTFU !!1 DSADJKASCDANSCM... bye

shut out what they say
x 07:57

14.3.04

current mood: ... freaked out
current music: nuthin

ever watch a movie that changed your life?
i just watched slc punk
the last time i saw this i was wearing a marilyn manson tshirt and leaning against a boy in a NIN tshirt. last time i saw this i had on heavy black eyeliner and a dog collar and i was unsure as to why they were hallucinating while on acid. "doesnt acid just make you sleepy?" well fuck that

fuck everything

i'm gonna have to change this layout for two reasons
1) at my grandfathers today i noticed that it looks shitty as hell on some browsers
i dunno what the fuck the difference is but jesus it sucks

and TWO (and this reason is to be said in an abraisive voice, as if narrating a film about boredom)
its
TOO
FUCKING
PINK
*slaps self* snap out of it. being sixteen is only cute for a few minutes, and then it's just fucking repulsive. i hate myself for being so easily swayed by the opinions and inadequacies of characters in a film

i guess when all is said and done i'm nothing but a goddamned pussyass fucking poseur


but i feel better than i've felt in a long time

shut out what they say
x 22:57

current mood:grrrrrrreat
current music: nothing, yet... hold on... wait for it... ah, yes. radio freindly unit shifter- nirvana

yesterday was awesome! it kicked my ass... REALLY HARD. you know?
so i got up at like noon, and bugged my mom to take me someplace, so she did. i met up with geoff at goodwill, and we decided that there was NOTHING TO DO THERE. so... we went to...oakdale? is that the name? yah. oakdale. and we talked about random crap, and i took pictures of horses and shoes. and THEN. then (!) we went to whitworth, and then walked to the skatepark, but there was nothing going on there. talked to tait and rick about fruit parties, and whether kwanzaa's exact opposite would be july 26th or not. i say it would not. i'm PISSED because it's KWANZAA. jow has been kind of weird lately, i'm kinda worried about him. i mean, i know i shouldnt be. his grandma is dying or something like that, at least, thats what we heard. we could be wrong. but if she is, that would explain all his absences (two weeks straight! w00t!) and him being kinda grouchy at everyone. i kinda wnat to give him a hug. do you think he would punch me? yah, me too.
so after that, geoff and i went back to whitworth, and then back to oakdale, and then back to his house where we almost fell asleep. and then we had to go sit in joes driveway until my mom picked me up.

that day SOUNDS really boring, but in truth, it was not. then i tried to get online to talk to trav and katie about their date at the zoo....

rumour has it that there were NO LIONS OR PANDAS
(i guess the lions part makes sense, since you can only see them in kenya)
but no pandas? that makes me cry. i saw them in washington dc once... they were so cute.

you know what song i hate? Rape Me by nirvana. every time it comes on, i change the track. i dont know why. why do i hate it so bad? i just kinda think its dumb. it sounds immature. its like, "look, i'm being shocking. are you offended? huh? huh? are j00?"

speaking of nirvana:
the latest issue of SPIN
the tribute to kurt cobain?
SUCKED SO MUCH ASS

seriously. it was irrevrant and stupid, and their "grunge retrospective" was stupid and poorly constructed, even I know more about the screaming trees than they do, and their "ghost of st kurt" article had a good premise but was boring and annoying, and on the VERY NEXT PAGE there was an equally extensive article about the world karaoke championships in finland. it pissed me off, mildly. there were some cute pictures tho. i want to hug kurt.






geoff! sex!

shut out what they say
x 11:50

13.3.04

current mood: weird
current music: Francis Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle

i dont know what the hell is wrong with me lately. seriously. my feelings never change a bit, i always feel like shit, i dont know why, i just do (whoo elliot smith reference)

why do i feel so cruddy? last night i was talking to geoff and i just started crying, just for no reason at all.

two strange occurances:
1) yesterday the hallway outside grandma kazaa's room REEKED of latitude and longitude cologne. seriously, it was like, weird.
2) this little kid who looked exactly like that picture of jared in his obits waved at me in the parking lot at the grocery store
mom: who was that kid?
me: i have no friggin clue but he looked like jared
mom: oh, honey, i'm sorry

i'm so tired i can't sleep
i'm a liar and a fake
sit and drink pennyroyal tea
i'm anemic royalty

shut out what they say
x 13:39

I'M BORED

shut out what they say
x 00:23

12.3.04

current mood: impatient
current music: friendship station- le tigre

dammit. pasting quiz results in here makes it all funkywonky like. i'll figure out reduction later.



man those quizzes sucked
that last one was obviously english as a second language, too
i dont really feel like doing anything online but i'm waiting for geoff to get on

shut out what they say
x 23:59

Never forget this: With the correct alignment a selection of fine cheeses often taste of cheese.


www.weebls-stuff/toons/ check out "kenya"

where can you see lions? ONLY IN KENYA.

current music: Take Care- Copeland
current mood:... content

hot damn am i glad it's the weekend. geoff just called a little bit ago and we talked for a while- apparently he did some rad thing whilst skating
(people should say "whilst" more often)
and he was pretty stoked about it. what did i do, in the way of constructive things, since i got out of school today? not a lot. after school i went to the "study jam" (yah i thought of that myself!) in grandma kazaas room. it was a review for the test on monday and only three people showed up! it was insane. so travis and ken and i took notes and i guess i understand it better. i remember i learned this shit in 8th grade and i didnt get it then, either. so hopefully i wont fail that test too awfully.

this weekend is my dad's birthday party thingee, and also i should get my guitar! rumour has it that it is yellow. who knows? we shall see.

and then next week i only have tp put up with 5 days and then i can go to SPRING BREAK

oh and also, i got nominated for national honour society and i turned in my application, so hopefully i'm in now. whoo hoo. i would talk about my "love life" as that seems to the topic du jour but i am too lazy and boring. nothing is interesting. everyone wants me and i want no one, as usual. i sound completely vain. fuck off.

shut out what they say
x 22:47

You are CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL. She is a rad
chick with absolutely no fashion sense. If you
are a guy and chose this... you are gay.


Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
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